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About EgregiousError

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    E-3 Seaman

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  • Service Connected Disability
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  1. Thank you. Given the circumstances, this is just disconcerting. I don't have anything on the form. There's nothing physiologically wrong with me. There's no check box for flashbacks and spontaneously vomiting during intimacy. I called LHI and the VA for a run down of what to expect. Neither could answer. There is no accommodation that would make this scenario okay for me. I did forewarn them that I had a history of violence during certain exams and that they should warn the provider that calling me prior might be beneficial. I told my psych care team and they didn't really know either. "it could be a questionnaire or maybe they're looking for evidence?" Evidence of WHAT? It's absolutely infuriating. My plan is to go, carry a letter explaining why I cannot go through a physical exam, have a designated driver, take a handful of pills at the first sign of trouble, decline any physicals, then leave. *deep breath*
  2. Who ever is processing my claim is clearly looking after me and I'm trying to be grateful. Not everyone gets this type of attention. But here's the thing. I've not had a pap or well woman type appointment in a very long time, probably 10 years. In fact, I'm three years past due for a mammogram that was supposed to be done every three months because there is a mass visible in my x-rays. This is in large part to the trauma that caused me PTSD. It is also the driving force for me getting help, because I think it's stupid to die of a curable or preventable condition because I am scared of paper gowns and dark rooms. Anyhow, I claimed PTSD and it was approved. My guardian angel also put in for a few other conditions, including FSAD, secondary to PTSD. The C&P is 45 minutes and with a GYN. Can anyone give me a heads up as to what to expect? I cannot imagine a physical exam being of any use. I asked LHI and the VA, and neither could tell me. The last GYN appointment I had resulted in me being banned from the clinic and nearly losing access to ALL military treatment facilities. I was told that if my problems were that severe, I should go to the VA.... Irony? Anyhow, any insight into what the exam will look like would be helpful.
  3. I struggle with crowds and busy places like stores, classrooms, waiting rooms etc, but have found that GIANT crowds and certain kinds of busy places are fine. I have been in the middle of a sea of 100k people and felt safer than at 7/11. In fact, in that group, I am invisible. I can handle visits to large casinos because, again, I can blend. The repetitive noise will, eventually, wear me out, but not the people. For me, the difference lies in how much attention I draw. In a group of 20, I can and do stand out. In a line with only five people, again, I stand out. Then comes interaction, which is where I really stumble. I can see how a casino would work for some though. It's a scripted environment with its own rules and its morals, that allows followers to be as big or small as they want. If I were you, I'd just be happy that another veteran has found some place they can belong.
  4. Thank you. No one deserved it, but it was done with astonishing regularity and was normalized with use of things like the McDowell Checklist, which is still in use today. There is a special place in hell for that man and all his contemporaries and apologists. I find solace in knowing I will have an opportunity to spit on his grave. (a wee bit passionate about it. lol) For me, the DAV is much quicker than e-benefits. When I got my first rating they notified me a full 3 weeks before the VA letter or changes in e-benefits. When I got my dependency approved, they called five days before I saw it on e-bennies. The sign that e-benefits is about to catch up to DAV, in my case, has always been in my bank account. I'm going to swing by on my way to the VA today.
  5. My complex PTSD was obtained entirely in service. The Dx does not require or infer childhood trauma, that is simply a common example. Combat is very much an inescapable and recurrent trauma. Flashbacks and emotional disturbance after returning home can act as multipliers for the war and contribute to the overall trauma. Complex PTSD is a God send for many vets that experienced fundamental changes to their personality and dissociative traits to cope with ongoing trauma. In the past, these were often attributed to personality disorders that the VA insists are incurred in childhood and cannot be caused by trauma. So, no, I would not worry that they're going to turn around and undo everything based on that. It might be worth asking your providers if there will be any alterations to your treatment plan or goals, given the added criterion.
