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About lynnga

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    E-3 Seaman

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  • Service Connected Disability
  1. So I got awarded a 100% temp disability rating for bipolar adjustment disorder with anxiety, depressed mood and insomnia. Even though my C&P exam showed PTSD along with many other Drs I did not receive a rating for ptsd. I was sure the C&P exam was for ptsd, but I don't know what happened because when I got there the dr told me it was for my bipolar (even though all drs beside the C&P and the original dr have ruled bipolar out). So I was given the rating based on the bipolar disorder that was wrongfully diagnosed. I'm happy to have a diagnosis that I can truly get help for, I'm entering a PTSD inpatient program Weds. However, I don't have the fight in me anymore to keep dealing with the va or military in regards to the wrongful diagnosis. I don't want to deal with it anymore. No more appeals, NOD's. I'm done. They won. My question is after I get help, if I feel better after this program, I need to go back to work as my disability rating is temp and because I was an LVN until 2012, I can't let 5 more years pass on without working as a nurse because I'll lose my knowledge and skills (no way I'm going to remember how to be a nurse after only working as one for 2 years and then not working again for 8 years). So I know with a 100% temp rating you can't earn more than so much money. However, we can't afford for me not to work after the 5 years go by and my rating can drop or whatever. So I guess I need to know how to drop the rating after I get the help I need. I actually don't want any compensation from the va after this, I really don't want to be associated with the military anymore. I just want the help I need by going in this program and then be done with the military forever. I don't want to associate myself as a veteran or anything anymore as I'm disgusted by the treatment I've received. So can someone help me and tell me how to go about dropping everything after I get out and hopefully receive the help I need for once? I have calvet appointee but she's not responding or helping. I'm just done. Going back to work as a nurse will give me and my family health insurance and the money that we need to get our bills and other stuff paid.
  2. In 2003 During a traumatic event I was hospitalized for four days and given a bipolar diagnosis. I enlisted under past childhood sexual abuse that was waived for entry. I was sent off base, I don't believe they ever reviewed the events that lead to hospitalization and just came up with bipolar. I was honorably discharged in 2006 and was on inactive reserve until 2009. During my exit eval I told the dr I did not believe I was bipolar, how can someone be bipolar for four days. Anyway she put that my diagnosis was "deferred". Since then I've seen many drs on anxiety, insomnia and depressed mood (all of which combined in my 30% adjustment disorder rating) I also get another 20% for headaches, tinnitus and back issues. No other drs can agree with bipolar and I was finally diagnosed correctly with ptsd. Even my va dr said bipolar is "ruled out". However the c&p dr still put in bipolar and even wrote he did not review hard files of military records, outside med records or my c file. How the hell, does a dr you see for 30 mins decide against 6 other drs that bipolar stands and that he can't differentiate between the symptoms of bipolar vs ptsd when I've had unexplained pelvic pain, nausea and other symptoms that go hand in hand? It was service connected due to the traumatic event but this is bull.... I have the right for them to take responsibility for THEIR screw up in not diagnosing me correctly or even evaluating me further to come to the PTSD diagnosis that is clear with events in my military file and medical records. If I had been diagnosed correctly the first time I would have gotten the help I needed then instead of just now (going into a women trauma center for 2-3 months inpatient). I was denied increase in 2010 for anxiety and such because they still looked at the bipolar disorder, when I was being seen by a therapist for anxiety and trying to get to the source of why I was choosing the men I was choosing (physically emotionally abusive) subconsciously. Along with fear of intimacy. If that doesn't scream ptsd with all my other symptoms, I don't know what does. I just feel had they looked further I wouldn't have gone to rock bottom 10+ years later because I was being treated for something I didn't have and only being treated for anxiety, insomnia and depressed moods. I did not react to bipolar meds so was never given any. How is this fair? Does this mean they're not going to take responsibility and only go back to when I requested another increase because I could no longer leave the house without panic attacks? That just doesn't seem right. Had I got the help before, I probably never would be where I'm at today. I feel I deserve for them to take responsibility. What are my options. I have 6 doctors to say I am NOT bipolar! Should I sue? I haven't got the decision yet but I can see my C&P exam, the ptsd is linked to in service, there is a stressor and it does say I am totally inable to work due to all my symptoms. But I really feel they need to man up. I will not be happy with them saying "oh, your bipolar just got worse". Hell no, what got worse is untreated PTSD because of your systems messed up evals so I never got the treatment I needed. If that isn't emotional damage I don't know what is! What do I do if they only go back to this last claim opened in dec 2014? My symptoms were worsening since I got out, but they didn't even bother to see it. Back in 2010 it was getting worse but after my increase was denied I said screw it and saw care outside of the va, only until I could no longer leave the house did I file another increase.
