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ptsd Fear
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carlie
This could go in social chat but I want to share with other claimants
how messed up things can get.
Yesterday I was able to post my great news of success.
Today I am filled with fear of dying, actually of something stupid killing me.
Usually I am looking forward to dying and embrace the thought of it.
This is not the depression that happens many times after a claimant hashad some positive resolve from claims being adjudicated.
My rationale mind knows that this huge fear involves, OK somethingreally good has happened and now I feel like I won't live to reap and enjoy the benefit.
But that's my rationale mind - my regular PTSD/MDD can't get a grasp andaccept what my rationale mind is telling me.
I've got a call into my Vet Center therapist and hope to hear from her before 4:30.
I am not at all suicidal or even thinking of it, it's more like something stupid is going tokill me like not paying enough attention driving, running a light or stop sign,falling and cracking my head then bleeding out, heart attack
Just got off phone with my psychologist - I am safe and will be OK.My partner will be home in 3 hours and I will be OK.I am going to wash, dry and fold laundry for now and scrub the kitchen sinkand take 100 mg seroquel and 1 mg clonazepam to calm anxiety and fear butnot to go to sleep yet.
Also, the RO must be working on my BVA remand instructions now becausetoday I got notification of a C&P for next week.My rationale mind knows it's for the remanded issues but my PTSD/MDD mindis thinking - OK, now they are going to try and find a way - to take back what wasjust granted.
Sorry but I am a f'ing mess right now.
If you are lucky enough in the adjudication of your claim issues,this could be you, one day.
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