Mrphey's Law Almost Had Me Contenplating Suicide.

[Rockhound]

Today started out like any other day, when I was going into town to pay some bills and do some shopping.

First, I couldn't find my check book, so I could pay one of my bills, they won't take my ATM/VISA card like most everyone else. So I had to change my schedule a bit and go to the bank first. No problem their. But it made me miss a bus to a lunch date with the only close friend I have, manage to make it, but barely. I then went to this place with cash in hand to pay my bill and their was this big sign over the door saying they no longer would be receiving bill payments their and this was their main office too. You either mailed in your payment, mine was late, that is why I went in to pay it. or you went to some obscure store called shop and pay, or you could go on line to pay it, which I didn't know before then.

Second, which happened earlier that week, my battery charger for my camcorder went dead on me, I somehow also lost my USB data cable my digital camera uses to download pictures from the camera to my computor, also.

Thirdly, Somehow I got to thinking it was time to go home and I caught my usual bus that takes me to the location where then the handicap van picks me up to take me home, the only problem was that I totally forgot that I was going shopping first and it was at the stoer wear the handicap van was going to pick me up.

Last but not least. the city bus route that took me to the store was on detour due to construction and I ended up having to ride the bus almost completely back to were I started from just so I could be let off close to the store, otherwise I would have had to ride my electric chair about four blocks to get to the store and these are country blocks and not your regular city blocks. being towards the end of my day, I couldn't afford to waste my battery charge going that far, I may have ended up pushing my chair onto the handicap van that took me home.

Oh Yea! I forgot, my HP Officejet printer ran out of both color and black in and I almost passed out when I found out how much the price had gone up since I bought these two cartridges last time. It was if their price corresponded with the gas price hikes, but the price didn't go down like the gas prices here have.

Suicide seem like a very good option, I'm just not that emotionally stable enough to handle so many problems like this at one time nor the financial hit it made of my bank account.

Boy was I glad to get home so I could double up on some of my meds. I know from experience, my mind and body are going to feel the effects of this day all through the next two or three days to follow.

Boy oh boy, is my psych Dr going to get an ear full on my next visit.

Rockhound Rider ;) :) :P :( :P B)

Edited November 8, 2008 by Rockhound

[MRRRR5]

Rock:

Call whoever you were late on bill and tell them what a hassle you went through and can they accommodate you or give a little more time to allw a check that you will mail right away. Most businesses will do that especially if a change in their policy causes a problem.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a part time problem.

Please talk to someone when you feel this bad or call 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Rockhound,

good advice from all here, especially as Pete53 mentioned that this is a permanent solution to a part time problem. Hang in there my friend, and like Rental said, try and make a list to carry with you.

[LarryJ]

Yup!

I get all messed up when I forget stuff. I'm not so bad off mentally that I can't remember when I could remember, know what I mean. I mean, I remember when I could remember, and that's the shazits. I go to the store, I get home, I forget why I went to the store, then I forget what I did when I went to the store, then I forget what I did with the stuff that I bought, when I bought the stuff instead of buying the stuff that I was going to the store to buy. Then I find the stuff in the trunk of the car, the next time I go to the store to put the stuff that I wasn't going to the store to buy, in the trunk.

But, one thing that is good about this. I find neat stuff that I bought last week and forgot I bought........so's it's kinda like I just bought myself a present, a weekly kind of birthday surprise party that I wind up throwing myself, each time I forget and open the car trunk. Heck, sometimes I even find that I don't have to go to the store, because I already have what I need, in the trunk of the car...............of course, by that time, I'm already at the store, again, standing there, looking in the car trunk, again.

Don't mean nothin', Dude, don't mean nothin'!

[john999]

Rockhound

Sometimes when people are actually coming out of a depression is the worst time for suicidal thoughts. You have accomplished a lot recently. You got service connection after many years. You have a game plan to get a higher rating. You are moving towards a goal. Don't let this small shit get you down now. In another year I bet you get a 100% rating and your financial problems are over if you stay at it.

[Stretch]

LarryJ,

Wow.

You have expressed something that I have always tried to keep secret. It is like getting a present from the past or maybe buying one for the future. However, it is nice to know that I was thinking about me or someone else, once in a while, in the past or present which would be in the future.

[Rockhound]

Thanks everyone! I dutifully doubled up on my meds per my Dr's orders and managed through the rest of the day and night, even though the night wasn't all that great, couldn't sleep until 4:00 am and only for a little while, then my mind and body crashed again around noon today and slepted another couple of hours. But the mind is on a much more even keel, now if I only had the money I spent yesterday that I used to fix my problems, life would seem more like a bed of roses, but without the thorns to jab at me today.

I tried to contact my VSO, but I guess she is on one of her many times away from the office, even her voice mail is to full to take any new messages. Each time she takes off, I worry that she isn't coming back and I have to deal yet again with another person who I know nothing about or what their track record is in helping Veterans like me.

Things like this never used to bother me that much and now it hits me like an earth quake. When they tell you, you have an adjustment disorder, they tell you very little how it's going to affect you the rest of your life, not to mention the major/chronic depression and anxiety, with the many panic attack that spring up without hardly any notice.

At least I have this forum as an outlet for the stress of it all, without it and you all, I might as well admit myself to a nut house for safe keeping rather than trying to keep my access to the freedom I have now.

Well feeling another crash time. I knew this would happen after yesterday, so it's really no big deal, I just wish their was a better way to deal with the fatigue issue better.

catch you all later.

Rockhound Rider :)

[Josephine]

Rockhound,

Remember the motorcycle, the 81 Honda Goldwing with the sidecar.

This Betty Boop has complete faith in you.

We as a group can help you prove your claim and receive your

well deserved 100%.

Keep the Faith My Friend, I did it after 44 years and I know that

you can do it too!!

Always write and let any of us know you are in need of support.

Betty

Edited November 9, 2008 by Josephine