MSTANDFEDUP Posted August 22, 2009 Share Posted August 22, 2009 I will try to make this as straight to the point as possible without triggering. I have been patient and have waited over two years up until now without making a fus. I've HAD IT. My case should be very cut and dry as I have a pile a mile high of evidence to support my claim, however the VA denied. (Air Force) In 2004 I was sexually harassed by my supervisor. The Military Equal Opportunity office got involved and opened a case against him. After a one month investigation, he was CHARGED with 4 counts of sexual harassment and one count of discrimination. He was then DEMOTED in rank. I then seperated from the military. Honerable Discharge. Within 6 months, I went into severe mental stress, psychosis of the mind, due to trauma. I checked myself into a mental health hospital and was there for 2 weeks. I had stopped sleeping, had anxiety, flashbacks, was replaying the events again and again, the list goes on and on. Over the past 5 years, since the 2004 events, I've been homeless twice, I've been unable to acquire gainful employment, I've been in and out of mental health and have since finally in 2008!!!! received access to the VA for MST/PTSD mental health care (4 years too late). Here is the series of events, and I swear that once I am finished with my claim I will spend the rest of my life helping women and men who suffer from MST with their VA claims. I am so upset at this point, today I am triggering all over the place and I'm finally speaking up. From 2003-2004 in active duty I was repeatedly harassed, threatened, the list goes on and I don't want to get into personal details here about the assault by my supervisor. I discharged in 2004, honerable In 2005 I contacted the MEO office that held the MEO investigation into the harassment and requested my documents per the FOIA (Freedom of Information Act). I have a copy of this letter sent to them. In 2007 I received a letter back, stating the documents had been destroyed. This was two years too late. I requested in 2005!!!! The letter told me to contact the Secretary of Department of Defense and that under a 2 year clause the documents were to be destroyed. I have a copy of this letter and have sent it to my claim file with the VA in 2007. I also have a copy of the orginal claim statement from MEO during the investigation, I sent this to the VA in 2007. (made copies at the time of the investigation, which goes over the harassment in detail, times/dates/places, MEO investigated numerous other people who also confirmed the harassment before he was charged with the crimes and demoted). I sent a copy of the investigation paperwork into the VA when I opened my claim for PTSD/MST in 2007. I spent 2005 until today in and out of mental health hospitals, clinics, etc. all of this documentation has been sent to the va. THE VA DOCTORS AT THE LOCAL VA CLAIM I HAVE MST/PTSD and rate me at 48% GAF SCORE. Their own DOCTORS state that I have PTSD from MST. I opened my VA claim in 2007 and I'm now at 22 months in waiting. It was first denied, and I sent a notice of disagreement. It is now supposedly being "expedited" due to having ended up homeless again. While staying at the homeless shelter, I had a fax sent into the VA claims stating that I was homeless and in this shelter (letterhead from the shelter). This is when they said it would be expedited. This was the second time I ended up homeless. Now a few months have gone by and the VA telephone representatives say they have no record of an original EXPRESS MAILED DOCUMENT that I sent in 2007 which contained 1) the MEO investigation paperwork I had copies of 2) a letter from the acting commander at the time in which he talks about the incidents in the letter. They said they have no record of that from 2007. So I then RE-SENT in EXPRESS mail and registered mail AGAIN, copies of the same documents. I finally got up the nerve yesterday to call the base where the events happened. As soon as I called I triggered and began crying. I called the MEO office and asked about the case documents, again was told there is no record anymore that they were possibly destroyed in 2005. I expressed my feelings to this office and I'm now officially going to put in a written complaint to the base commander about how the entire case was handled back in 2004, how fast it was swept under the carpet, and how I should have immediately been placed into counseling/mental health treatment immediately after the incidents occured and immediately after the MEO investigation. The investigation into the harassment was as bad as the harassment itself. It was first turned on me, then after the month went by, I was given an apology from the Wing Commander about how this sort of thing would "never happen under his chain of command again". There is a zero tolerance policy alright, it's a zero tolerance policy for anyone who SPEAKS UP about harassment/rape. The VA says the claim is being expedited. They said they are now waiting for records from the National