  3. Basically he was just over me doing paperwork all day and getting no where. He apologized and came with me to my va dr appt and we both expressed our frustration. My claim is now being handled by the strike force team. My kids are ages 9, one turned 3 in April, and youngest will be 2 next month.
  4. Thanks. I got a call form sac va secretary. My spot with va dr tomorrow to get into program. But my husband has lost it with the whole process and basically kicked me out and told me not to come back until I'm "fixed". He said he can't handle me like this anymore. He is keeping our kids, I don't know when I can see them again. Wasn't expecting it. Broke my heart, and im pretty sad over losing my family because I couldn't get in fast enough for him and he doesn't understand why I can't snap out of it.
  5. I wrote her. Thank you, I hope it gives my family and me the help I need. I don't want to see my va dr. I'm beyond pissed at her. Everyone is scared to leave me alone. I love my mil. She's amazing.
  6. Ok call me paranoid or whatever. But like I said weird things are going on and I'm at my wits end and about to get rid of my POA for amvets. Here are some examples. (FYI, maybe because of my last of trust due to ptsd, I'm pretty damn good at "researching" and my dad is a computer nerd who retired from the military and now works for the state gov in computer security as the main guy). I have gone to va oakland RO, with my mil who works for social security for the last 30 years. Let's just say she totally gets why I'm so confused. I have never spoken directly to the amvets supervisor in "charge" of my case. The people below him have limited access to it and because he's on vacation I still have no answers. The VSO was confusing, telling me my paperwork was wrong on my claims. He told me to withdraw the appeal and just do the reconfiguration. He first suggested we go to calvets, then said that he was actually the best person to go through, and said get rid of amvets. Then his supervisor after hearing my story said we should STAY with amvets, but the vso said NO, just go through him and he withdrew my appeal. We were there 4 hours and probably left more confused then when we got there. Still don't know about my award because it was given to debt management even though the award was based on their mistake and they added the smc (that nobody else can see expect me when I got those 3 extra attached papers that I was told I should have never been given. All of a sudden I'm getting credit card paperwork from my credit cards saying that they're being closed due to no activity, or changing to synchrony bank. Now I don't believe it's a coincidence that I've gotten 3 in the last week. None of which have any debt on them as they were paid off. But they have codes attached: s207, s206 and some other codes on bottom. I was able to look up and it basically says "for household" or one of the credit cards are from when I got breast implants and that came up as "malpractice". The one for Old Navy said I'd get a new card but would have to activate it and that was the one that stated "household". DEERS, I've been getting notices to update but can't through computer so I physically went to base and was told because I don't have "original certified copies" to bring back. I was already so anxious being there, the girl could tell so she told me to just walk up to the desk and she'd help me when I got back, however I was able to fax it in. They had my 2nd ex under my social (who was a drug user and I left abruptly with our 2 year old and never looked back), and the had me as my sponser when I went to ER on base and I kept saying that wasn't right, he was kicked out of the military shortly after I left for drug use, heavy drugs. Not a single person can give me answers to whats going on with my claim and what I need to do. I was called by my va dr yesterday saying they're filling out my referral package for the program I want to get into. My access is limited on ebenefits even though I have premier account. I cannot get into my direct deposit and contact info to update. The most terrifying thing to me is I don't trust how the military handled mental health. I mean, they sent me to the hospital because I was crying asking for time off work while my friend and only support was visiting me during that awful time and then I just sat there for four days over the weekend when the Dr wasn't even there except 2 days. I was wisked away, no idea it was coming. It was horrific. I don't know if this is why it's a complex case as I've been told, but maybe because I was arrested for domestic violence ( I hit my husband in his right arm), all charges dropped, never got a court date. This was 3 months after our 3rd baby. I was so sleep deprived and having two babies back to back I think made things worse. Especially with my husbands long hour days and night shifts. I went to ER on Friday, they took a ton of blood and sent me home after talking to psych. I was able to look at tricare but results weren't in. It was a whole lot of drug tests (which I know I'm negative minus my 2-3 xanax a day for sleep and anxiety, and my prescribed adderall XR for ADHD). I don't drink except maybe once or twice a month, I had a glass of champagne the night before with mil and that was one glass, I hate pot, makes me paranoid. I've always had great BP, I kept setting off the alarms while in labor because it was low. When I went to ER it was 142/86, I weigh 110lbs my average is 130 but because of stress I don't eat often. With all these confusing answers and feeling like I'm on trial and paranoid when I know things are happening without them thinking I will put it together... I feel like Mel Gibson on Conspiracy Theory. Who's the best VA lawyer, attorney? I found stuff in my medical records at my exit exam.
  7. Doing better. Went to er and talked to the psych and all decided best not to mix me with the gen pop in mental health. Getting me in sooner. What's weird is I filed a nod based in a mistake for dependents that led to $6k debt. They fast tracked it and I was awarded $4300 + any withholdings and they added smc under code "s" for all the years I've been out. Not sure how I got that.
