vetswife

It is a crapshoot. I have many responses from IRIS that have NO information when information was available, and have gotten better answers from 1-800, but have seen the reverse of this as well. I think it depends on where you are (what VARO) and who is answering claims.

I understand what you are saying, but I feel that if a spouse (male OR female) has lived with a disabled veteran for a long time (lets put a time limit. . say 10 years, like SSI) then if something happens, and marriage is disolved, then the other spouse should get a portion of the income, regardless of whether they are male or female. For example, the case that started this thread (and I know I said it in a prior post, but it should be reiterated), the spouse lived with the veteran for 24 years, AND was also disabled. The Veteran, I believe, had over 3600 in income per month, and the spouse had 700. So, the judge ordered the veteran to give a SMALL portion of his income to his spouse. This left the vet with 3000 a month and the spouse with less then half of that. Where is the inequality here? Again, the news story never stated who was at fault, which, to me is a big part of the story. . but here again, what would you have said if it was turned around, and the MAN received the alimony, and the woman was paying? What it still be unequal? The proof of how fair something is is when you turn it around, does it still seem fair?

It is difficult to get ordinary care at a Non Va facility. My husband just had fee basis surgery, but that was due to VA issues. Getting approved for having all care fee based out, I have never heard of that happening. We routinely go to a VA center which is over 100 miles away, so geographically, I don't think that would work.

Well, here's my two cents, for what it's worth. Nowhere in the article does it state who was at fault for the divorce. Having said that, he does say that during his 24 year marriage to his wife, he apparently put her through heck. I don't know if she worked during their marriage, but regardless, I can assure you, as the wife of a PTSD vet who didn't get help for 25 years, that she DID work with him, dealing with his issues. She deserves to get some help for all of those years, in my opinion. This is different from the other cases that were mentioned where they just got married, he went to Iraq, she moved in with boyfriend. This is 24 YEARS, it shows she was in it for the long haul. If my husband and I divorced, would I expect alimony? No, but that's because I am the one who worked all of our married life, and I can support myself. However, that is my case, not anyone else's, so it depends on the circumstances.

You can request his C-File but you will wait a LONG time. Just be aware of that, and DON'T request his C-File until the issue has been decided, it could delay the decision.

If I can find the statment, I'll email it to you. DON'T just put a day in the life. I can give you the high points of mine. . The fact that I walked on eggs during most of our married life, as I never knew what would set my husband off. The fact that my husband tried to shoot my cousin in a fight and I had to wrestle the gun away, the fact that my husband had considerable "road rage" and that I often had to keep him in the car, the fact that our son's are in counseling because of my husband's anger, the fact that my oldest son does not like to visit due to his problems, the fact that our house has to be dark . .ALL the time, that he spends a large amount of time in the garage or another closed place that he can be totally secure in, the fact that he has taught our son's to always be on the lookout. .never sit with your back to the door, always know where the exits are, always know where people are in the room. The fact that my husband would not see or allow to be seen pictures concerning Vietnam. . although he would watch WWII movies. The fact that my husband sleeps with a gun, and always has to be sleeping nearest the door, the fact that he sleeps lightly and has to get up several times a night to check the doors, the fact that my husband does not go out . . at all. He will not go out to meet others, does not like to have crowds around him, etc. Reach back into your memory, look at things that have happened in your marriage. This is not the time to hold back, but to let it all out, all the things that you do because of his condition. This does NOT mean that you add additional drama, but just report the facts. That's what they want.

I called into the hospital again, and asked for the hospital administrator, which got me to the correct area. Of course, they did not assist me, so I ended up calling my congressperson, which got things done.

I wrote a statement on behalf of my husband regarding our life together (we have been together 27 years) and the VA quoted the statement a number of times in their decision. I would encourage you to write the statement, but DON'T hold back. Put into it everything that you remember during your marriage that has happened, and how it affected you. I was lucky, because my husband was at the point in his therapy that he was, because I gave him my statement to read, and he finally understood how the PTSD had affected our married life and our children's life. If your husband is not at that point, DO NOT let him read your statement, as it could do more harm then good. The VA takes into account the spouse's view, and as long as you are honest in your feelings and what has happened, it makes a BIG difference.

Thanks for the Fisher House link, unfortunately, there is not one in Kansas. However, since we are having the surgery at KU, they do have a house that we can probably stay at, I have a call into them. Thanks for the support, I'll update after the surgery.

