ptsd Advice?

[USCG CWO4]

I don't really need help with the VA, but I don't really know where else to talk about this. I have been seeing a shrink for over a year and I take meds and see a counselor. I pay for it all, instead of going thru the VA. Although I did see a VA shrink this past summer after a failed suicide attempt and a stay at the VA hospital. My counselor feels that I suffer from PTSD and I should see someone for that, who specializes in it. But that would mean I would have to foot the bill myself cause the insurance company won't pay for two counselors. I already have depression and severe anxiety.

I just saw her again today and am having a bad day. I feel like I cannot participate in VA groups because i was never in battle or had someone shoot at me. I have seen lots of dead people and watched people drown and die. I have had to cut down people who hanged themselves and had someone kill themselves because of things that I did,. All these things haunt me everday. I have almost ruined my marriage, but my wife has been nothing but supportive. I don't want to let them down.

I hate my job and it seems meaningless to me, alothough I do show up most days. I am rambling and I am sorry. My question is, has anyone seen a PTSD specialist and is it worth it? NOt sure if I should try someone new, I don't want to start from the beging again with a counselor.

Thanks

Bob

[john999]

I went to a group for years and it was what turned me around. The thing is if the group is small and stable it is good. Big groups of people who come and go don't really get it. The group helps you see yourself as others see you right now. You may thing you have guilt or some obvious problem written all over your face, but others just see a person. You will get feedback on how you interact with others and how you appear.

[USCG CWO4]

Thanks for all the replies. Not sure where i will go from here. I am waiting until after my knee replacement to do anything.