Guess Sat. Morn Is Treating Me Bad

[gdsnide]

Some days are better than others lol

[Pete53]

Most Saturdays are good

[betrayed]

Sat bad, me and wife going seperate ways.........................

Edited May 13, 2007 by BETRAYED (see edit history)

[Pete53]

Sorry to hear that Betrayed. That is really tough.

[betrayed]

Sorry to hear that Betrayed. That is really tough.

well if she hadnt been around I would of ate a bullet a long time ago. Thank god there is a gun lock on my pistol now and she has the key. It never had a lock before, last time I went to rubber room it got a lock put on it,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,but there are always other ways

[kris]

Betrayed;

I know a little about you from this forum. I am sorry for the problems you are having.

About a week ago my better half sat me down and had a talked with me about how much the VA has affected our lives in the last 2 1/2 years. What was said to me is that I have changed for the worse. I am more depressed then I have ever been. When I went to the VA I was on 2 different pills, I'm now on 12 different meds. My weight has dropped to wear I am skin and bones. I get sick on the medication everyday. I am a hyper person anyway and have had trouble sleeping since the military and my pills make me even more hyper.

Just the medication alone has changed me.

My doctor told me to go file for SSD, did not write it in my charts. You'll like this. My Doc says she never says this to vets, but she wanted me to go up on my service connection for PTSD. But she wrote " I told vet to apply for increase for PSTD, she needs the money". Now that should really help my case, NOT. Even though I have been through 2 rounds of PSTD classes and have been seeing a Social Worker and Pysch's every week for actually over 2 1/2 yrs for PTSD. The 15 min CP exam Doc put me down for SC for Panic Attacks and major depression. My Doc's at the VA added another pill when they read the report. My VA docs, I do believe mean well and I like my doctors but they are too busy to hear me and what the medications do to me.

So I started to wean myself off their medications. I am starting to feel the differences already. I am already starting to come down from being so hyper.

My relationship suffered because all I have been able to do is talk about the VA. All my attention went to them, I hear them, I taste them, I smell them constantly and I was never ever like this before. My doctors, God Bless them, I do not think they read my charts from the last time I saw them. My pills and program changes every month.

This is been my problem with the VA and myself and this alone was starting to kill me.

Another thing while I am venting is in the 2 1/2 years I have been going to the VA I have never been past a NP for my 3 failed back surgs. I have been to the pain clinic every 3 months but now its every 5 months and my NP had to take over my medication because the wait is to long for the pain clinic for refills.

Bottom line can the VA screw you up? You bet they can. Another reason I am taking myself off most my meds is they are watching my Kidneys now because of all the medication they have me on. Whats up with that?

I have no choice but to step back from the VA.

I have lost, lost and lost somemore since I have been in this system

and the only way I know how to fix me is to take control over my own body and the meds that help me which have been the same two medications I started out with before I even went to the VA.

Thank you for listening

God Bless you Betrayed

[Pete53]

Kris:

Sorry for you also. Sometimes what we need to do is to step back and head in a different direction. I wish you well.

There is really not a lot of magic in medicine unless you are seeing a witch doctor.

[tssnave]

Betrayed,

I ache for you, I fear for you.

Like you, my spouse has literally been the only thing that has stood between me and checking out when the darkness has been so vast that I can't see my way out of it any other way.

It takes a great deal of character and committment to stand by someone who's mental illness is so complete sometimes that it overtakes everything there is good and rational there is about a person. I pray for her strength of character to remain true to her marriage vows. For better or worse, in sickness and in health.

The bad thing about a mental illness is it seems more "ok" for a person to leave us crazies than it would be if we had cancer. There's still the cultural impression that we should just "pull ourselves up from our bootstraps," when anyone who's ever struggled with mental illness will tell you is just not possible otherwise we would but the blame the patient mentality is still out there.

The whole VA thing adds so much stress on top of any illness that it strains the best marriages. Like Kris, my spouse and I have had several conversations on whether or not to pursue 70% and IU with the VA because of the stress it puts in our life which in turn makes me more crazy than usual and I don't have a lot of room between my usual crazy and the edge of a cliff. I know 70% is where my symptoms fall out but the whole process of having to prove it has flat worn us both out with doctor visits, the cost, and the emotional toll is tremendous.

I don't really know what else to say. I pray your wife will stay and you guys can work it out.

Hang in there. I hope you guys can work it out.

ts

[gdsnide]

Betrayed,

I ache for you, I fear for you.

Like you, my spouse has literally been the only thing that has stood between me and checking out when the darkness has been so vast that I can't see my way out of it any other way.

It takes a great deal of character and committment to stand by someone who's mental illness is so complete sometimes that it overtakes everything there is good and rational there is about a person. I pray for her strength of character to remain true to her marriage vows. For better or worse, in sickness and in health.

The bad thing about a mental illness is it seems more "ok" for a person to leave us crazies than it would be if we had cancer. There's still the cultural impression that we should just "pull ourselves up from our bootstraps," when anyone who's ever struggled with mental illness will tell you is just not possible otherwise we would but the blame the patient mentality is still out there.

