This Stressor Thing Blows My Mind - *TRIGGERS*

[packrat]

Good for you. Keep the faith . I keep reading the deffinition of a stressor and even though it is in black and white, it really drives me batty. "Fear for your life or the life of others." I mean have a heart. How about a "reasonable person clause". " exposure to extreme war time sights,sounds or smells that would cause any reasonable person extreme emotional distress. I believe we are just touching the tip of the iceburg with the Vietnam vets when they come out of the woodwork in their mid 60's. I, myself will be able to provide the VA with a government document with statements like "heavily engaged with a hostile force and undaunted by the intensity of hostile fire and remained in his dangerously exposed position to ensure". I was shot at many times and we had rockets and mortors droped on us many a time. I lost close,close friends that were 50 yards away and poof, then they were gone. I have only been exposed this stressor requirement thing for a couple of weeks. Up until then if some one said "stressor" I wouldn't have known what they were talking about.

First hand experience folks. There are things far more unbearable to some then getting shot at or coming close to death. Now if the folks that wrote the requirements don't think so maybe they need to put in a year in a front line position. Now it may only be me but I don't think so. I would rather be shot at then have had to handle some of those poor souls that didn't make it. Those are the ghost that will haunt me until the day I die. I believe you can train a 20 year old to handle a confrontain that can result in their death. I am not sure you can train a 20 year old to handle the sights of what war can do to a human being.

Any war vet should be able to use as a stressor the sights and smells of death without fear for their own life or the life of others. How about the life that was already lost. The dessecration of what was once a human being. The unrecognizable remains of someone husband,son, father or brother. At least to me the origional stressor regulations should have always covered this without the provision of fear for your own life or the life of others.

The sights of the pure horrors of war it self is enough to drive some to the very edge. Even though I can sit with a shrink and prove "fear for my life" I know what I see, asleep and awake. They should not have made it this hard for some of those who sought help in the past.

I am new here and I am not sure venting like this is allowed. These are my thoughts and if it is not allowed or too extreme, I understand if you take it down. I have not seen my first shrink and the VA informs me of a problem. The shrink my be the least of my problems. Take care of each other people. You are vets 365 days of the year not just on Nov 11th.

Semper Fi

[packrat]

Few things in life are as bad as a severe panic attack. I had one and it shocked me so bad I was in a strange dream-like state for months after. The body and mind are screaming "danger", but the danger is coming from the inside not the outside. The shrink said I was suffering from dissociative disorder. It got to the point where I would get lost all the time. It was all a reaction to severe shock due to the panic attack. The main fear I had was that I was losing my mind. People who are really crazy don't fear losing their minds. They think everyone else is nuts. Sometimes if a person is forced to confront a severe phobia it will set off a panic attack. The mind sort of shuts down to protect itself. People can become blind because they have seen something so shocking they don't want to see anymore. That was called hysterical blindness and happended to soldiers in WWI. Severe stress and anxiety work on a person and almost always show up in symptoms of some sort.

I am happy for you John. You at least seem to have a handle of what is going on inside your mind. Your post strikes very close to home as I told someone the other day I thought I was going insane because of the fight going on inside my mind. Part of me wants to quit but part of me says "no it wil hurt". How can you add to the hurt if you want the hurt to stop? For years and years people around me at work and home have seen me leave. Go some place else mentally yet the body remains in place. They always know when it happens as I do the same thing each and every time. I always tell them I was in deep thought yet I have no memory of where I was. I stare into nothing and I see nothing. Now as I write what happens to me I am coming full circle to " I must be insane". I had a spell a few months ago where something happened to me that put me back where I was 42 years ago. I was standing and when it hit I can only describe it as the same sensation you feel when you dream your are falling and wake out of a sound sleep before you hit. If your not asleep how can you wake up?. The last thing I remember was a blackness and a buzzing sensation and I wanted to scream yet I could not. I woke up on the ground. How can these types of thing not make us feel insane. I have reached A point in my life where I not only want to talk about these things I want to scream them. I want to give these thoughts to someone else so I can have some peace. It sounds like you may understand what I am saying John.

[LarryJ]

" For years and years people around me at work and home have seen me leave. Go some place else mentally .................."

packrat, this is something that has been going on with me, for, well, heck, since 1965...............................for years I told everybody, and everybody began to believe it, that I'm Indian (and I am) and that I was "communicating with the Spirit Animals"............or some such Indian B.S. But, heck, I THOUGHT that EVERYBODY did this........this "leaving" sort of thing!