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About berlin2010

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    E-3 Seaman

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  1. That's a good point. Thank you.
  2. First I would like to thank this site for help and to let you know, I have been waiting for while to post in this section and it's finally here. I check E-bennie and I was award 70% ptsd due MST with paid at 100% tdiu. I'm waiting for the official letter in couple of days. I can finally take a breathier now continue with my treatment. I pray all the time during this process and finally he help. Thank you guys for your help. I only had my family statements as my proof. So, family statement does help you . keep fighting and don't give up. One thing, if they are taking a long time to help you, you can get in touch with McDonald.( he will help get back to you) also the MSt coordinator will help. I still can't believe it. .
  3. no at ves and he did not ask much about my ptsd, Ii started talking about event but went into a disassociate while doing it. now he asked me was dispressed due to my hardship and I told him not it was due to my ptsd. He did not asked me about not sleeping. So I don't know.
  4. I had my c & p exam today and I don't think it went well. he was very Stoic and they surprise me with a man. I also had a episode while telling my story. All I can do is hope it come out in my favor. I hope it come out ok because I'm going to be homeless. Every time I speak on about my MST I have a dissociation
  5. well, I hope I can get thru it. I just going to be myself and tell the truth.
  6. I just received my c &p exam package for my appointment for ptsd due to mst. Any advice for how to prepared for the appointment. so nervous about the appointment. Also does this mean I half way done? I'm surprise I've gotten this far with must my buddy letters and my statement.
  7. Thanks Buck52 and congrat on your win the other week.
  8. How much weight does the dsm-v has ? I have been in therepy for over year at the Va now and they did a dsm-v on me and vha said I met the ptsd requirement. my question is Once I get my c &P exam will they take that in consideration or do I have to do it again with the c & P examiner? Reason why I asked is that my VSO rep said I might not have to take the c & P exam due to I did all my medical with the VA. I just don't believe that.
  9. my doctor keep asking me about hearing voices every time I go in. I telling them No the Tv is not talking to me. I don't Hear voice behind me. I have PSTD, major depression and anxiety due MST. I flash back of event all time. I disassociate every time I talk about my event. I scared they trying to say that I have psychosis instead of PTSD. I pass they dsm-5 test for PTSD. I feel they are trying to trick me into saying I hear voice which I don't, so my claim won't be covered. I don't know what to do at this point.
  10. I have been in therapy for about a year and the va hospital. They are still trying to figure out my medication dosage. I have one on one with vet center every week. ( wish I love going to ), one on one once month with the VA for medication, and I have attended 3 group therapy: ( 2 I finished and one was stop to due to people started drop out). They turn that group therapy into and one on one with the group leader instead due only me and another vet was the last women standing. My question is with this one on one group problem. Everything was going great until she wanted to have everyone to write about our Event and read it to her only. That is when everything I've work for went to hell. I was hard but I did I write what I could and I read it to her and now she wants me to read it everyday. at home to myself. It just really hard for me. There are some good days in my life and lot more bad days. I feel, if I read this event letter everyday all of my days will be bad. I have nightmare, I can't sleep much anymore. I'm taken 3 different kind of pills everyday for my ptsd due MST, and I have drive over 50 mile to go to VA for 60 minutes. I'm night working, my bill is crazy, my mortgage is past due. my life now is royal mess. The VA is making it worse. Yes, I they are days I really can't deal and I just stay in bed. There are days I just shut down and not take shower and just want to stay in bed. I just don't understand why she can't understand this. She making it so hard for me that I don't know what to do. I had a disassociation in her office while reading my event. I feel that VA is really putting so much pressure on me that is making it worse. She tells me that I should get up everyday and take a shower, but there are some days I just can't deal with it...now she wants me to call her everyday at a certain time and if I don't she will call the cops to come to my house. and she said if I don't show some kind of effort or improvement she is going to have me committed. She said this is for my safety. She said my clothes was dirty and I know it was not due to I wash clothes every Sunday Am I being set up for some reason. I don't want to deal with her or session anymore. I have told my social worker, the vet center person That I feel this group(one on one) is going to fast for me. I can't wait for this session to be over. I feel she want me to be cured in a 15 week session. I feel it's about her and not about me. I'm at the point I want to not go anymore but I'm afraid to because I feel she will have me committed. She has sent the cops to my house 3 times already. I thought therapy is suppose to help you and understand what you are going thru.... I just don't know what to do? I prayed that my claim get approved and I can go to a real doctor and really talk this out. I have suppress my event for many many years. I think it going to take more then 15 week for me. I want to let her know how I feel but I'm afraid of what she going to do. I hate coming this see her. I appreciate any advice .
  11. What I don't understand is were's the outrage for the women who join the military and fell victim to MST then you have our government making us jump through hoops to get what should have been taken care up since the dawn of time. If they mad the effort to take care of the problem from the start, we wouldn't have this big problem now. Problem is that you see these big female stars winning about how my big fat check is not bigger compare to my co-star. Ranting about where is the outrage from this country for us.
  12. Thank you all for your advice and yes I'm not going to give up and your right in what your saying. I have to have all of my ducks in roll before sending my claim off. Thank you for the good advice and I will keep everyone post on the outcome.
  13. I have been thinking about and I feel I owe to myself to do what I could not do back then. I owe it to myself to not just lay down and accept like I did back then. I nothing to lose and everything to gain if I go forward. I finally have closure. I help now finally. Only to things can come of these is 1. get approve and get vindication or 2. denied and I'll take if from there. hell, I live in California the most liberal state and with the highest approval (88%) for MST. If denied I can write to congress for help. So thank you all for advice, I will try and look for my evidence. but I going to try anyway, I won't know unless I try.
  14. Thank you for the advice. I just don't think i have any chance at all. my cousin think I should do it anyway. who knows. I just feel so sad right now. It's just not fair that the government can do what it want and just get away with it. ( in my case they are.) This whole process has been really hard for me. It has been destroying my life with the shame and dealing with it. I don't understand why they put family statement and you can't use it. They took away my life, dream and everything that I was about and they just get away with it. I got out about 6 month after this happen and was forced into the navy reserved. the whole time I was in the reserved I missed, drills, I came late and finally I went Awol. I was drinking the whole time plus have nightmares. I really could not deal with emotion and being myself. I did get married but divorce within 2 years after due to my mst. Going to VA has not help me. much...
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