I put this on the C&P forum because I have a 5 yr reevaluation for my TDIU for PTSD coming up in the next few months. But, here is the story. I was taken into the VA mental health program by a former employer and after a year and a half of therapy every week I was granted and increase from my 30% PTSD and 50% overall disability rating. I was awarded TDIU with a 70% PTSD rating. I continued my weekly group, bi weekly individual therapy and every 3 month psychiatrist visits for 3 yrs. I saw marginal success in my recovery and had come to the conclusion that it is what it is and I would probably have difficulty for the rest of my life. Then this happened.
When I was brought into the program I had a social worker go over a suicide plan and take me through all the steps that were needed for me to be successful in the recovery program offered by the VA. I did not work with her individually after that, but saw her and spoke with her in the halls. About 9 months ago this Social worker took her own life in her office at the VA mental health building I go to. I will be honest and say that this was difficult for me not only in the fact that I knew her and she was a very nice woman, but it also shook my faith in the VA recovery system. How is the professional who worked my suicide plan with me and ask me to follow the guidelines for recovery going to commit suicide, especially at work? I am already very skeptical of everything and have trouble trusting people, but for me this was proof that PTSD is not gong to be cured. I can go to 1000 therapy sessions and take all the meds they can shove down my throat, but once you have it, its with you forever and it's up to you figure out how you can learn to live with it.
My question is this, I have started going back to individual and group therapy recently and I discussed with my social worker my feelings on this situation. I told him about how I lost faith in the VA and I withdrew from the program as a result. I will be honest and say that I had a series of stresses occur that put me in a bad place for many months and it was time to talk to someone. However, when I read my Blue Button notes, My social worker mentioned nothing about my comments on the situation and why I stopped coming to the VA for a period of about 9 months. I am thinking of asking him why he did not mention it in my notes. He is aware of my upcoming C&P and I am sure the examiner will look at my record. I want to know if I just need to let this go and not make a big deal about it? I know saying I lost faith in the VA's mental health system won't look good for me, however, it's the truth and it explains my absence for those months. Any thoughts would be appreciated.