I Don't Know How To Broach This Subject, But I've Got

[LarryJ]

"Group Gropes" = Chronic Pain Group Therapy Meeting

I attend a weekly Group Grope at the Dallas VAMC. A Group Therapy session. You know, where you can hopefully get some help to come to grips with constant pain...that sort of thing.

Well, sometimes we really "let it all hang out"....really get to discussing what brings about pain and it's effect on us as individuals.....sometimes some pretty private thoughts and emotions come to the surface.

At least that's the way it used to be.

But, about 2 months ago, we had a new group member join our "club".

Problem is, is that she is, well...homosexual. NOW hang on a second.....it's NOT that she is homosexual. It's that she brings her "significan other" to the meetings with her.

I mean, she's the "patient" just like I'm the "patient". It is, after all, a "mental health" thing, this group therapy thing.

And, if I wanted to tell someone other than a fellow "sufferer"....then I'd just go down to the Canteen and tell whoever was sitting next to me.

It's kinda like I really DON'T want everybody knowing my "private" thoughts and it is hard enough for me to "share" my feelings........well, I guess I'm not making much sense, am I?

Anyway, I feel that I need to attend these sessions, even though I haven't spoken a word in two months. You know, the VA set me up to go to these sessions....and if I don't go, then I get a letter from the PhD leading the group, saying I'm a "No Show" and it makes me feel like they are "Keeping Score" and if I don't go, then I'm being considered "Non-Compliant" with my treatment...and how is that going to hurt me "down the road" with my % ratings and my claim(s)?

Anyway, I've got another session looking me in the face this week....it's 50 miles one way...we just have one car....the price of gas...the fact that it's an all-day affair for me.

CRAP!

Oh, and I can't take my pain meds (I gotta drive) on the day before these sessions......just so I can get there without getting in trouble with the law, or hurting someone in a car wreck.

Sorta a "Catch-22" anyway I look at it.

Isn't there some kind of "privacy" thing....so that if I go to these meetings at least I could feel like I could participate?

Sorry, long and windy post, I'm just feeling kinda "stressed" and hopeless with this whole deal!

It would be a whole lot easier for me to just STAY HOME and indoors and away from all the people instead of putting up with the stuff. It took months of meetings for me to feel at ease.

[Guest Vietnam Tanker]

Discuss this with your MH Provider just as you did here, tell him of the need for your privacy in the group and that you feel uncomfortable with an outsider in the group. The outsider could wait in the canteen for her soulmate.

[rentalguy1]

I can see that being a problem. It should not be allowed. This is one reason I would never let them talk me into a group session. I have a very hard time opening up to the docs, let alone other vets, let alone another vet's significant other.

[Pete53]

I think that you are within your rights to ask that no one but the patients be included in the group.

On the other hand it may be helpful for you to confront your fears of other people knowing about your pain.

I was in a group once that included a man who claimed he had murdered 4 people at different times and I did not feel comfortable with him dominating the group so I quit.

[Ron II]

This case reminds of a time when I accompanied a loved one to an AA meeting. Deep down I knew it was wrong for me to go, but she insisted. Anyway, I knew from the minute I entered the door of the private residence that I had made a mistake.

At least I had the sense to watch TV in another room and not bother the people for whom the meeting was intended.

Ron

[Jayg]

I agree that you're completely correct in that only other patients should be there.

But this is a VA thing and I would thin that, somewhere, there's an established protocal or sop for attendees. Find out what that says first, then you can speak to whomever is in charge, or lacking that, the person who referred you to the group.

AA is different being entirely self governed. There are the steps and traditions, but on things like spouses or kids smething called 'group conscious' applies. Basically they take a vote on such things and decide how their group feels about it and go from there.

I don't know but what something like that might not work there.

[Tbird]

i think you are completely right on this, a group where they want you to open up like it's group therapy should be closed. it's hard enough to open up to others in the same boat, the woman may need the support of her partner, and i can understand that, but it seems she should wait in the waiting room. i would talk to whoever is running the group privately and express your concerns.