Personnel Archive and Federal Archieve. Well one more ounce of proof is if they pull the perpetrators personnel record to see he was DEMOTED. They can destroy records all day, but if I learned anything at all it was make copies of everything. I have the basic MEO investigation copies from the investigation, the commanders letter from official govt email address talking about the events, I guess I have to prove a stressor. What else could I have to prove, HE WAS CHARGED WITH FOUR COUNTS OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT AND ONE COUNT OF DISCRIMINATION. I suffered through the harassment for one years time, then had to suffer through the investigation for a month and come home in complete shambles. The VA mental health doctors claim I have PTSD from MST. Hello? The VA cannot possibly be this bad with their claims process. I'm at 22 months. I'm fed up and I'm ready to start speaking out and I can assure these people that the last thing they are going to want to be out in the news is information regarding how bad my case truly was, and to what extent it got to. There was a point in 2006 that I began prostituting myself to put food on the table. I gave up my life, my self esteem was gone, I stopped caring about myself, my life, I almost killed myself at one point, I was in psychosis of the mind, hiding out in a hotel room afraid to death of anyone in uniform. I was afraid to even go to the VA for help or anyone else at that point because I was so mentally stressed and afraid and replaying the events, that I thought someone in uniform would come hurt me again. HELLO VA, IF YOU'RE READING THIS, I'm at my limit and I'm close to posting up information for the world to see about how you, the armed services, and the DOD handles PTSD cases for women and men raped and abused in the service. I LOST MY LIFE FOR 5 YEARS!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HadIt.com Elder cowgirl Posted August 29, 2009 HadIt.com Elder Share Posted August 29, 2009 Good advice Destia, nice to see you post and thank you for your service. Its difficult to process injuries of this deep personal matter I feel because it deals a persons belief system all over the table. Amazing what a simple question triggers, a visit to my VA pcp stopped me cold when asked about MST and I forced myself to look up at the ceiling trying not to cry. Don't give up because if you do, THEY WIN. I was also a victim of MST/PTSD and because I never reported it back in 1991 I was discharged with a general discharge under honarable conditions, because after the trauma, I didn't care about anything or anyone, my DD214 states pattern of misconduct. After years of thinking I was going crazy, someone at the VA asked me if I endure any form of MST while I was in the military, and ever since then my world has felt like it was crumbling down. I recieved help and counseling and decided to submit a claim but already I knew that it would be an up hill battle because I never reported the incident. One important thing that I did do was write my story. A very kind soul that I had chatted with told me to write everything down on a sheet of paper since my memory was getting worse because of the PTSD. I used my story along with a letter from my parents and husband stating the changes they had seen develop in me and of course the Phychologist's notes and by the grace of GOD, they approved me @ 30% in 2005, almost 14 years to the date of my incident. I recieve 30% for a neurological problem that a Dentist did to my mouth. So, anything is possible. It may take longer then others but PLEASE do not give up. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MSTANDFEDUP Posted January 3, 2010 Author Share Posted January 3, 2010 Hello Sorry I haven't been back I am suffering severe mental health problems that have only gotten worse and worse however I'm trying to stay focused now I got PTSD in 2003, OCD set in and then dissociation. Originally I was misdiagnosed by a Civilian doc in 2004 as Bipolar but the medical evidence is clear as day now. I'm getting treatment at the VA and I am happy with the VA doctors and hospitals but I am not happy with the VA claims process at all. It throws me into a major trigger and I dissociate so I basically leave the building and I dissociate all day long and go off into space. I am finally in a recovery type of state but it is just the beginning. I have trouble keeping thoughts together because I have such severe mental health now, I go off into la-la land. I totally dissociate, my mind split after the trauma so I am trying to keep focused. I lost everything I've got, most relationships/friendships/you name it because of what happened to me. I'm not playing nice with the VA anymore and I'm playing hardball now. There is no denying I am a severe severe case of PTSD/MST and in the aftermath my life was ruined over the span of 7 years. I don't have my mind anymore, it left but I still have all of the government documents to prove my case and now the VA wants to play I'm talking about