  8. Suicide

    I feel like I'm on trial just to show proof that I need more than just once a week therapy
  9. Suicide

    I'm 50% disability through military. 30% mental health. I've been seeking help and disgusted that a note from a hotline put in saying I'm more worried of compensation instead of recovery. I'm worried about compensation to get recovery. Seems like they just want to not help or just aren't looking into my military med and service records to show the proof. If they just looked, they'd see.
  10. If someone kills themselves while awaiting c&p exam so they can get compensated enough to get inpatient treatment so their family doesn't lose their home and such. The person has requested multiple times for help and getting inpatient treatment with compensation for family to not struggle financially due to spouse work schedule and childcare and mortgage. Is blown off and finds note from mst coordinator on va records stating she feels it's more about compensation than recovery. Will family be able to get compensation after veteran is dead from suicide? This veteran isn't getting the help they need and sees no way out. It was never about money to go around and shop with, it was money for the family to deal while veteran gets inpatient help for 2-3 months.
  11. 4 hours at va to yesterday with mil. No answers really. Just saying mistakes made in paperwork. Guy ran upstairs asked about if I needed stressor claim and rater said no. I'm exhausted. No help. Numerous calls to get me in treatment and how. Everyone says wait until after eval. I'm holding on by a thread. My file has so many stressors in it I don't even know how I "fell" through the system unrecognized. Guess you really do have to kill yourself to show ptsd or get help for it. No way I'm going back to a mental clinic full of men again for four days and people who don't relate to my issues. Sad you can call crisis line, women's mst coordinators, hospital themselves and still told to wait it out. I'm so tired I can sleep forever. I have no more fight in me. It just so happens my issues are on the brink of a 4 day weekend for most and my problems interfere with their good time. Let freedom ring.
  12. I can't get on to see any paperwork on ebenefits, I get a yellow triangle with ! when I try and update my compensation info. Everything is being really weird. I called amvets and even the lady I spoke to said she can't see what is going on, only her boss can and she'd try to get him to call me back. I have not heard anything.
  13. Dx bipolar adjustment disorder with anxiety, depressed mood and sleep issues during bad/abusive and was hospitalized in 2003. Enlisted with past childhood abuse of 4 years was waived and cleared for service. When I got out of military in 06 was given 30% for above dx. Seeking help for all and nobody else can say I'm bipolar so treated for other issues. Still getting worse regardless of seeing therapist once a week, pscych through va and my private insurance and marriage counseling. So I went in to file a claim for increase rating because I'm so bad off now that I can't work, and I couldn't handle taking care of my 1&2 year old so we have them in daycare full time. Needed extra money to "make it". I went into my local vet office. He filed claim. During all this I had filed a claim in 2013 for divorce from 2nd husband to be removed and add on my now 3rd husband and 2 new kids. After 2 years almost was given a letter stating I owed money, but it was calculated wrong. They took my ex out and oldest son while I was still married and had my kid for 3 years. I received another later shortly after saying my claim for increased rating was denied because they couldn't get a hold of me for exam (nobody ever called). Went back to my local vet rep who filed another nod on dependent claim because I was getting nowhere. He also asked that I be given new exam date since I didn't ever hear about geting one. He told me to come back following week to get a hold of east coast because it was closed by then regarding the debt. Went back, he was on vacation, another rep told me I should head to regional office. I did. . Showed them my debt paperwork and asked how to speed it up because I feared of not making mortgage and how I couldn't take care of my kids without daycare based on my mental health. Never once did I mention ptsd because I was not aware. Looking back at paperwork, the POA was checked and I signed. Found out about ptsd, dx through private dr. Wrote va dr asking for eval she said we'd discuss at next appt. Called va number and asked how to go about getting a ptsd on the eval I was already given date for and they said the eval was for ptsd. I didn't understand because it was ordered before dx of dr, or me even knowing about it. went to va local on monday to ask how to get temp 100% rating so I could get help through an inpatient program but we need to have money coming in to pay for my husband decrease in pay if he takes disability family leave. He told me to just wait until my appt date. But then he said my debt had been taken care of, I didn't believe him and he printed it out. I was given award money, and on top of that for all the years they added on special compensation for kids and husband. I can no longer access certain med records. I have stuff just showing up on ebenefits but can't see anything. I can't see "appeal status" at all, says it's down until Sep. Anyone else? There are all these codes I don't understand attached to "historical claims". What is going on???? I called amvets and the lady said she'd have the person who filed nod for dependents and again put another letter on top of my local office about comp claim. I think they're helping me out, without getting me to do anything, maybe because it's all documented in my military record? I don't know?? But I have major trust issues so it makes me nervous. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do, I never physically filed a claim for ptsd and mst, but can they do that without me based on all the evidence that's already documented? I don't understand how I don't have to do anything, like it's being done for me or something. I have eval on 29.
