ptsd Mst / Ptsd Covered Up - 2 Years Into Claims Process

[MSTANDFEDUP]

I will try to make this as straight to the point as possible without triggering.

I have been patient and have waited over two years up until now without making a fus.

I've HAD IT. My case should be very cut and dry as I have a pile a mile high of evidence

to support my claim, however the VA denied.

(Air Force) In 2004 I was sexually harassed by my supervisor. The Military Equal Opportunity office

got involved and opened a case against him. After a one month investigation, he was

CHARGED with 4 counts of sexual harassment and one count of discrimination. He was then

DEMOTED in rank.

I then seperated from the military. Honerable Discharge.

Within 6 months, I went into severe mental stress, psychosis of the mind, due to trauma.

I checked myself into a mental health hospital and was there for 2 weeks. I had stopped

sleeping, had anxiety, flashbacks, was replaying the events again and again, the list goes

on and on.

Over the past 5 years, since the 2004 events, I've been homeless twice, I've been

unable to acquire gainful employment, I've been in and out of mental health and have

since finally in 2008!!!! received access to the VA for MST/PTSD mental health care (4 years

too late). Here is the series of events, and I swear that once I am finished with my claim

I will spend the rest of my life helping women and men who suffer from MST with their VA

claims. I am so upset at this point, today I am triggering all over the place and I'm finally

speaking up.

From 2003-2004 in active duty I was repeatedly harassed, threatened, the list goes on

and I don't want to get into personal details here about the assault by my supervisor.

I discharged in 2004, honerable

In 2005 I contacted the MEO office that held the MEO investigation into the harassment

and requested my documents per the FOIA (Freedom of Information Act). I have a copy

of this letter sent to them. In 2007 I received a letter back, stating the documents had been

destroyed. This was two years too late. I requested in 2005!!!! The letter told me to contact

the Secretary of Department of Defense and that under a 2 year clause the documents were to

be destroyed. I have a copy of this letter and have sent it to my claim file with the VA in 2007.

I also have a copy of the orginal claim statement from MEO during the investigation, I sent this

to the VA in 2007. (made copies at the time of the investigation, which goes over the harassment in detail,

times/dates/places, MEO investigated numerous other people who also confirmed the harassment before he was

charged with the crimes and demoted). I sent a copy of the investigation paperwork into

the VA when I opened my claim for PTSD/MST in 2007.

I spent 2005 until today in and out of mental health hospitals, clinics, etc. all of this documentation

has been sent to the va.

THE VA DOCTORS AT THE LOCAL VA CLAIM I HAVE MST/PTSD and rate me at 48% GAF SCORE.

Their own DOCTORS state that I have PTSD from MST.

I opened my VA claim in 2007 and I'm now at 22 months in waiting. It was first denied, and I sent

a notice of disagreement. It is now supposedly being "expedited" due to having ended up homeless

again. While staying at the homeless shelter, I had a fax sent into the VA claims stating that I was

homeless and in this shelter (letterhead from the shelter). This is when they said it would be expedited.

This was the second time I ended up homeless.

Now a few months have gone by and the VA telephone representatives say they have no record

of an original EXPRESS MAILED DOCUMENT that I sent in 2007 which contained 1) the MEO investigation

paperwork I had copies of 2) a letter from the acting commander at the time in which he talks about

the incidents in the letter. They said they have no record of that from 2007. So I then RE-SENT in

EXPRESS mail and registered mail AGAIN, copies of the same documents.

I finally got up the nerve yesterday to call the base where the events happened. As soon as I called

I triggered and began crying. I called the MEO office and asked about the case documents, again

was told there is no record anymore that they were possibly destroyed in 2005. I expressed my

feelings to this office and I'm now officially going to put in a written complaint to the base commander

about how the entire case was handled back in 2004, how fast it was swept under the carpet, and

how I should have immediately been placed into counseling/mental health treatment immediately

after the incidents occured and immediately after the MEO investigation. The investigation into the

harassment was as bad as the harassment itself. It was first turned on me, then after the month

went by, I was given an apology from the Wing Commander about how this sort of thing would

"never happen under his chain of command again". There is a zero tolerance policy alright, it's a zero

tolerance policy for anyone who SPEAKS UP about harassment/rape.

The VA says the claim is being expedited. They said they are now waiting for records from the

National Personnel Archive and Federal Archieve. Well one more ounce of proof is if they pull the

perpetrators personnel record to see he was DEMOTED.

They can destroy records all day, but if I learned anything at all it was make copies of everything.

I have the basic MEO investigation copies from the investigation, the commanders letter from official

govt email address talking about the events, I guess I have to prove a stressor. What else could

I have to prove, HE WAS CHARGED WITH FOUR COUNTS OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT AND ONE COUNT

OF DISCRIMINATION. I suffered through the harassment for one years time, then had to suffer

through the investigation for a month and come home in complete shambles. The VA mental health

doctors claim I have PTSD from MST.