The whole VA thing adds so much stress on top of any illness that it strains the best marriages. Like Kris, my spouse and I have had several conversations on whether or not to pursue 70% and IU with the VA because of the stress it puts in our life which in turn makes me more crazy than usual and I don't have a lot of room between my usual crazy and the edge of a cliff. I know 70% is where my symptoms fall out but the whole process of having to prove it has flat worn us both out with doctor visits, the cost, and the emotional toll is tremendous.

I don't really know what else to say. I pray your wife will stay and you guys can work it out.

Hang in there. I hope you guys can work it out.

ts

I know how everyone is feeling here or think I do....The VA has me on 29 Pills a day & I think that is about 29 to many. But, what is one to do. I get them from a Shrink & Neurologists.....The Neuros always want to change the meds but I have found a combo I can live with or the lesser of two evils.My memory totally sucks. I can't remember from one day to the next. Part of this may be attributed to the Epilepsy I picked up in Japan when 2 SP got pissed at me in a bar & put the job on me big time. My Wife is very supportive but I know I frustrate her by repeating myself all the time. If she asks me to do something I have to do it immediatly or I'll forget.

If one does not take said pills & they do a blood test (Which they are famous for but which I avoid all I can) & if any meds are low they give U more.

My Daughter orders & fills my lil' pill box & my Wife makes sure I take them as I always forget the damn things.

When I went in the Navy I was happy go lucky & when I got out I had Epilepsy & it just kept going down hill from there.

My Shrink says I have " PTSD Chronic & Severe & I put in for it & was denied & just figured I didn't want to go thru the paper maze to try & get what I wanted.

Thanks to "Clark Evans...Lawyer" I was awarded 100 T & P for my Epilepsy which is a big help in the money dept. but I have to live with this every day.

I feel like I'm about 14 as I am not allowed to drive because of the damn seizures. Asking & waiting for rides sucks & I live in an area that has no Bus service but I'd probably get lost anyway as my memory is so bad.

My Shrink always asks if I think of Suicide & I am not going to say "Yes" as I would be locked down & that would be dumb.

But, my Wife has stuck by me since 1965 & if not for her I'm sure I would have checked out of this life long ago as I am not real happy with the situation I find myself in.

Every time I leave home I have to have someone with me to make sure I can get back. I have to get a ride to VA Appts & then I have to have person who gave me a ride sit in with me & the Doc as like I tell the Docs "This person is my memory"

Reason I wrote this is because I wanted U to know I have an idea of what U are going thru & the way the VA treats it's Veterans is deplorable.

I know there are a lot of Vets worse off than me but just figured I'd share part of my story.

Also, with the VA, Don't quit or U lose.

Sincerly,

GARY

[sixthscents]

Most of the time when I go to see my psych, I expect him to break out some chicken bones and lamb entrails....

They practice voodoo, or hoodoo, or whatever, but it sure isnt a medical science (or so it seems to me). My psych push meds now, and most Sociologists push counciling .... and they all push you out the office as fast as they can....

My wife says I do better when I take the meds, so for her sake I do, but honestly I have never noticed any difference, but hey I'm the one thats sick right?

Anyway... just my opinion...

[emmak]

BETRAYED,

LAST WEEK MY HUSBAND HAD A HEARING FOR AN INCREASE FOR PTSD.WE ARE NEW TO THIS BECAUSE MY HUSBAND IS 66 BUT I LIVED IN FEAR FOR 35 YEARS BECAUSE I DID NOT KNOW WHAT HE WOULD DO IF I MENTIONED VIETNAM.LAST YEAR HE WAS REFUSED PRESCRIPTION DRUG BENEFITS BECAUSE OUR INCOME WAS TO HIGH.HE COULD GET THE 7.00 CO PAY IF WE DIVORCED. THAT WAS THE TURNING POINT FOR ME AND I FIRED OFF AN EMAIL TO OUR STATE REP TAMMY BALDWIN. I WAS TOLD TO TAKE HIM TO THE LOCAL VA REP AND I GOT UP ENOUGH COURAGE TO ASK HIM IF HE WOULD GO.TO MY SURPRISE HE SAID YES.HE WAS AWARDED 50% WE APPEALED. HE WAS AWARDED 70% PTSD AND TDIU TO AWARD HIM 100% LAST WEEK AT THE HEARING. I PUT MY HEART AND SOUL IN HIS APPEAL.HE IS A DECORATED VV AND THE PTSD TAKES HIM DOWN AND ALMOST BREAKS HIM. I DON'T BELIEVE ANY LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP WILL GO BY THE WAYSIDE. WE WIVES HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING THAT IS STRONG AND AS I SAID AT THE HEARING,REGARDLESS OF THE PTSD I LOVE HIM AND MOST OF ALL RESPECT HIM. HE IS A GOOD MAN. HANG IN THERE YOU GUYS AND GALS WITH THE HADIT GROUP YOU HAVE SUPPORT AND UNDERSTANDING WITH A TON OF RESPECT FOR WHAT YOU WENT THROUGH.

[Pete53]

God Bless the Spouses who stand by thier Veterans. I am surprised and marveled that so many do.

[jecsb4]

Kris:

Sorry for you also. Sometimes what we need to do is to step back and head in a different direction. I wish you well.

There is really not a lot of magic in medicine unless you are seeing a witch doctor.

Kris,

You are so right, Iam new to the VA system and now they want me to take 8 different MED. My civilian Dr only gave me 2. We must take control of our own bodies and remember that the VA is trying to MED us to sleep ..