the assault It includes almost losing an unborn child by subchoronic bleeding to the placenta Not only did I deal with the harassment, incidents, my TDY hotel room being busted into, threatened on a daily basis, but then I dealt with a gatekeeping chain of command, after PTSD had already way set in I got engaged to someone and we decided to have a child (not the best time but I didn't know I was already snowballing PTSD by this point) so once I was pregnant after a year of dealing w/ the harassment, then the perpetrator made it clear I shouldn't be pregnant and almost killed the baby in my stomach. Then I had to go through a military investigation where events were ALMOST turned on me, then my security clearance was taken away for "financial irresponsibility" (just a few months after I suffered bleeding to the placenta)....so now I'm not playing with the DOD nor the VA anymore, they wanted to play hardball with me, now I'm going to make it perfectly clear to the entire country on a website with the government documents what happens to women who are harassed/threatened/raped/and then come forward. My child was almost killed and then I agreed to my security clearance being taken away for "financial irresponsibility" and all the documents I got, don't look good on the military at all. I'm F'n DONE and I've had it. It's not unpatriotic to tell the truth about events and I'm done gatekeeping out of patriotic love for my country, not wanting to speak up a second time about the severe events, I didn't want to bring it up in the original VA claim file info. because the MEO investigation should have spoke for itself. All you need to do is prove something happened, HE WAS FOUND GUILTY of various counts and charges, THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ENOUGH for the VA to see something happened, so they wanna see everything I'M DONE... I'm mass mailing all of the gov documents to various agencies so they can see what happens when a pregnant woman is bleeding from the placenta. Now not only did I go through all that, I lost my life to mental health in the aftermath. Now I dissociate and "go away"...because I can't deal with the traumatic events that happened I'm triggering but I'm done and I'm pissed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MSTANDFEDUP Posted January 3, 2010 Author Share Posted January 3, 2010 After PTSD set in, I started doing light OCD things, like walking around cleaning/organizing and doing repetitious stuff I guess to cope with events, that slowly got worse and worse till I was hoarding. I was small hoarding, and then larger hoarding, I was in apartments I got and I totally fell apart in piles of junk. The dissociation was coming with the OCD and I'd zone out. Now I zone out all day long, I have flashbacks, I totally go off into space. I am at least finally at a realization point and I am looking at recovery and hope I can maybe get some of my mind back after all that has happened. In 04 I saw a civilian doc that said "oh you're bipolar" after seeing me for 20 mins, so then I spent the past years on the wrong meds on and off for illnesses I didn't have. Not once was I given anxiety meds, only to find out now that I'm PTSD/OCD/Dissociation onset by MST. After the trauma I've been through I'm done being nice I really am. I used to be a nice sweet girl, young, pretty and now I'm a horrific mess. I have stress acne so bad I lost most of the youth to my face by 30 years old. I destroyed my own body in self abuse after the events. I lost all of my relationships, I've been homeless on and off. I can't keep a job and I can hardly keep a normal conversation with people without zoning out. I can't write a proper sentense anymore I lost a lot of memory, my memory shattered and have a hard time focusing I almost lost my child and then later had to worry about custody of him when my mental health went rolling down hill The perpetrator took more from my life then he will ever know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MSTANDFEDUP Posted January 3, 2010 Author Share Posted January 3, 2010 And I know what people say "oh you were pregnant" you must have been a whore. No I clung to my child's father after very bad events for security. I like to make that clear since the things people say about MST cases are the same reason women don't come forward. If I had known that I was about to lose my life to PTSD I never would have brought a child into the world honestly. I was already in such trauma by that point and it's all documented. I'm done playing nice, my child was almost killed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HadIt.com Elder Pete53 Posted January 3, 2010 HadIt.com Elder Share Posted January 3, 2010 MS: At least you understand what is going on and you can use Hadit to help you win your claim. When you win the Vindication will help but all who win a claim for PTSD are going to also suffer painful losses. Sometimes anger can help give energy to finish and pursue your claim. I hope it does in your case as I fell