ptsd Killing Or Dying

[my3jcc]

Well I did what people wanted me to do. Now I am confused. It didn't help me any better. I feel worse. I can feel anger and to hurt someone. I stopped drinking a year ago. I usually have a drink now when I feel this way. the voices are coming around like before. Alot of anger. It's sunday over here and I can't get a hold of my psychiatrists and counselor. The message on the phone said in case of an emergency go to ER. But, I can't do that. People will know and put me inside. I can't do that. Hurting someone else or even killing always goes through my mind...that's why I want to kill myself instead. Has anybody else got this reaction after a c&p? I've gone through the national center for ptsd in menlo cali two years ago. Anxieties are rising and then I can't think. I'm hoping this helps.

[Ricky]

My3 my friend. A lot of us have the same feelings. They are very dangerous and sometimes the only help comes from an in-house stay for a couple of weeks. Don't worry about the exam as all will come out well. Your number one priority at this point is to get medical attantion.

If possible sit back and review your feelings. Ask yourself would hurting someone else really help? Would doing harm to yourself really help? When I ask myself these questions and really put some thought into the answers I realize that the answer is no. Hurting someone else or myself will only bring sadness to our loved ones and deep down we do not want to cause this. Hang on my friend and please go to the ER NOW.

[mikee1013]

you are not alone, feel good about where you are now. C&Ps are the worse. I have had 3 in the past 2 years for my PTSD, those were the worse days. It will take a bit but you will recover, like always. You are strong, and that is why you are still here.

Good luck.

[my3jcc]

My3 my friend. A lot of us have the same feelings. They are very dangerous and sometimes the only help comes from an in-house stay for a couple of weeks. Don't worry about the exam as all will come out well. Your number one priority at this point is to get medical attantion.

If possible sit back and review your feelings. Ask yourself would hurting someone else really help? Would doing harm to yourself really help? When I ask myself these questions and really put some thought into the answers I realize that the answer is no. Hurting someone else or myself will only bring sadness to our loved ones and deep down we do not want to cause this. Hang on my friend and please go to the ER NOW.

[my3jcc]

Thanks for replying. I've been trying to ground..but I'm so angry I feel like destroying whatever is around me including this computer. I just need time. All of this compensation and c&p really makes me even madder...due to the fact I've been living with this and my alcohol for over 20 years and now I feel helpless without a drink to get drunk. sometimes the alcohol would give me the strength to follow through. All I want is to make someone hurt who deserves it. There I go again. I'm scared of myself because I really do feel I have the capabilities now, even without alcohol, to follow through. I know this sounds pathetic.

[Ricky]

Thanks for replying. I've been trying to ground..but I'm so angry I feel like destroying whatever is around me including this computer. I just need time. All of this compensation and c&p really makes me even madder...due to the fact I've been living with this and my alcohol for over 20 years and now I feel helpless without a drink to get drunk. sometimes the alcohol would give me the strength to follow through. All I want is to make someone hurt who deserves it. There I go again. I'm scared of myself because I really do feel I have the capabilities now, even without alcohol, to follow through. I know this sounds pathetic.

No sir, not pathetic - simply realistic for a veteran. The alcohol will simply allow you to be someone that you are not so drinking and committing such an act will not accomplish anything as it will not really be you committing the act! If it is the claims process that has you wrapped up just think of it as a game. A game of combat where you are sitting quitely waiting for the enemy to make a mistake and then you make your move - the kill will be the granting of your claim. It will take time so you will have to be patient----------HOWEVER, remember, it is hard to win a battle alone so you will have to have help and that help is only a skip and a hop away at the ER. There you will find the help and relief you need to make it through this battle my friend. I am sorry you are suffering this way and it breaks my heart to read your words and not be able to reach out and touch you. We vets are a special group one that loves each other and feels the pain that our vet family during such times. Hang on and give in and seek the relief your truly want and deserve. Go ahead and go to the ER and in a couple of weeks we will be posting on how to kick butt with your claim.

[Pete53]

Hang in there. You should consider asking for some help from the VA or other sources if available.