Arlene

But, I never give up. Headstrong is my middle name. What angered me was finding out my dad only received 55 dollars a month disability from the army. And, he never got the purple heart. After his death, I found in his army jacket pocket a yellowed newspaper clipping about receiving the purple heart. I made so many phone calls, wrote places but, the place that houses his records had a fire I was told. That was the end of that, He lost his hearing and like he said, and " then some." I got a coffee can of pieces, shrapnel they took from my dad's back and legs. He was in the First Armour Division. My dad deserved so much better. Yet, he was proud of his country and proud to be an American. I grew up in the American Legion and he was once a commander. My dad would tell the boys growing up, ' make no mistake, she looks like her mother but, she is alot like... me...." They ran.

Bertha, I should add, my husband never once went to a VA hospital. He worked in the field, and, they did a mini test in the office, and, his blood pressure came up high. Higher than normal, and told to see his own Doctor. So, he did. This doctor failed him. My husband went to him thereafter, so many times for an eye problem. Which in hindsight was the BP. Long story with him. AND, oh, I tried to make this man/doctor accountable to no avail. His shingle is still hanging which bothers me. I tried to enact, Tim's Law. Making it mandatory that at each doctor visit no matter the given reason, the BP would be taken. I had help with a senator. I had 3 George Washington's Lawyers, and interns writing up a mission statement. Then, it was decided that most doctors take the BP, not so.... at all. I wanted Tim not to die in vain. It was at his autopsy it was concluded that agent orange caused the heart problem, hence, the BP. And, of course, our sons birth defects which we never connected to AO. Until, after his death. My dad who fought in WW2, the European Campaign, in Anzio he was injured, told me all my life I was " headstrong." Well, back in 98, after seeing my parents die from cancer, most of my family, I really had no hopes in winning this battle either. We had just bought out house. And, I was shortly, thereafter, diagnosed. With HD, yet. Wrong cancer. Wrong drugs. For 18 months. I was not going to fight it. I was laying a rug in the boy's room, and then, while laying it thinking, " is this going to be the last thing i do for my kids?" It was found on my heart. As well other places. Then, when all done, I stood back by the closet door and thought, " no, this is not going to be the last thing i do for my kids, they need me, a mom." So, I sat in that pink chemo chair. And, sat in the pink chemo chair... for a total of five years and 3 months. I grew up listening to my dad's war stories. And, how he was " shell-shocked." And, I remembered him, pointing to his head,saying, " don't dig a fox hole up here." And, not sure what that meant. Ever. But, that first time sitting in that pink chemo chair, I said..." dad this is for you." and, when it got bad, where, the drugs hurt, or made me feel like a drunk, I thought of my dad in Anzio. That young man who lied about his age, 16 to fight for his country. I would fight for my kids. So, they had this woman they called, mom. I learned alot about PTSD. Probably, more than I choose to know. I got it. I got it from fighting cancer. And the shock of finding Tim. But, I deal with it. And, it is really hard on somedays, even years later.

Hi Bertha, Thank you for taking the time to respond to me, and I am happy to meet you! No, I am not a member of the Gold Star wives... I do not know what that is, or if I would be worthy. My husband always kidded me, saying I was " trouble' lol. I really liked him. I could never decide if I liked him more or loved him more. I am sorry to hear of your plight though. I hope all works out, and If i can be of any help I am here, to even, just listen. The VA was honestly, very good to me. I think, maybe I was lucky? I don't know. My husband and I would have our " delicious" coffees, from McDonalds, cause I make really lousy coffee and sit and read the Sunday rag in our basement. There we would read to each other, and watch our black and white tv. The day he died, he said, to me... the oddest thing. My ankle was wrapped up from surgery and he would tell me, " Arleeny, don't worry no one dies from Ankle cancer..." lol, meanwhile, it was NHL, but, he was like that, always trying to make me feel more at ease, better. But, this one day, that day, he said, to me, " Don't you ever feel like you are the unluckiest person in the world?" Meaning, how weird this Lymphoma was on me, how unmerciful it was always coming back. But, I told him the truth. I said, ' no, I got you, the kids, they never gave us a ounce of worry, a nice house and i don't want for nothing, and I am still here..." That night... I walked downstairs and found him on the floor. I did CPR with the phone cord around my neck, but, Tim was gone. And, I got to admit, I was blown away. And, for the longest time, I felt like, ' yeah, I am the unluckiest person in the world." Then, I thought... I had so much more in life, than so many others never had a day in their life. I was married to this man who made me laugh for one month short of 25 years, and my kids could not had wanted a greater dad, that all made me lucky. The luckiest woman in the world. Never give up.

Hello, My husband in 2005 had died service-related. He was 49 years old. He told me before he passed on that I should write a book. It was the fifth time I relapsed with NHL. Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. My first diagnosis was when I was 43 on my birthday, and the last time, the fifth time, so far, a month before he passed on. When he said that to me, we laughed. I said, " what about?" We both knew , about what. My problem with Lymphoma. Then, he suddenly past on from a heart attack due to agent orange. After his death, I decided to write that book he told me that I should write. But, little did I know, it would include losing him. He was a great guy. A good dad. We never had put together our sons birth defects until, after their dad's death. So, as meager and probably, poorly, written is my book I am offering it to you to read. It is on Kindle and Amazon. I am hoping some will help out by buying it. The VA did come through for me. Helping me out with benefits, too. I have been in remission since my husband died. He was my best supporter, always looking for ways to treat this beast of mine. But, nothing was working. I was on Rituxan, ABVD, earlier, when misdiagnosed with HD, and numerous other drugs. Like my doctor, my onc, said, to me, that everything about my disease had been weird. It would go there, come back there, and kept going... like a weird energizer bunny. Then, he past on. And, the only thing i can think is he is up there in heaven, saying to God, going to bat for me saying, ' look my wife is a really nice lady, give her a break." The Oncologist said, ' i am beating the odds." Thank you for your time in reading this. Arlene Ps. I am without a doubt the most imperfect person you would ever meet. So, is my book. But, it is from my heart...