that you were horribly mistreated. Good Luck I think that some of our members who have dealt with these issues can really help you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MSTANDFEDUP Posted January 3, 2010 Author Share Posted January 3, 2010 The way women are treated with the VA claim process is absolutely ridiculous And now that I'm coming forward about the entire truth of my case, where my child was almost killed, I'm gonna make sure I go back and slam all of the docs that made me feel like I was just some paranoid case in the aftermath THANKS A LOT...the documents prove from A to Z what happened and I might go away mentally now because of the trauma but the docs speak for themselves and the VA wants to treat women like this in the claims process, treat us like crazy ladies who don't know what we're talking about because once you have mental health its hard to vocalize what happened anymore, I'm gonna make sure that all those along the way who treated me like an xxxxxxx in the aftermath are going to be named including the C&P exam person who said "so who raped you, your commander or supervisor"....then he gave a denial and said that my problem was "sleep disturbance"...HELLO....SLEEP DISTURBANCE is a result of PTSD.....they try to set you up so that you wont fight the system and come back swinging...well now the jokes on those people because my child was almost killed and the way my case has been handled and ignored from the get go is ridiculous. I was on the streets with a baby homeless and couldn't get help from the VA at the worst times. When the events happened originally, I should have been thrown into mental health immediately not get access to the VA for healthcare years later when the mess is so deep you already lost most of your life after trying to survive with mental health PTSD. That's what happened in the aftermath, I went into survival mode and started hoarding things and walking around losing time...women don't go from perfectly healthy, intelligent, pretty, I had my whole life ahead of me, now I've little left which includes my self esteem, relationships with people, I destroyed my body in self hatred after the events, and now I'm looking at kidney issues which are a sure sign of PTSD. I'll win the case maybe when I'm dead but I'm sure as hell going to post the documents all over the place so everyone sees what happens to a woman and the VA better straighten up their act when it comes to women who come forward because no woman is making shit up, why would she subject herself to the shit you have to go through, I feel like I've been raped not once but three times in the after math, the events, then the investigations, now by the Va process. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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MSTANDFEDUP
I will try to make this as straight to the point as possible without triggering.
I have been patient and have waited over two years up until now without making a fus.
I've HAD IT. My case should be very cut and dry as I have a pile a mile high of evidence
to support my claim, however the VA denied.
(Air Force) In 2004 I was sexually harassed by my supervisor. The Military Equal Opportunity office
got involved and opened a case against him. After a one month investigation, he was
CHARGED with 4 counts of sexual harassment and one count of discrimination. He was then
DEMOTED in rank.
I then seperated from the military. Honerable Discharge.
Within 6 months, I went into severe mental stress, psychosis of the mind, due to trauma.
I checked myself into a mental health hospital and was there for 2 weeks. I had stopped
sleeping, had anxiety, flashbacks, was replaying the events again and again, the list goes
on and on.
Over the past 5 years, since the 2004 events, I've been homeless twice, I've been
unable to acquire gainful employment, I've been in and out of mental health and have
since finally in 2008!!!! received access to the VA for MST/PTSD mental health care (4 years
too late). Here is the series of events, and I swear that once I am finished with my claim
I will spend the rest of my life helping women and men who suffer from MST with their VA
claims. I am so upset at this point, today I am triggering all over the place and I'm finally
speaking up.
From 2003-2004 in active duty I was repeatedly harassed, threatened, the list goes on
and I don't want to get into personal details here about the assault by my supervisor.
I discharged in 2004, honerable
In 2005 I contacted the MEO office that held the MEO investigation into the harassment
and requested my documents per the FOIA (Freedom of Information Act). I have a copy
of this letter sent to them. In 2007 I received a letter back, stating the documents had been
destroyed. This was two years too late. I requested in 2005!!!! The letter told me to contact
the Secretary of Department of Defense and that under a 2 year clause the documents were to
be destroyed. I have a copy of this letter and have sent it to my claim file with the VA in 2007.
