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Angry 38 Years Later



I,m trying to understand why I am so angry after 38 years about the treatment I received during the discharge process at Fort Riley and the lies they stated on the records about no pretrial confinement,no issues concerning mental conditions,when they took me out of the mental hospital I was at when arrested.

They never even mention the mental file

the medicine I was on

the beating I took while in lockup,

the medical records show no problems, Yet I had marked them all on the form for separation

How the say I was awol the last ten days while I was still there.

Let me go with no money,coat,shoes,eyes swollen shut.

I,m not even angry about the assault, just the treatment form Fort Riley

Is it normal to be so angry as if it happen today,really mad about it??

Really vivid in my mind all of sudden.?

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I think letting go of things that have happened in the past is very hard for us. I know for a fact and have acted this way many times. You do not want to wrong me because I do not play nice and I hold a grudge for like forever!!

If you are in treatment at a vet center, I would suggest talking it over and bringing it out so you can try and get it in control!

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Of all the meds and the professionals I have dealt with the most help I get is talking to other people who suffer from the same disorder I have. Guess what most of us know a lot more than the so called professionals as we have learned the hard way and all they have are theories.

So my recommendation is to ask for group therapy you will be surprised how much it will help you.

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I can understand the anger yes even 35 years later or more, I am one of a group of men who are suing the VA, DOD, the Army and the CIA over a human experimentation program that they conducted from 1955 thru 1975, these agencies have basically told everyone that inquires about it that all of us are lying about it, despite the 1975 DA IG report, the Church Committee's investigation, MKULTRA was real and so were the other approx 250 substances they used on 7120 enlisted soldiers. They have lied to us veterans, our congressmen, senators and any reporters that attempt to get into the truth of it. As recently as 2004 a Army Colonel wrote a letter to my congressman that many older veterans "believe" they were used in "secret" tests that never really took place and my records do not show any use in "secret" tests, of course they don't I was used in a known classified research program that has been well documented since 1975 and it was stopped when Congress learned about it in 1975, unfortunately I was there from Jun 25 1974 until August 22 1974

I get mad to this day when I think about it my shrink says I have OCD over this issue, gee I wonder why? I really hate being lied to and denied service connection for the medical issues caused by the exposures at Edgewood Arsenal, the Super Fund report by the EPA shows the base water wells where all the drinking water was obtained until they were capped in 1978 after the initial tests were done contain 77 toxic substances, that cause damn near every medical problem known to man, yet the VA and DOD maintain that the Edgewood tests were safe BS. Yea I have OCD over this and I can get quite anal over it. I think it is normal even my shrink seems to understand where I am coming from now, at first he didn't believe the US Government would have allowed this to happen after getting the record from Edgewood after a FOIA request his jaw hit the floor where it talked about a "bad trip from LSD" and I was labeled a perfect candidate for all tests. classified a level A test subject.

there is nothing wrong with anger as long as you keep it focused on the right places

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It would be good if there was a group that met on a regular basis to offer support and help for guys like you who were lab rats. I think the public has a weak grasp on this. No doubt in my mind the feds and military are capable of horrendous human rights violations. I got a lot from group therapy over the years, but I had to pay for it myself.

I believe in people helping people to the extent they can. Just knowing you are not alone helps. I think group therapy saved my life and turned me around in many ways. I had this incredibly warped perception of other people and their motives when I got back from my military service. I thought everything people said was a lie. Of couse, maybe I was right.

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I am an extremely angry and bitter old man. At the way we were treated by the public, by the way we were (and some of us still are) treated by the VA. My VA psychatrist (a very kind and compassionate man) has tried very hard to help me; medications, talk therapy, he sent me to the Vet Center for group therapy, I've been to psycologists, social workers, ect. I've tried to look at my anger logically, it happened in the past, there's nothing that can be done, ect. It still returns.

The Vet Center group did help, being with men with PTSD and learning how some of them cope. But I've moved and don't have that any more. And still it returns. I have just started seeing a private psychiatrist and she is a very nice lady that has a military background. I have great expectations.

Simply put, my anger is a disease, I assume that it has some connection to my PTSD. Life isn't worth living if one hates all the time. I hope one day to live without hate.

I fear for our "new" Veterans and hope they don't sink to the level that I have.

I made the comment here that the VA's new "treatment" modality was a dog and pony show. Perhaps I was wrong. Maybe it does work for our kids coming back with multible tours. I fervently hope so as I don't want them to live the kind of life I have.


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