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About r88ster3

  • Rank
    E-2 Recruit
  • Birthday 10/23/1982

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  • Service Connected Disability
  1. Help Please! I'm In A Pickle...i Think

    I am 50% for ptsd and stopped getting treated at VA when I started working here- and only addressed combat stress issues- nothing about mst...
  2. I really appreciate any input. So here's my deal. While I'm very blessed and thankful Ihave a job, I work for one of hte VA medical centers. I am currently 60% service connected for PTSD (50%) and Tinnitus(10%). I have been 'home' form my last deployment and active duty since 2003 and have been coming ot the VA since 2005. I have NEVER EVER answered yes to the MST screening questions. EVER. I was threatened and way to scared for such a long time. after I became service connected I ended up getting a job at the VA and was even more afraid to answer yes for the fact that anyone I work with has access to my file and trust me people snoop on anyone and everyone. So I've never told anyone about my MST while in Afghanistan. So here I am 11 years later and I can't stand not getting help for MST and I don't have the money to be seen for outside therapy. (please hold the assumption that i'm 60% I should be able to afford it) I'm still paying debt that my own mother created while I was deployed with my money so I simply can't afford it). Anyways. I'm in a tough spot. I cannot get Mental Health at the clinic I work at...b/c I work here- I can't and don't have the leave to take off to be seen at another clinic and I know way too many people in the entire VA whether its this clinic or another I don't want people looking thorugh my stuff if they already haven'ts. I really want to file for MST in hopes that my PTSD would be increased so that maybe I owuld have a chance at have a tiny bit of money to be seen on the outside of the VA. Can anyone offer guidence on this?! I want to answer yes so bad to the screening questions everytime I see my primary care provider who IS at the clinic I work at but I just can't. I've tried to pick up on things the MST group does together just by hearing about it and trying it myself in secret but it's not helping- I've tried pushing things away and I feel like I'm going ot explode!! Without offering too many nasty details when I deployed I may have been the only virgin that I knew of- but that was brutally taken from me. I was waiting for marriage ( I know very old fashion, right?!)- I had a boyfriend at the time waiting for me at home- 10 years later we got married- he's still by my side but trust me there's a reaason it took 10 years for us to get married- we have both dealt with this in our own ways. it's bene a xxxxxxx nightmare. It sounds really dumb but I want that virginity back- that was my first experience so it took a lot away from my husband and I's relationship. grrrrrrr. I guess my main concern.... is the VA going to be harsh on me in deciding my claim since I waited so long and never answered yes to the screening questions at the VA? to this day I've never answered yes. thanks!!