I also have a copy of the orginal claim statement from MEO during the investigation, I sent this
to the VA in 2007. (made copies at the time of the investigation, which goes over the harassment in detail,
times/dates/places, MEO investigated numerous other people who also confirmed the harassment before he was
charged with the crimes and demoted). I sent a copy of the investigation paperwork into
the VA when I opened my claim for PTSD/MST in 2007.
I spent 2005 until today in and out of mental health hospitals, clinics, etc. all of this documentation
has been sent to the va.
THE VA DOCTORS AT THE LOCAL VA CLAIM I HAVE MST/PTSD and rate me at 48% GAF SCORE.
Their own DOCTORS state that I have PTSD from MST.
I opened my VA claim in 2007 and I'm now at 22 months in waiting. It was first denied, and I sent
a notice of disagreement. It is now supposedly being "expedited" due to having ended up homeless
again. While staying at the homeless shelter, I had a fax sent into the VA claims stating that I was
homeless and in this shelter (letterhead from the shelter). This is when they said it would be expedited.
This was the second time I ended up homeless.
Now a few months have gone by and the VA telephone representatives say they have no record
of an original EXPRESS MAILED DOCUMENT that I sent in 2007 which contained 1) the MEO investigation
paperwork I had copies of 2) a letter from the acting commander at the time in which he talks about
the incidents in the letter. They said they have no record of that from 2007. So I then RE-SENT in
EXPRESS mail and registered mail AGAIN, copies of the same documents.
I finally got up the nerve yesterday to call the base where the events happened. As soon as I called
I triggered and began crying. I called the MEO office and asked about the case documents, again
was told there is no record anymore that they were possibly destroyed in 2005. I expressed my
feelings to this office and I'm now officially going to put in a written complaint to the base commander
about how the entire case was handled back in 2004, how fast it was swept under the carpet, and
how I should have immediately been placed into counseling/mental health treatment immediately
after the incidents occured and immediately after the MEO investigation. The investigation into the
harassment was as bad as the harassment itself. It was first turned on me, then after the month
went by, I was given an apology from the Wing Commander about how this sort of thing would
"never happen under his chain of command again". There is a zero tolerance policy alright, it's a zero
tolerance policy for anyone who SPEAKS UP about harassment/rape.
The VA says the claim is being expedited. They said they are now waiting for records from the
National Personnel Archive and Federal Archieve. Well one more ounce of proof is if they pull the
perpetrators personnel record to see he was DEMOTED.
They can destroy records all day, but if I learned anything at all it was make copies of everything.
I have the basic MEO investigation copies from the investigation, the commanders letter from official
govt email address talking about the events, I guess I have to prove a stressor. What else could
I have to prove, HE WAS CHARGED WITH FOUR COUNTS OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT AND ONE COUNT
OF DISCRIMINATION. I suffered through the harassment for one years time, then had to suffer
through the investigation for a month and come home in complete shambles. The VA mental health
doctors claim I have PTSD from MST.
Hello? The VA cannot possibly be this bad with their claims process. I'm at 22 months. I'm fed up
and I'm ready to start speaking out and I can assure these people that the last thing they are going
to want to be out in the news is information regarding how bad my case truly was, and to what extent
it got to. There was a point in 2006 that I began prostituting myself to put food on the table. I gave
up my life, my self esteem was gone, I stopped caring about myself, my life, I almost killed myself
at one point, I was in psychosis of the mind, hiding out in a hotel room afraid to death of anyone in
uniform. I was afraid to even go to the VA for help or anyone else at that point because I was so
mentally stressed and afraid and replaying the events, that I thought someone in uniform would come
hurt me again.
HELLO VA, IF YOU'RE READING THIS, I'm at my limit and I'm close to posting up information for the world
to see about how you, the armed services, and the DOD handles PTSD cases for women and men raped
and abused in the service.
I LOST MY LIFE FOR 5 YEARS!!!
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