ptsd Ptsd Eval Part 2

[clw4514]

as if it isnt stressful enough having to relive every detail of the trauma, she tells me today that we didnt make it thru all the questions and need to come back for a 3rd part. thats ok, im a big girl.....i can deal with it. but nothing prepared me for the emotional strain it put on me detailing every second of the act 20 yrs ago. i was so overwhelmed when i left that i threw up. she asked me to bring in my discharge papers this time and so i did. i asked her after the appt how it was looking for me on my claim. she sd that even if the report of this is "missing" now, that everything documented in my other records clearly shows the pattern of a trauma taking place. i was an SP and in the course of a year, i was indef disqualified from carrying a weapon, gained about 30 lbs, ordered into an alcohol rehab program (i swear i do not remember that part but its clearly documented!!) which i did not successfully complete and was stripped of my badge and demoted to a dorm manager. all that and still got out with an honorable discharge. i went from having exemplary reviews to being the biggest pc of shit on paper u have ever seen. and as i am thinking over all this in the eval, she is telling me that the military is great for covering up stuff like this, especially when ur a cop reporting another cop. thank god i had a great E5 who demanded i report it to AFOSI. but, of course, it was concluded no rape since i was drinking. and it has been a downward spiral over the next 20 yrs. i am so disgustingly angry with the AF and that ass who raped me for taking away my career, life and dignity! i am so angry for everything that i have had to live with over all this time! i was made out to be the one at fault. i asked for it! i shouldnt have been drinking and since i reported it, i lost everything that was important to me. why couldnt i have been angry like this 20 yrs ago? maybe i would still have my career. i just want this to be over with and put behind me. but i also want the AF to pay for what has happened!

[clw4514]

and to add insult to injury....my boyfriend and i were looking over my 214 together tonite and he notices that my reentry code, separation code and narrative are all jacked up. i have a reentry of 2h which is basically alchohol abuse program or failure to complete treatment; separation code of jft which is unfit for duty; and narrative of exceeding AF weight standards. i was never ordered to treatment nor voluntarily sought treatment bcuz i didnt have a problem! i was drunk when the incident occured. according to my records, i went from being a top amn even considered for below the zone promotion to being stripped of everything inside of a year.

after the va makes a decision on my claim, i think i will take things to the bcmr to get it corrected. anyone have any dealing with that?

[Pete53]

I know that this is very difficult for you but I really think it will help your claim and aid in your recovery. I am glad that you have a supportive boy friend.

Hanh in there you are on the down hill slide.

[clw4514]

I know that this is very difficult for you but I really think it will help your claim and aid in your recovery. I am glad that you have a supportive boy friend.

Hanh in there you are on the down hill slide.

thx pete - im trying but it damn near wiped me out today. i couldnt even drive home i was so upset. do u know of anyone who has gone to the bcmr to get things corrected? im hoping that they could reverse it all and medically retire me. long shot but im gonna fight like hell for it.

[sharon]

Take it one day at a time, one claim at a time. Otherwise, it can become overwhelming. Hang in there and know that you have others here that have gone through like situations.

[Philip Rogers]

We have a great lady (wings) here who will probably chime in within the next few hrs or days. She's been thru the BCMR, for an upgrade/correction, was former AF, MST survivor, now 100% pay rate at the VA and may offer some help. Watch for her posts.

pr

thx pete - im trying but it damn near wiped me out today. i couldnt even drive home i was so upset. do u know of anyone who has gone to the bcmr to get things corrected? im hoping that they could reverse it all and medically retire me. long shot but im gonna fight like hell for it.

[clw4514]

We have a great lady (wings) here who will probably chime in within the next few hrs or days. She's been thru the BCMR, for an upgrade/correction, was former AF, MST survivor, now 100% pay rate at the VA and may offer some help. Watch for her posts.

pr

thank you, phillip. i am so angry now that i have translated the codes on my 214. they just kept shoving that knife in a little more...it hurts to know that they took away a career that i had wanted since i was a young child. its the only thing i ever wanted to do. now is my chance to make them own up to it and correct it.