  14. I was given a psych eval at time of enlistment which cleared me for service. My "stressor" was my husband at the time. He moved out after a camping trip saying he "had too" because if he didn't he could get in a lot of trouble and he couldn't tell me why. When he left for camping trip everything was fine, I didn't understand what was happening. Within a couple days my friend from my hometown flew down to be with me for emotional support. When she was there, his best friend told me that during the camping trip he cheated with his ex girlfriend. I was devastated but once he knew I knew he wouldn't leave me alone, he'd call beg for forgiveness, show up at my work, at home. I wanted to get away to deal with it, I asked my supervisor for time off. He sent me to behavioral health. I was crying upset and whatever as I told the dr about what I was going through. He left me in the room and called my mom (she had originally wanted to come up but I didn't want her too). My mom who had dealth with a suicide in her past went into protective mode and since I wouldn't let her come, she told the dr to make sure that I was safe and suggested treatment to keep me from my ex and to make sure I was safe since she couldn't be there. Next thing Iknow, my commander, first shirt and two military police are escorting me to off base clinic an hour away and my friend had to fly home. I was beyond upset, my only real support and it sucked, especially since I was not suicidal. When I was in the clinic I was getting calls there and on my cell from my ex begging me to take him back and that he wasn't seeing her anymore, and getting calls from friends saying they were at a baseball game together. It was horrible, I had the same love betrayl issues I felt with my past. I got out after 4 days (would have been sooner if it hadn't been a weekend). Got home and he was waiting. I asked him to leave, he'd cry and get upset and threaten things like taking the car if I didn't let him in. It only got worse. 2-3 days after clinic release I realized I hadn't had a period. Took a test and found to be pregnant. Told him because I didn't know what to do. Horrible. He said it was a "sign from god that we needed to work it out". I gave in, a day later he told me he had made plans to see his dad that weekend and couldn't cancel. In my heart I knew he was lying but said ok. My friend saw him with her, I had my friend calling me, I then had him calling me and then I had the girl calling me. He was telling me that he was breaking it off with her, that I was having his baby and he could see me anytime he wanted and basically used the baby against me. The girl he was having affair with called to tell me she had no idea I was pregnant and that they were "together". I asked his supervisor at work to keep him away, to make him stop calling, coming to my home, waiting at the gym in the morning during pt, stopping by my work, emailing me through work. It was laughed off. I wen to obgyn asking for help on how to obtain time off work for abortion and where to get one. Was told they don't do that, the dr stated "I'm pro life". My supervisor was aware of everything and I think he granted me the time off. Went through horrific experience at procedure wide awake, painful emotionally and physically. I filed for divorce, moved an hour from base (he'd still show up), and then extended my enlistment to go to Korea just to get away from him. All this is documented in my MILITARY record: hospital stay, abortion, divorce, and orders. I never saved the emails, but I do have hand written letters he would leave on my car or where ever. (from the time he moved out, to the time I left for Korea, all this happened within 10 months. Would have been sooner had it not taken so long for orders to Korea to get approved and assigned). If I need witnesses: Well my entire office, my roommate before moving an hour away, his supervisor. It's been 11 years, he's married to her with 3 kids. He still contacts me. Apparently this is enough for MST related ptsd for documentation.
  15. I just recently stumbled across sexual ptsd and after many years couldn't believe I finally could relate to why I have the feelings I do. Been seeking help and not getting better, just worse. Got out of military with a dx of bipolar adjustment disorder with anxiety, depressed mood and sleep disturbances. This was after what they would call a "stressor" via mst by ex husband. I didn't know about it until recently. Enlisted with waiver after being sexually abused for 4 years by my father which I then reported and he was sent to prison. I was sent off base when it all happened. I believe I was misdiagnosed after seeing multiple drs and none agreed with bipolar dx. Treated for anxiety, depression and insomnia but nobody ever linked child abuse although I always stated at begining of new care. My private therapist finally dx me when I came to her with the symptoms of ptsd for sexual abuse. We had never gone over it because we were focusing just week to week on my current mental health. Only after I told her entire history did we get an answer. I called to see about adding ptsd eval to my existing mental health eval based on current military dx that was set up for July 29. What caught me off guard was that I was told it is a ptsd eval, I was so confused because none of my drs have given me paperwork yet and I was told the eval was put in before I wrote va dr concerning the ptsd. The eval was put in on the 23rd, which is the day I went to my regional office to open up the claim again after it was closed because of "missed apt" that I was never notified of. They immediately rescheduled the exam. I did not mention ptsd because I wasn't aware of it until later that day when I stumbled upon it. Can Amvet see flags in your file before drs could link? Has this happened to anyone? I'm so happy they did, but I'm surprised they found it before I did or a dr. And I only thought eval was for my existing claim.