ptsd *Complicated TDIU - Need TDIU Experts/Gurus/Experienced*

[commodog]

Hello all!

First, some backlog, which is my TDIU (new)/PTSD (inc)/TBI (inc) claim that was opened by myself in the middle of 2016:

Now, the complicated part.:

None of my employers could return their 8941's (Document about my history of employment with them) because it was either
A. Not their policy to do so.
or
B. The employers are permanently closed.

So after months of waiting, and me personally trying to reach out to a couple of the employers, no information could be obtained from them (My last employer must have come from the Houdini line, as I could not track him down).


Now, the other complicated part:
I am currently enrolled in VR&E (Voc Rehab).
The program I am in, is the program just above "Independent Living".
After 5 years of education (Yes, you read that right), I finally obtained my Associates in Applied Sciences.
It was one hell of a struggle to get there.
I probably failed 35-40% of my classes due to symptoms and social difficulties brought about by my disabilities.

The VA has informed me that they sent over a VA Form 28-1902b (Here: http://www.vba.va.gov/bln/vre/epss/vetsuccess_jst/VRE_Contractor/pdfs/28-1902b.pdf) to my vocational rehab counselor.
I am not sure how this will effect my potential for TDIU (I am guessing severely), so I am reaching out to the TDIU masters here.

 

What should be my next step?

Thanks in advance!

Commodog

 

[commodog]

20 hours ago, john999 said:

Apply for SSDI!  If you think you can bounce between TDIU and work you are probably going to lose both.... 

Thanks, John.
I take all the advice I can receive.
I do have an issue with my pride. I keep trying, and failing, over and over. I keep grabbing myself up by the back of my own shirt, and telling myself "I got this". (All the warrior mentality and ethos shit has never left me, so I fail, I feel like shit, I try again. I fail, I feel like shit, I try again. This has gone on for more than 13 years. What was Einsteins definition of insanity again?)
I am articulate, verbose, and speak with composure and clarity.
This leads people to think there's nothing wrong with me until I have an episode, can't remember where I am, what I am doing, why I am doing it, or punch someone in their mouth/push them into a wall because they snuck up on me or decided to square up and posture like they want to fight me, even if this isn't the case.

"He's so smart, articulate, and well spoken."
"Oh, wait, damaged goods/Another veteran with baggage. Must fire him."

It's been rough as hell, and I do not want to give up, but, I can't help but think reality is going to bite me on the ass one of these days.

I'm on a lot of meds, and I tend to hide in my room all day, and I do mean all day.
I have a ton of HI/SI at times, and persistent anxiety that only you guys can understand.
("Will my daughters bus blow up on the way to school?", "That car looks suspicious as xxxx.", as I get ready to run at it to make sure it doesn't get to the bus. "If I sit here, I can clearly see both entrances, and have ready access to the emergency exit, and great visibility over everyone in the room.")

I clearly have more than PTSD running around in my beat-up melon, and can't help but wonder how much my TBI also impacts my cognitive ability. 

Also, check the picture I attached. This was taken a couple of nights ago. Look at my pupils.

 

[john999]

We who have worked all our lives all have the "pride" issue.   However,   the VA has the "money" issue which means they don't want to pay you one more dime than they have to pay.  If it has taken you five years to get an A&A degree and you have not worked since 2013  I think it is time for you to drop the happy thoughts and apply for both SSDI and TDIU in a serious way.    It may take a couple of years to get SSDI and you may even have to hire a lawyer to get it.    If you get SSDI for SC condition's then getting TDIU will be much easier.   Since you were in initial invasion of Iraq in 2003 and your condition has not resolved in almost 14 years it is probably permanent.  This is the nature of PTSD and TBI.  My father-in-law got a severe TBI during WW11.  He had fits of insanity for the rest of his life and ended up serving more than one prison term due to that TBI.  He did not apply for a VA disability for years after the war because of his pride and the shame he and his family felt over his mental illness.  His and his family got screwed to the wall because during a fit of insanity he set fire to their house and all his records went up in smoke and then the VA claimed his records were burned in 1973 fire in St. Louis.   So he died as a welfare case and left his family nothing but debts.

What I am saying is that you have your records and you are mentally sound enough to press your claims now.  So press them and that includes SSDI.  If your condition has not improved in 14 years I doubt it will improve in the next 14 years and will probably get worse for you and your family.  You don't have to give up but you cannot wait for "one of these days" because political conditions change.  Getting SSDI is becoming harder due to waiting list for hearings etc.   The waiting list for VA appeals to BVA is 3-4 years.  I have never had a claim I did not have to appeal to get my full benefit.   Even today 46 years after the fact I am thinking of filing a claim for an increase.  This is because as you age all these conditions tend to get worse and blend into each other.  The VA uses this to say your emerging secondary conditions are just from aging.   So make up your mind and get busy as to what you intend to do is my advice!  Even your well documented claims

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[commodog]

16 minutes ago, john999 said:

We who have worked all our lives all have the "pride" issue...

 

Roger that, John.

Maybe your voice is the voice of reason I need to hear. I keep telling myself I need to get my hands dirty, like I was raised to.
I keep telling myself I can drive on, like I was trained to.

Maybe now it's time to listen to my elders for a bit of wisdom I may be missing.

Something is xxxxxx in my head, and I don't mean in a good way.