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Permanent Damage/disability

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81150 CAFB

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I don't know if this is the right palce to post this but everone on here has been so helpful wherever I post. Just findind out that I probably have permanent sciatic nerve damage and my back is trash. It is finally starting to hit me that I will never be the same again. I am pretty young (relative) and this reality is becoming hard to come to grips with. I am not talking about VA disability ratings at this point because that isn't going to change the fact that I am really disabled - maybe they will rate me 70% + or maybe 20% and denials, but I will still be messed up. I know a lot of people on this site have gone through this and live with it every day and how do you deal with it? I am trying to just adjust my thinking that I will never be able to to certain things or if I do anything above normal I will pay for it with pain. Just looking for some good advice on how so many of you deal with you disability.

Hope this makes sense.

81150

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I also became disabled, unable to work at age 40. I had my 2nd back surgery two years earlier. Tried working while taking narcotic until the doctor told me I had do stop working. He had told me that a year earlier but I couldn't believe this could be happening to me, since I had worked hard all my life. I admit the first year was the toughest mentally, because I was equating my worth as what I could physically do. But having a daughter only 5 and a son 1 year old, I realized I could still be a big part of their lives. I have been able to spend alot more time with them, taking them to school and back everday, helping with home work, playing games with them, etc. Most of this time would have been spent with them in child care if I had still been working, so if their is a silver lining about being unable to work, that's it for me. I know I can't do any running and rough play with them, but they have grown up knowing that Dad doesn't do these things. They have been through me having surgery since and they always tell me to be careful and not do anything that could cause me pain. But we still go fishing at the beach, swim go to movies and play alot of putt-putt, all things they love.

The main thing is remember that normaly unless someone has been through what you're going through, they may not fully relate to your feelings about not being able to work, and also don't feel sorry for yourself. This can be a trap! I became disabled in 2000, and have had a total of 9 spine surgeries since 1996. I was diagnoised with Parkinson's disease in 2006, but as much as I have going on, it could still be worse!

I'm glad you have a good support network going. Use them!

Good Luck!

Blackbird

The

Edited by blackbird
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Thank you all for your comments-they really gave me a big boost!!! That is why this site is great it is not just about filing for your claim but all of the support that comes with it!

Talked to the doc and he is calling it permanent (ridiculitis or for VA - neuritis). He is very nice and moved my appointment from mid June to next week to start getting into pain managment. Have been getting some accupunture done (church paying for some of the treatments-very cool) and as a science guy I don't/didn't really belive in it but it is helping some. The doc also changed my meds since I started to have bad side effects with ultran ER. I am actually feeling better about my situation (thanks to your comments and talking with friends and family).

The funny part about my work is that they put me on 3/4 time as a favor and I just read the company manual and if your not full time you don't qualify for long term disability...nice. I don't know if I will need it or not but would really suck if I do and don't qualify.

Blackbird - thanks for your comments. That is one benefit that I can live with - spending more time with the kids and not sending them to after school care and helping them with their homework etc... My kids know what is going on and they will literally gang up on me to stop doing something I shouldn't or tell mommy : ). I can also relate to it could be worse. One of my "back support" buds is in much worse shape then I am and he knows someone worse then him...it is all on how you look at it. I am not dying, I will not end up on the street and I can still do some things that I probably take for granted that others may not be able to do.

81150

Edited by 81150 CAFB
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  • HadIt.com Elder

I think that being a good Dad is probably one of the most important jobs a man can ever have. Its not so much the physical things kids remember its kind of the sweet things that happen. My boys remember when they had the Grand Opening for Batman and I got us good tickets and things were really wild with actors and local personalities all over the place.

My youngest son went to Iornman2 and told me he wished that he had waited so we both could go, My third son wants to take me tomorrow. I confess though as hard as I tried to be a good Dad I am a much better PaPa

Listen to your kids and give them a chance to make their own decisions

God Bless you and your family and if I were you I would look into the disability program very carefully.

Just my opinion but you might pull the plug and ask for a Medical Retirement from your Comapany and apply for Social Security and any disability plan you are on.

Don't forget your credit cards some offer to pay your payments while you are disabled.

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Pete-

"God Bless you and your family and if I were you I would look into the disability program very carefully.

Just my opinion but you might pull the plug and ask for a Medical Retirement from your Comapany and apply for Social Security and any disability plan you are on."

Good timing on your post - see below about my 3/4 time. What did you mean by looking into the disabilty program very carefully? VA, Social Security? Work? or all of the above?

Thanks for all the comments- "God Bless you and your family" thank you!

Being a good Dad is a full time job. I could go on about other kids in our neighborhood and how they act/behave etc...with no parental influence-but that is another topic not for Hadit : )

81150

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  • HadIt.com Elder

I meant that your Company Disability Insurance. If you have one that is you should consider if you used your Doc's opinion and took retirement. You certainly do not want to loose a benefit cause you don't apply on time.

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Only problem is they cut me to 3/4 time and the company manual says long term disabilty is for full time employees. They asked me to go 3/4 because I was in so much pain and couldn't work much...can't even make 6 hours now. When they told me I was going 3/4 they said all benefits would stay like a full time employee but just cut down to 3/4 (vacation etc...). I definately need to talk to HR about this regarding my long term disabilty. I am really hurting the company since I am a consultant and bill based on my hours. I have missed at least 5 months of work since last August being on short term disabilty twice and missing numerous other days and short days. Surprised they haven't fired me. Maybe they will get sick of me and let me go with a little severence to tide me over before any disabilty kicks in.

81150

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