Thanks for the kind words. Apparently, the VA is upset because I did what they said. . who knew? I called and checked the fee basis information, and it has been approved and will be sent to KU. I have called KU and they aware that the VA is paying, so we should be good. We will see.

So, Rick got his SC in May, and during the last month, we have been working on getting his aneurysm fixed. However, we have run into problems. We had scheduled the surgery for the 19th of June, and had made arrangements for that time. My dogs went into kennels, we got a hotel room for two weeks (it's a long recovery), I took FMLA for my job, and we had tickets to send my son to Oregon to stay with my family during the surgery. We were anticipating and had chosen to have an open repair, meaning they would go in and completely repair the aneurysm, which is a long surgery and recovery, about 2 weeks in the hospital. On Monday, the 16th, the doctor called to talk to us, and said he was concerned about the open repair, he felt it would not be beneficial to my husband, and wanted us to change to the stent surgery. After long conversations, on Tuesday, we agreed to change to the stent surgery. So, we are at Leavenworth, got there on Tuesday because my son was flying out on Wednesday. We were at the airport on Wednesday to get him on his flight (it was about 1pm) when the VA called to say they couldn't do the surgery because a part had broken on the machine, and the stent surgery called for this machine. They said the part was supposed to be delivered on Thursday, the machine would be repaired and they would reschedule the surgery for the following Tuesday (which would have been today). They told me they would call regardless, and I made a point of explained the costs that they had put us too, and how much stress we had been under, and my husband asked for them to change back to the open repair, and they said no. I ended up talking to the CFO for Leavenworth, and he indicated while he couldn't help us (surprise surprise) he would do "Everything he could to get this done on Tuesday, and would call us on Thursday to make sure it would happen". Thursday comes and goes, no call. Friday, he calls, apologizes for not calling on Thursday, but says the part is backordered and it would not be fixed 'for a while". I called in to the surgery department, and the person there, who stated they would call, said "Well, we didn't have any news about what we could do for you next, so I was waiting for news" I explained that ANY information was more then what we had, and we had been expecting a call. I also asked why it was taking so long to get this part, and she said, and I quote: "What do you expect when congress will not give us the money to fix this. If you people would vote people into congress who would allow us to care for you and get off their duffs and give us the money we need, this sort of thing would not happen. If you have a problem with this, you should call your congressman". I then called the director of the hospital, and got into it with her, and it ended up they were going to go Fee Basis to Kansas City, and made us an appointment for Monday, (yesterday). Well, we went yesterday, but before we went, remember that comment above that said you should call your congressman? Being the good Vetswife that I am, and knowing that I need to follow ALL VA instructions, I did. Call the congressman, I mean (actually, I called my Senator). OMFG did that cause issues!! The Senator was PI@@ED to say the least, and took my information. I was given the private cell phone number of the Senator's aide, and told to call as soon as our appointment at KU was finished so that they could make sure that everything was taken care of. We went into KU and were told that the fee basis hadn't been approved yet, but that they would see us as the VA sent everything over. We saw the doc, and the surgery is rescheduled for the 2nd (the day my son comes home, ironically) and it may well be the open repair we wanted all along. We called the Senator's office back after the appointment, and informed them as to what was going on. We were told the following: The machine was one of many that were purchased by the VA wholesale, and they are all starting to fail now. That's why the part was not available. The Senator's aide had just gotten off the phone with Dr. Trehan, who is the Director of the VA Eastern Kansas system (not the hospital, the entire system) and was told that "Anything we need, we will get" I called the VA Back about the Fee Basis not being approved, and was told that it was at Dr. Trehan's desk, it was up to him to approve it, and I told them that I was SURE it would be fine, they told me that this is unusual, and they weren't sure what would happen, I explained that I was sure, because Senator Boyda's office had just spoken with him. There was a LOONNNGGG silence. So, hopefully the surgery will happen next week, and hopefully all will be well, but this is why I haven't been on. Hope you all understand. Vetswife

Disability Retirement means disabled from a job. Are you receiving or are you anticipating getting retirement pay from a job because of your disability?: The correct answer is no.

Done!! Thanks for all you do Tbird and all!

Thanks Pete, I plan on it

Now that we have the retro (even if it's wrong, lol) how do I donate to this site?