HM3Mac

I have no idea about how to change "the rules", but I know the need to write in explicit detail of the action/s, if non-combatant, when a traumatic experience occured, is quite cruel. It should be well enough if this is expressed to a professional that the event is validated as "described". I understand that they can't just have anyone saying things, but there should be a different approach for those truly hurting because of an event/s without having to enscribe it and send it off to the government to read. I wish you well on this endeavor and hope you keep us posted.

on a funnier note though, i found it interesting that i'm still pooping charcoal from the ER on Thursday/Friday. LOL! C'mon....gotta see the humor there, no? Too soon? I'm such an idiot. It floors me that they did all that and just let me AMA. See, is it just me or is the world crazy too? Einstein said it better, "A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?"

It's good to hear from all of you. I know I'm certifiable; I can tell by the few friends I've managed to keep, the looks on their faces when I just touch the surface of what I'm feeling. This really sux. It's like self-destruct on auto-pilot. Wow....it's soooo not about the VA However, I do wish they could have helped me. I don't know how more clear I could have been. It seems though once they know something is going on mentally, they just don't treat you the same. I just believe I deserve better than that. But then I go and do the crap I did the other night. It's a poor balancing act between will. I know the VA will never recognize what I'm going through. Right now, just to make sure I don't drink and completely self-destruct seems to be taking all I have. Fighting a VA claim is not at the top of any list. Sometimes I feel like I just can't breathe. I want to scream. But no one is listening. And then I question, if no one is listening, what else will they not notice. My nerves are sooooo shot! I don't want money from the VA. That's a lost cause and so is getting help from them. It's all political jargon. The only thing I want is to not feel terrified and so insecure and full of anxiety anymore. I want ME back and it seems irretrievable. THAT is where I am. Thank you for listening. I'm just scared. I feel cornered and like the walss are closing in on me and sometimes all I do is panic. I feel like an idiot too. Ya....fun.

I am just so tired. I did talk to a psych when my PCP sent me over there. She interviewed me and basically said, "ya....sounds like ptds". i don't care what it's called....it hurts all the same. i'm tired of feeling like such lost misfit. i don't fit anywhere and it seems there's really no one to talk to. help much more can i ask for help? i told the va. the paramedics took me thursday night and allowed me to AMA the next day. no one wants to hear and maybe i'm just not worht anyone's time. no one wants to hear about bad things......they're only there if you're smiling and a source of strength to them. i'm tired i'm so sad.

i almost did it....i thought a bottle of zanax and 6 beers would surely end it all. but it didn't and now i don't know what to do.

Mac/tinchord here.... I don't know if anyone noticed me coming or going, but here I am again. I tried to end it all this past Thursday.....did you know an entire bottle of zanax or a 6 pack of beer doesnt do it? So here I am still today.....

San Antonio... I'm not "savvy" about claims and such, but I can vouch that when I'm at Audie Murphy or the Frank Tejada clinic branch in San Antonio, I've never received anything less than outstanding care and direction. I've been extremely blessed with their service and assistance. Sure, just like anyone else or any facility, there are certain times I've noticed where it could be better, but overall, the doctors, and other members have always been supportive and often times, I have gotten better treatment in the VA than I've gotten in the private sector. If I could applaud them on the local front page, I would.