ptsd Appealing Ptsd, Back And Knees?

[strykergrunt]

I recently received my award lettered granting me, 30%PTSD, 10% for back and both knees, a total of 50% disabled.

From what I understand this system is not necessary based of how disabled you are but how persistent you are and knowledgeable about the process.

In my case I was a former Infantryman and served in Iraq for 15 months, pretty hostile places I might add, Huge 8 hour conflict in Najaf (quoted largest firefight since the invasion of Iraq), my unit/platoon were among the first soldiers to patrol and conduct missons in Sadr City... blah blah..

My PTSD to me seems severe to the point I find happiness in NOTHING. Money, love, family, life or anything. So the process of appealing doesn't appeal. What I do want is help. I work 12 hour days for upwards of 65-70hrs a week and I find little time for basic things in life much less therapy.

I am sick, shell shocked whatever. i spent the last 4 years of my life learning to do nothing but kill people, yeah yeah first aid, land nav but all thats to help me kill more people....

Uncle sam made me into this emotionless machine, to kill and not feel bad or shame. Problem is converting back to civilian life is not so easy. I cant sleep without drinking, and when i do its only for about 5 hours, then I have nightmares, i awake with my heart pounding out of my chest and ANGRY for not real reason, and im not talking about a cry for attention ANGRY but, Im talking picking up the pistol and blasting thru walls, sometimes im not even fully awake yet. The local Va hospital is large Ralph Johnson down here in Charleston sc, but they just listen, i guess maybe its because their civvies their pretending to care and understand, all they do is prescribe me meds that have NO EFFECTs but side effects. They scheldule me to therphy that I have no time for, I guess if i was like some of the older members of this forum it would be okay to spend all day talking about how I got sea sick on a boat or whatever POG's story. I feel like Im at battle and its either fight the ptsd and lose my job or keep my job and keep the ptsd. Everytime I visit the VA i leave feeling way worst than i came, talking about things I did in iraq triggers something inside me so evil.. Im afraid of what i'll do. Something about my first kill.. watching him die slowly, gasping for air and finally dying and me looking into his eyes the whole time just wont leave my mind, at the time we thought it was funny, even kicked at him, but now everythings a reality and not funny AT ALL.

My Knees well, besides running 5k miles 4 times a week, road marching with heavy rucks, and patrolling 14hrs a day as a M249 SAW gunner, 6-800 rnds of ammo, Sappi plates and full kit.... kinda takes a toll, same for my back. Its bad because I can hear my knees grind when i bend them, they hurt when I stand too long,

Some how this is only 50% disabled? Like I said before its not about the money because theres nothing I can buy that'll make me even remotely happy again. Maybe my PTSD is different from the ones I've been reading about here. But for me I just wanna be alone, away from everything social, I don't mind nature, ya know birds trees etc.

Everybody I loved, im pushing away. My memory is failing, I cant remember names of Dr's, appointments.... I get lost in conversations, my mind just drifts. The Va is a joke, I'm 24 years old, no joy in life, no clubs, no interest in sex or girls, pushed all of my friends away. I want help but this PTSD has a way to pushing away help too, I seen alot of stuff and most of what I saw i'm really now just remembering because I blocked some of it out.

Sorry for the rant, I just don't know what else to do.........

Another thing working against me is I hate to complain, and cry to the VA. Talking about my stressors and triggers makes me very very upset, All me C&ps were quick and sloppy, my award letter described my right knee as my right knee and my left knee as my right knee?

[Philip Rogers]

Good for you Dave! I was tempted myself but changed my mind. Reminded me of those VN Combat vets that were in the sh*t 24/7. jmo

Good luck, strykergrunt, we wish you only the best!!!

pr

Troop, I was sincere in my welcome to you, pissing match? nope ain't going there. Rather spend the energy dealing with the VA. Kindest Regards, Dave

Edited June 29, 2010 by Philip Rogers

[vmo]

Strykergrunt. The best of the above suggestions--- is referring you to a Vet Center. Most on board here want to help, but some take offense easily. Some times the offense is taken both ways. Unfortunately, it happens. The main thing to keep in focus is: (1)identify what the vet (you) need currently (medical/counseling?), (2)direction/development of the VA claim. *Please give the Vet Centers a chance--it can take more than one visit. All of us, which includes those asking for and those giving advice, are Vets (dependents), too. Remember, there are friendly's out there, try not to get them in the line of fire (or in theirs'). Don't give up, stick with your treatment. The VA system often presents a brick wall. The good people on board here(and the Vet Center) will try and help you get around it---or over it.

[john999]

Stryker

The way to get your ratings increased is to file an NOD on your rating decision and gather new evidence to show your conditions are worse. That means medical evidence the VA cannot just ignore. You have to appeal these low ball decisions. The VA usually low balls a vet the first time. The ones who get decent ratings are the ones who persist with appeals and gathering new evidence. You can even hire a lawyer after you file your notice of disagreement.

[stillhere]

Stryker

The way to get your ratings increased is to file an NOD on your rating decision and gather new evidence to show your conditions are worse. That means medical evidence the VA cannot just ignore. You have to appeal these low ball decisions. The VA usually low balls a vet the first time. The ones who get decent ratings are the ones who persist with appeals and gathering new evidence. You can even hire a lawyer after you file your notice of disagreement.

john on this mix up on the knees shouldn't he ask for a reconsideration and point out the obvious mistake?

That will happen quicker and I feel in his case his PTSD is going to run rampant, for as you and I know a NOD is taken well over a year now.

Not sure if he has that patience in him right now.