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Fear


carlie
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Question

This could go in social chat but I want to share with other claimants

how messed up things can get.

Yesterday I was able to post my great news of success.

Today I am filled with fear of dying, actually of something stupid killing me.

Usually I am looking forward to dying and embrace the thought of it.

This is not the depression that happens many times after a claimant hashad some positive resolve from claims being adjudicated.

My rationale mind knows that this huge fear involves, OK somethingreally good has happened and now I feel like I won't live to reap and enjoy the benefit.

But that's my rationale mind - my regular PTSD/MDD can't get a grasp andaccept what my rationale mind is telling me.

I've got a call into my Vet Center therapist and hope to hear from her before 4:30.

I am not at all suicidal or even thinking of it, it's more like something stupid is going tokill me like not paying enough attention driving, running a light or stop sign,falling and cracking my head then bleeding out, heart attack

Just got off phone with my psychologist - I am safe and will be OK.My partner will be home in 3 hours and I will be OK.I am going to wash, dry and fold laundry for now and scrub the kitchen sinkand take 100 mg seroquel and 1 mg clonazepam to calm anxiety and fear butnot to go to sleep yet.

Also, the RO must be working on my BVA remand instructions now becausetoday I got notification of a C&P for next week.My rationale mind knows it's for the remanded issues but my PTSD/MDD mindis thinking - OK, now they are going to try and find a way - to take back what wasjust granted.

Sorry but I am a f'ing mess right now.

If you are lucky enough in the adjudication of your claim issues,this could be you, one day.

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I understand. Still awaiting for pay but it is not too far away like it was 7 years ago. But I did have the same thoughts that you have expressed. I make sure I take my cymbalta to make it all go away.

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Unreasonable fear, paranoia something is going to happen, and it's real!

Been there, done that - got the T-Shirt!!!

Logically nothing's wrong, but the never-ending (seems like never-ending when it's happening) dread is hard to cope with. I used to kill it (and almost myself) with huge amounts of alcohol. I don't drink alcohol anymore, but I still have those days when I want to lock myself away from the world in a safe place.

Carlie, I am sending prayers your way that this will pass quickly for you.

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Carlie,

You need to take a very nice vacation like a nice cruise, or take a train trip to someplace you have not been. A change of scenery may do you some good. Buy yourself a new outfit, or several. This is money that you earned, and not welfare. Please enjoy it, and be happy.

Papa

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Carlie: Wow I thought I was the only that felt this, since my award, I have had the idea that ok now it's my turn. As all that make it to 100% don't make it long. and just keep waiting for it to happen. Well I for one am going to do my best to prove them wrong and try to live to 100. I know that won't happen, but just ignore those feelings and live my life. I am traveling a lot and seeing things, I try to fill my days with positive things to do and try not to be alone very much.

congratulations on the large win and hope you get even more. Most importantly I hope you live to be 110 that will beat me by 10 years but you are worth it...

This could go in social chat but I want to share with other claimants

how messed up things can get.

Yesterday I was able to post my great news of success.

Today I am filled with fear of dying, actually of something stupid killing me. Usually I am looking forward to dying and embrace the thought of it. This is not the depression that happens many times after a claimant hashad some positive resolve from claims being adjudicated. My rationale mind knows that this huge fear involves, OK somethingreally good has happened and now I feel like I won't live to reap and enjoy the benefit. But that's my rationale mind - my regular PTSD/MDD can't get a grasp andaccept what my rationale mind is telling me. I've got a call into my Vet Center therapist and hope to hear from her before 4:30. I am not at all suicidal or even thinking of it, it's more like something stupid is going tokill me like not paying enough attention driving, running a light or stop sign,falling and cracking my head then bleeding out, heart attack Just got off phone with my psychologist - I am safe and will be OK.My partner will be home in 3 hours and I will be OK.I am going to wash, dry and fold laundry for now and scrub the kitchen sinkand take 100 mg seroquel and 1 mg clonazepam to calm anxiety and fear butnot to go to sleep yet. Also, the RO must be working on my BVA remand instructions now becausetoday I got notification of a C&P for next week.My rationale mind knows it's for the remanded issues but my PTSD/MDD mindis thinking - OK, now they are going to try and find a way - to take back what wasjust granted. Sorry but I am a f'ing mess right now. If you are lucky enough in the adjudication of your claim issues,this could be you, one day.

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