Single Status Update
I hate reading my case, and my files, it breaks me up, total despair from the hell.... it tears me apart...
and I know I sound like I am whining but everyone has a breaking point...
I was reading through a couple large boxes of my medical records and see the info on my docket number, and what they have written for the case, the judge, the BVA, etc..
I lived it, so when they write it loos so twisted and facts are often wrong, and look twisted to benefit them.... they also leave things out, gloss over, or make it look like am a bad guy...
there are a few instances where the judge did help me. I think, I really can't tell until all is done.
It rips my apart mentally makes me want to just fold up... It to much,,,, too, too much... it really hurts me to see an organization write whatever they want knowing that no one can change it, only they can. So, anything wrong, anything that should be change for the sake of decency, honesty, or benefits of the doubt is left as is never to be corrected. It is like they consider us all liars…. but what really hurts us al is the way they have went from treating vets in wars that came before us, they look at us like we are less honorable and lie more.. and so they will make sure we get screwed, just because they can......if I am getting screwed, it has to be everyone..... it just can't be me? Hell, I never reported every injury, yet the ones I did report and have medical documents are still discarded and treated like the doctors lied too...
again, maybe my words will not be needed, maybe I will be vindicated... but I can honestly say given what I have been through, I could not have done much better in my fight... there were times I should have been going to see some BSO filing documents, but there were time I tried and was turned away... because they didn't have time or they just sucked, or they were no longer there and I was handed off like garbage into the trash.. lots of time lawyers saw my case and either told me they didn't want a case that took more than 1 or 2 years max... or they just would not talk... could not find doctors for IMO's no matter how much I tried.. and I was trying all while being extremely sick, in a wheel chair or fighting for my life.. The doctors for the IMO's were arrogant expensive and refused to follow the directing I needed for format. They were charging $2,0o0 dollars up front and $600.00 an inch, where I have many feet of documents.
I read my BVA docket and remands and it breaks me heart. I lived through all of the hell, and the words do not convey it. Just pages of labs, doctors notes, progress reports... and like I said the BVA Judge, the VA, RO, VARO< well they do not read the documents, so what good did it do to sign the releases. I even sent some back as new, they didn't read them, so they qualify as new. At least that is my take on evidence. Evidence like I am on trial for being sick and injured.
MY father got out of the Navy at the end of Korea, never went to a doctor, 3o year later, he filed, they talked to one doctor and they gave him benefits, I spent my whole life trying to get help from doctors and they just screw me. That gives me the impression that older vets got more help and respect, newer vets the shaft. I could be wrong.
I read my case was finally put on a faster tract, Well, the last filings are 10 years old,, that is faster? (supposedly they put my case on the faster BVA tract, sped up because of my circumstances of have deadly diseases.) I don't know, seems like it's on the slow boat. The surgeons honestly led me to believe that patched me up and I only had a few shorts years left. But I made it 2x longer.. I don't know why. But I can only lay around too sick to enjoy life. But I try a little. Food and drink and exercise al make me sick,,, doesn't leave much.
Sir, you are not worthless as the VA tries to make you feel. Reading our case files is a nightmare sometimes. We have gone through so much and we believe we cannot wait another day. It is a hopeless feeling knowing that some judge sequestered in a federal building has complete control of our lives.
There is good news though. That is that you have worth and a reason to be. You have to find this in yourself and it is not easy. If you do not, even winning your case will not make you feel better. I have experienced this myself. Please find some little joy in life and know you have worth.