  6. I held off because I was scared the VA research into my claim would trigger re-opening the criminal investigation that destroyed my career and life. It might not seem rational, but neither was the handling of my original case. I wanted to be 100% sure that my family would not endure another round of harassment from NCIS and Navy brass. Opening that can of worms, (after years essentially in hiding, seeking treatment under pseudonyms with organizations known not to cooperate with authorities) I ended up on the verge of hospitalization repeatedly. The fact is, trusting the system "this time" is absolutely making me feel worse. BUT I did it. I filed a very methodical claim that included the original police report (traumatic event), my psych treatment records in service (evidence of service connection), pages from my military and civilian medical records referencing the trauma (along with a release and reference dates so they could request the entire records for quick review if desired), a recent Nexus letter from the Vet Center (with current diagnosis, impairments, and statement linking them to service). For good measure, I included my rapist's latest sentencing transcript and highlighted where he was required to "admit to facts" for his plea bargain. It included that he'd committed several rapes of women and children, including while on active duty, though he was never prosecuted for mine. In my statement, I explained why I waited, what my fears were, why I included the sentencing report, and what my life is like today. I submitted in March 2018, did my C&P exams 3 weeks later, then waited. In spite of the 17 year delay between exiting the service and filing, I was granted 70% for PTSD in 6 months (in mid September 2018). But, that wasn't all. The rater kept my claim open, requesting further DBQs for anxiety, depression, and OCD secondary to the PTSD, and sent me a request to file for unemployability. I have submitted the forms they requested, along with statements from my two most recent employers and my last 3 W2 forms (demonstrating I barely made $6k in the last 3 years combined). I expected an answer to this in six months to a year, per my DAV rep's past experiences. I just checked and the unemployability and additional ratings have been decided. I do not know the outcome, I will have to visit my rep for him to check the system. Even if denied, I know that this process was decidedly less painful than I expected it would be. I honestly questioned if I could survive being denied or getting under-rated like so many MST survivors are. As a precaution, I'm in counseling, twice a week and am being urged to consider inpatient treatment or attending some kind of retreat program. Is it worth it? It will depend what your goals are. I can't hold a job, keep getting banned by civilian shrinks, and have been threatened with losing Tricare coverage because of incidents at military treatment facilities. I don't think the VA can fix me, but I kind of feel like they're finally taking responsibility for breaking me. That is worth it for me.
  7. That's been my experience. When I realized that my PTSD symptoms were keeping me from getting care, I got creative.
  8. Thanks. I'm hearing that self reporting the depth of my issues probably won't be weighed. The C&P is already done. I am entirely too high strung to have dressed up or down for it. I have exactly three styles. Jeans and t-shirt, pajamas, and funeral. Usually, the first two are a combines. My therapist has said that my issues are outside her purview and that I need to get into a program. She and I are working on keeping me above water. So, it's mentioned in her notes and nexus, but it's not elaborated on, like I did in my original post. That is why I was asking. My husband has offered to submit a statement, but we weren't sure what to include detail on, glance over, or omit. I guess, this one he can cover.
  9. Thank you both for your replies. I have repeated diagnosis and years of treatment records for the PTSD, as well as police report and in service diagnosis for PTSD. They totally cannot deny I have PTSD or that it's SC, my biggest concern is them underrating me. I'm asking what constitutes this, because I revealed all this to my shrink and the C&P doc for consideration on my claim, towards impairment. Will they consider this, or only their observation on that day? As far as "notes" from doctors, that's laughable. I've seen my medical records over the years, and the doctor always writes that my appearance is put together and appropriate. I've had a hysterical panic attack and got forcefully removed from a clinic, while wearing a tutu and combat boots after several days of not bathing or sleeping, but the fudge head still wrote that my appearance was appropriate. So, either the doctors are lying or the bar for hygiene and presentation is realllllly low.
  10. We've all read the rating schedule a thousand times. It's surprisingly unhelpful, while being so plain. I'm waiting for a rating for (complex)PTSD due to MST. Also have ocd, anxiety, and depression. I'm a hot mess most days, with a side of soup sandwich. Thanks to my overwhelming mistrust for the system, I'm having a hard time being patient and not fixating on this. "Will it be 70, will it be 100? If I fit both, they have to err towards the higher..." and on and on. My current hang up is the hygiene thing. Is that like getting smelly and gross? Or would weird stuff like bathing half dressed (yes, clothes on under the shower) and only once a week or so, using wipes to stay fresh, neglecting oral hygiene, would those fall into that criteria? Those are my normal weeks. Bad ones, I'm frozen in place and there are no attempts at hygiene. If the stars align, I get a normal... if not thorough shower, usually once a month. That requires a good few days to lead in, my husband to be unobtrusively near by, and occasionally, still some pharmaceutical aids. I'm mortified to even see this written here. It gets even worse. I'm not sure what qualifies as grossly innapropriate behavior, but lots of people have readily told me I'm guilty of that. Thanks
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