Search the Community
Showing results for tags 'bpd'.
Found 2 results
This is EXTREMELY humiliating but I don't know where else to go for anonymous help. Please be gentle, I'm not proud of my past. I had posted in the PTSD forum, but I can be more specific here since my issues stem from MST. I have some issues from my childhood, I do have a psych history including suicide attempt at age 9 (which I didn't even remember until after I was at my first duty station), verbally and possibly physically abusive step fathers (5 total), my mother walked out several times when I was a child and told my dad she didn't want me and wouldn't call me for months, my step-brother sexually abused me when we were around 7 years old, I was in a rehab center for teens for cutting myself when I was 12...I lost my virginity to alcohol induced rape at 17 and joined the marines about a year and a half later to make something of myself. I was involved in a party after boot camp when I was in my MOS school and a group of army guys passed myself and my drunk friend around at a party and had their way with us. I started having a lot of problems after that and became a heavy alcohol user and extremely promiscuous the next 4 years of my enlistment. Most of my encounters happened when I was too drunk to remember or even walk for that matter. I had been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder about 4 months into my first duty station and I never reported to my psych doctors that I was drinking like I was...most of the time I denied I drank at all. I told them about what happened as a child but would never bring up things that were happening in service out of humiliation, guilt, pain, fear that it would get back to my command and I would be reprimanded or mocked or looked down on more than I already was. I was the 'barracks whore'. I was hospitalized several times in service and often had counseling from my command, got very overweight, caught chlamydia once and begged for hysterectomy and tubal procedures which were all denied. I had a restraining order from my gysgt for homicidal thoughts towards him and got married to a man i knew for a month to get off base. After I got a medical separation for my back I ended up homeless in Denver, on acid (which I won't tell my councilors now in fear that it will hinder me getting compensation for the PTSD from MST), divorced and remarried, hospitalized a few more times, and now I am involved with CPS because we just had our first child and I am scared to be alone with him because I get so angry. I am petrified of being around men, my sex life with my husband doesn't exist, my emotional problems cause a huge disconnect in our marriage that we are fighting to keep... My C&P exam states that I have BPD not PTSD and that what I said at the exam (which wasn't much at all) was inconsistent with what was reported over the years. I feel like the 'doctor' conducting the exam did the 'Develop to Deny' trick, he was contradictory in his report, made some false statements, and denied me. I told him about the first incident in MOS school, but apparently that wasn't enough for him to think that I was affected at all. I have around 10 buddy statements ranging from family and friends that knew me prior to service to buddies that I actually served with that were BRUTALLY honest in their reports. My therapist says I definitely have PTSD, but she can't differentiate what is from childhood and what is from MST. I don't know what to do, I'm afraid anything I say will be misconstrued and that I'm ever going to get my PTSD rating. Also, for the test portion my report says, "MMPI2RF-Invalid profile (F z=1.53, Fp z=2.15, Dsrf z=1.94); clinical scales cannot be interpreted." --what the heck do those codes mean?
Today both my PTSD due to MST and my Major Depression claims were denied. I had my C&P on 12/17/2015. I picked up my exam notes from the records department of my local CBOC where the exam had been held, and just a few minutes later my MST coordinator called to tell me of my denial. I checked e-Benefits and it has already been finalized with notification letter sent. The C&P examiner did several things I find fishy and that I was uncomfortable with during the exam, and then apparently diagnosed me as Borderline Personality Disorder and reported that I don't have PTSD. I had been diagnosed with PTSD by different (civilian)doctors in both 2006 and in 2014. I am very upset by this because in her report, she states that I meet all the criteria, but that she won't count the D and E criteria because she thinks it fits better with a BPD diagnosis. I have no idea how or why she made this determination. She said my symptoms were "long-standing." Well, yes, they were, because the stressor that caused my PTSD occured 17 years ago. This is what her notes said when she denied that I have PTSD. “The Veteran is reporting an alleged sexual assault during her time in the Army that would meet Criterion A and reporting symptoms consistent with criteria B, C, F, G, and H. However, her reported mood symptoms, anxiety, impulsivity, substance use, irritability and angry outbursts, risky behaviors, risky sexual behaviors, and social and occupational are better accounted for by her BPD diagnosis.” “The symptoms she is reporting that would meet PTSD criteria D & E are better accounted for by her BPD diagnosis, appear to be long-standing and more of a characterological nature.” I don't feel comfortable at this time sharing more of her C&P notes. It is still too fresh for me. I am trying to figure out what my next step will be...filing for an appeal or a reconsideration. Any advice or insight would be greatly appreciated.