Hello? The VA cannot possibly be this bad with their claims process. I'm at 22 months. I'm fed up

and I'm ready to start speaking out and I can assure these people that the last thing they are going

to want to be out in the news is information regarding how bad my case truly was, and to what extent

it got to. There was a point in 2006 that I began prostituting myself to put food on the table. I gave

up my life, my self esteem was gone, I stopped caring about myself, my life, I almost killed myself

at one point, I was in psychosis of the mind, hiding out in a hotel room afraid to death of anyone in

uniform. I was afraid to even go to the VA for help or anyone else at that point because I was so

mentally stressed and afraid and replaying the events, that I thought someone in uniform would come

hurt me again.

HELLO VA, IF YOU'RE READING THIS, I'm at my limit and I'm close to posting up information for the world

to see about how you, the armed services, and the DOD handles PTSD cases for women and men raped

and abused in the service.

I LOST MY LIFE FOR 5 YEARS!!!

[MSTANDFEDUP]

Sorry yes I am in the appeal process, the case has gone a little over 2 years i believe

The case was transferred around the country in my bouncing around homeless and stuff

and now it is being looked at by a DRO in New York

[MSTANDFEDUP]

If it gets denied again I am going to keep fighting it all the way up for as long as I possibly can

I think there are other options after it gets a denial from DRO i wrote the process down so i remember

i think there are 3 other appeals processes i can make after that and im making them all

im not giving up on this anymore for a long time i didnt want to looka t the documents but now

i am going to keep focused and keep on it

[MSTANDFEDUP]

i know they can try to brush it off and say i have a personality disorder but since i didnt have one before i went in and had no mental health prior to and have all of the docs to prove the trauma

im not letting them brush it off and try to say the trauma didnt create this

there is enough proof thta it got worse and worse after events

and the severe ptsd is really really hard to live with

[MSTANDFEDUP]

also ive been reading about it, i was not sexually abused as a child so the VA is going to eat this when i'm done with my case...im already prepared for the things they are going to try to come back with ...

i hope it might help someone else and if the claim goes retro im using a portion of the money after some recovery towards PTSD/MST charities and hopefully an outreach if i get better enough after this mess.... If the case is won it should be 2 years retro and ive already decided the monies, hope to buy a home for my son for later in his life and trust fund after the occurances i want to ensure he is setup for later in life and also hope to either donate monies to ptsd/mst charties or vets w/ mental illness charities ...if i cannot fully recover myself and open an outreach that is my plan

im going to win this im not going to give up

[MSTANDFEDUP]

for the record i worked in special ops support so i have the mix of combat + sexual trauma i believe...

and honestly i think because of the severity it is what caused my severe PTSD...comorbid is the severe ptsd where u could get violent ...im learning now what i have to be aware of

and also how to work through this hopefully... to be honest after what ive been through

in the aftermath im lucky im not dead in a ditch somewhere

i am some what of a young pretty female still although i lost a lot of my self in the aftermath) so later in the mess, guys would see me acting strange out in public and i was like a big neon sign for any predator type of person to come at me.....i was living in a bad area and still inside i have that loving good peaceful part of me and then i'd go whacko and people would see me and it was like a big sign that said "come mess with me" i think because i got into all sorts of a mess in the aftermath.

when i was mentally ill the worst and dissociating... for any person who saw me out on the streets whacked out, i had to go into defense mode and honestly im lucky i didnt end up killing a man or something.... to protect myself and i have severe fear of dominant men and anyone who approaches me i flip out...

since i was trained in special ops and got the sexual trauma, i chalk that up to me ending up with the comorbid and if i am not careful the anger could cause me to go postal so being aware is key and knowing myself....inside i was always a very peaceful person prior to ..kinda hippie-ish in some ways so hopefully i can find that inner peace u know and just be self aware and watch myself with the PTSD...

ive been collecting quotes and things to put around my environment to keep me more balanced and try to stay positive stay focused and stay in the hear and now as best as possible

its not good being a young female with this kind of mental health problem at all, it makes u very open to all sorts of a mess because people realize u are "off" and then either wanna mess with u or something, i had to go into survival mode to protect myself in the aftermath

[MSTANDFEDUP]

it's not normal for a 30 year old female to be the way i am now

im lucky i have some self awareness left after the mess so im gonna

stay positive and maybe behavioral therapy will make a difference

and im reading about different ways it can be helped and such

i've had no therapies to this point and i dont honestly think that

the docs really knew what they were looking at but to me it's clear

as day now and i understand based on the reading im doing

so im gonna stay in the positive and keep reading and keep looking

at recovery options