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Nightmares Again

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Cavtrooper088

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Well, it has been another night filled with nightmares and sad memories. Saw where my good friend SGMdae was on watch earlier. He's a good man. Two tours in RVN-both in the bush. He was actually surrounded one night by a NVA patrol and lived to talk about it. There is actually a Stars and Stripes article about it.

Tonight's nightmares was not as bad as a few nights ago. It helps to be able to sit down and tell (type LOL) about it. Thank you Hadit for being there. Normally I spend hours staring out the windows going from window to window looking at the treelines. Tonight has been easier. Besides--faithful K-9 Private Bubbles (MOS Yorkie) decided to provide additional security for me on my patrol tonight. At least she did until she fell asleep under my feet and started snoring.

God Bless all. Especially our troops.

Cavtrooper088

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Cavtroop

Your picture of how you felt when you got home brings back memories of the day I arrived at Travis AFB and then took a taxi to the airport. It seemed unreal to me. I told some guy that I was just back from Vietnam. He looked at me and said in a bored voice "Far out!". Nobody spit at me or accused me of being a baby killer. I just walked into a void. I ended up in the nuthouse three weeks later while on leave. I was coming unglued. I got out of the nuthouse, and the bastard of a doctor called the military and told them I was AWOL. After I went back to duty MP's showed up at my mother's house wanting me. She put a flea in their ear. I went downhill from there. Nobody wanted to hear one word about Vietnam. I went to college eventually and my service in Nam was just a topic I did not raise. I was not afraid to talk about it but no one was interested.

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Back from Vietnam, I visited my favorite Aunt, and she said that she would send her son to Canada, instead of Vietnam. I was so angry,but out of love and respect, I just left and didn't return to her for a visit

Darryle

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Cavtroop

Your picture of how you felt when you got home brings back memories of the day I arrived at Travis AFB and then took a taxi to the airport. It seemed unreal to me. I told some guy that I was just back from Vietnam. He looked at me and said in a bored voice "Far out!". Nobody spit at me or accused me of being a baby killer. I just walked into a void. I ended up in the nuthouse three weeks later while on leave. I was coming unglued. I got out of the nuthouse, and the bastard of a doctor called the military and told them I was AWOL. After I went back to duty MP's showed up at my mother's house wanting me. She put a flea in their ear. I went downhill from there. Nobody wanted to hear one word about Vietnam. I went to college eventually and my service in Nam was just a topic I did not raise. I was not afraid to talk about it but no one was interested.

John999,

I have not thought about the trip from Travis for a long time. It seems like I rode a bus to SF International. I do remember looking at the hills as I rode from Travis to SF and thinking how beautiful the green hills were. No treelines either ;) Once I got to the airport I was wearing the old Kakhi uniform and a couple of MP's REMFs made me remove my uniform (it was Feb) and buy civilians clothing because I was out of uniform. I got so mad and became so confrontational that I thought one of the MPs was going to pull his night stick. Welcome home soldier! In the years to come as I got more rank I was always looking for those two stateside REMF MP's LOL

It sounds like your homecoming was much worse. We were a pretty bad state side army in those days. I also remember the void you talk about. It was as if we lost a year of our life, and no one even knew we were gone. Here's to better times and fallen comrades. God Bless Cav

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John999,

Our political leaders did so many things wrong in that war. One day you're fighting, then as you get short you leave your buddies and your unit behind and a few days later you're on a Freedom bird flying home to a country that didn't support us. I was always proud of our troops in the field. We fought hard real hard, we won our battles and most of the time we fought with one hand behind tied our back.

I still remember walking the streets of my small home town just a few days after I had lost Franks. I was in a daze--I was home, but my platoon was fighting. Hometown folks didn't even act like there was a war going on. It was almost a Twil light zone situation. Had a female classmate (a real bleeding liberal who did the popular antiwar stuff)walk up to me and ask me how many babies I had killed in Viet Nam.

I was so bitter, and I hated with all my heart. Funny, I hunted almost everyday when I was growing up on the farm in Arkansas. I never went hunting again after Viet Nam.

There is a great deal of survivor guilt that comes with giving orders that leads to the death of others. Especially friends that you have grown close to in combat. Towards the end I would try to not get close to anyone yet you could not help but grow close to folks. One moment everything is fine, and the next people are down, you're taking fire and most of the time you know even know where it is coming from. For me combat was like a series of snap shots. I didn't see everything clearly. I would see things in a series of quick pictures. One moment you see muzzle flashes coming from a tree line, and the next moment you're past the tree line and hopefully you've got rockets and minigun on the target. You hear the RTO's or the actuals talking on radio with gunfire in the background, and you try to get close in yet always fearing that you might get friendlies which I did (ARVN) once.

I'm one of the last guys left. Two committed suicide with two years of VN, a several others have died earlier on of MS or cancer which I believe was caused by AO.

I'm sorry I'm rambling. Thanks for listening. This helps. God Bless our troops. Cav

cavtrooper,

im from arkansas, too. so, i can honestly say that i think sometimes they r just set in their ways. im the only female in my family to ever serve. when i got out, it was at the start of the first gulf war and i had people treat me so awful when i went back to arkansas! i couldnt get a job (yeah, thats illegal but who's gonna stop them?) and i couldnt connect with anyone. i was isolated. im in no way comparing it to the treatment u guys got during nam but it did give me a tiny glimpse of how u were treated. i have since left arkansas for the anonymity of the big city (insert green acres theme!) and only go back if i absolutely have to. of course, unless its lake norfork then im all over it! that lake gives me such peace of mind....i sincerely hope the mentality of small town folk has now changed.

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cavtrooper,

im from arkansas, too. so, i can honestly say that i think sometimes they r just set in their ways. im the only female in my family to ever serve. when i got out, it was at the start of the first gulf war and i had people treat me so awful when i went back to arkansas! i couldnt get a job (yeah, thats illegal but who's gonna stop them?) and i couldnt connect with anyone. i was isolated. im in no way comparing it to the treatment u guys got during nam but it did give me a tiny glimpse of how u were treated. i have since left arkansas for the anonymity of the big city (insert green acres theme!) and only go back if i absolutely have to. of course, unless its lake norfork then im all over it! that lake gives me such peace of mind....i sincerely hope the mentality of small town folk has now changed.

CLW I remembering you saying you had grown up in or near Jonesboro. My wife and I are going to J-bur (remember how our folks say Jonesboro LOL) to catch a movie today. Lake Norfork is a well kept secret. I keeping hearing rumbling of a new lake being developed around Bono. That sure would be nice for us NEArk folks. Good luck with Memphis VA. Cav

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