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Homicidal/crime Ideaology...

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OEF n' Home Again

Question

Hello my friends and fellow Vets.

Sorry to bug you with another question,

I was recently diagnosed with Chronic PTSD by a military Dr. (I come off Active Duty in a couple wks)

As we met, he asked me questions about homicidal thoughts and intentions, etc. I did my best to dance around the issue and ultimately I avoided an honest answer. Please hear me and know why I did this and give me advice for what I should do.

It's true. I have a very hot temper and when I am engrossed in anger I just want to go out and commit a crazy crime. Or, if someone really crosses me, I imagine killing them in a variety of ways but I doubt I would ever act on that unless pushed. I am seeking help for the many problems associated with PTSD, but I am avoiding this part because I am afraid of several things:

1- I don't want them to "lock me up" in a VA hospital just because I am feeling this way.

2- I don't want to be kicked out of my reserve unit because I need the money and - I get cheap health insurance thru them (tricare reserve select) and I can't afford to lose that heath insurance for my wife and small kids.

My brothers and sisters, what should I do?

Should I just tell the Dr (Active Duty Doc) all of these things? or should I wait until I go to the VA to do it? I know it would have bad repercussions if I did. I am still on active duty orders for 2 more weeks, and then I am in the reserves.

I just don't know what to do. Are there other health insurance options that would cover the family? I'm afraid that if I got kicked out or such that I would disclose my medical history to a new ins company and they would deny my fam insurance because of my pre-existing conditions...

Or do I just keep a lid on how I feel at times and go on with life?

So confused,

OEF VET

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Thanks to all of you for your responses.

I am seeking help for PTSD. I already started the ball rolling. I was just unsure about how far into detail I want it to go. I think I might wait until I am being treated at the VA before I talk about these more serious issues of my PTSD. That way, the doc won't call my commander right then and get my duty changed around, etc.... then gossip spreads and I just dont want to deal with that.

I think it will be better to bring it up when at the VA. It is only a few weeks away.

Thanks again for all the posts. U all are really great.

OEF

Chronic PTSD????, that is the same diagnosis that got my husband 100% SC'ed Disability. You need to look into that if you really are affected by PTSD severely you may not want to risk loading to much onto yourself so you snap. Disability is a last resort of course! But again it is about being entirely honest with yourself, and your family about what you need and want as a family. You are extremely lucky that Chronic PTSD is listed in your Service Medical Records (SMR's), a lot of guys coming back couldn't get that diagnosis even if they tried everything! So that is working in your favor.

I understand and admire your strong need to ensure your family is taken care of medically, again this is something you need to discuss with your family..... Is it worth putting your mental health at risk just for a medical plan that costs less. There are plenty of programs and insurance plans out there similar to Tricare for low and moderate income families, and if you succeeded (and wanted) to apply for 100% disability then Champva is available for all of your immediate family.

Yeah, I just worried that you are not wanting to speak fully about what is going on for you simply because of what might happen to your medical insurance. If your PTSD experiences are anything like my husband's then the best thing you can do for your family "hands down" is for you to get the best care for your PTSD that you can, once the PTSD is being treated correctly, so many other things seem to fall into place.

So just be open about what may come, I would personally find a non-military, non-VA, free mental health clinic in your area and go to them for help alongside the VA healthcare. It always pays to cover your bases.

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  • Founder

first and foremost i must say that ptsd is very serious business, thoughts of suicide or homicide are not unusual but should not be ignored or pushed down, they are very real threats to yourself or others.

without being honest with your therapist you will not be able to learn ways to stop yourself before you get to the point of being out of control. folks here are right if you are going for va disability compensation, which it sounds like you have a very good case for, you should be getting some help now.

i understand the stigma fear and the fear of being locked up in a mental ward. i've been to the mental ward, it's not as bad as you may think and it was the safest place for me.

if you are struggling with your anger and sometimes feel like you might not be able to control it, then you already know you are in trouble. don't let the stigma keep you from getting help. ptsd is manageable but you need professional support.

that they have diagnosed you with chronic ptsd in your smr's will go a long way in helping with your claim chronic means long lasting, so it's not like you are going to tell them anything they haven't heard before.

be honest, you aren't planning on killing anyone, but you need ways to help you deal with your anger before it overcomes you.

now i know you have a family to support talk with your wife about it, and if you have a trusted minister or friend. ptsd can for some be a life long struggle, it's doesn't disappear, with therapy it becomes more manageable, trying to go it alone, well i've never seen it get better by trying to deal with it all alone.

i say this from the heart out of concern for your safety, i hope you take it as that.

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Tbird, Hawkfire, Carlie, Pete, Larry... (hope I didnt forget a name....),

My dear friends I want to thank you for your sincere advice. I know that you don't know me from a stranger, but you've been willing to shed some very needed advice. Advice that I NEEDED to hear.

It's true. I always have passive thoughts that aren't so Christian... those don't bother me as much as when I lose control..... it is then that I hope nobody gets on my bad side when I am in that awful, terrible state of mind... to include unexplained anger, rage, and feeling that the only way to feel better is to do something so extreme. This is what scares me. My wife cautioned me last time that I stormed out the door, "honey, just be careful. I don't want you to hurt someone or yourself"

It was later that day that I realized that it isn't normal or healthy that she should have to say that to me. It just isn't right. I was never like this before I volunteered twice to OEF. It was like a hidden snake bite and I am now feeling the venom.

I don't want to sound weird, but I feel a bond to all those that have commented here, and I thank you sincerely.

I plan to fully disclose how I'm feeling/thinking with my Dr. the next time we meet. Thanks to all of you. Please continue to comment on this topic and those who haven't yet- I hope you will now.

OEF n' Home Again...... and struggling.

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OEF,

Therapy has helped me stop roaming the alleyways at

2 and 3 in the morning, in hopes someone would give me a hard time,

thus (in my mind) allowing me to kick their azz without guilt.

I have been doing really great with this.

I did have a bit of a problem a couple of weeks ago

when my partner was aggravating me. I had a soda can in my hand

and threw it through the living room, into the kitchen wall.

That was a very poor decision for me to make, whether or not

I admit that I made the decision to do such.

It was not at all fair fighting for my partner and I had

no right to do this.

Therapy has helped me with this, it no longer happens nearly as often as

prior to therapy.

jmho,

carlie

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  • HadIt.com Elder

You know, by admitting quickly that you have a problem and getting help it will be more beneficial in the long run than trying to pretend that you are normal. Been there, done that and pretty much ruined my life at the time. Things are a 99% better most of the time since getting the help I needed. You are not alone, many, many people have been through this. You are not even that unusual, many more feel as you do and don't even think they need help. They scare me more. In fact by asking for help makes you pretty normal. The Shame mentality that the military puts on service members is juvenile petty buffalo chips perpetrated by people with pea sized brains. If you need help, get it right now. We care about you kid.

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Well, everyone, I finally got the rating. But I want to tell any active duty or reservists folks out there that you can go to your counselor and get help... you wont get kicked out like I thought I would have. I told them about homicidal and suicidal ideation... thing that I thought would harm my career... but alas, I got off of active duty orders (by my own choice) and went to the VA. They had no problem finding sc and rating me at 30% for ptsd (which I plan to appeal)

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