ptsd New To This Site But Not To The Bs

[Kim82]

Hello everyone,

My name is Kim and I was released from active duty in September 2007 and since June 2008 I have been serving in an Army Reserve unit here in Las Vegas. I was deployed to Iraq from 2006-2007 with the 82nd ABN DIV 1/505 PIR (Forward Support Company) I was one of 7 females in the whole unit, my MOS was 88M (Truck Driver) I am now a 42A(Human Resources) While in Iraq I was tasked with working checkpoints searching women and children, when I wasn't doing that I would be driving convoys to relocate detainees to bigger fobs and to resuply. On February 12 2007 I was in a convoy going to FOB Speicher we were on MSR Tampa there was a black intertube on the side of the road the lead truck called it up and my Platoon Sgt said for us to keep going, even though we had EOD in our convoy with us. We continue on our route not long after that I came upon the intertube and when I saw it I knew something wasn't right. I was driving an LMTV with 6 Iraqi Detainees in the back of it. I pressed the gas as far as it would go hoping that I could pass this object without anything happening. As soon as my cab cleared it, it went off the IED hit right behind my cab and injured all of the detainees in the back very badly. I was later found to have mild internal bleeding but was told I would recover just fine. After that I was not the same, Going on missions for me I was begging and wanting to die, I didn't care anymore I had given up and knew that my life could be taken at anytime and I didn't care because it would have been better with everything that I was dealing with at the time I would have been better off dead. After getting back from Iraq I knew I had issues with my temper and my attitude about a lot of things. I just kept telling myself that it was normal and I would get back to me soon, well after waiting nearly 4 years I have come to see this is not the case. I filed a claim with the VA in May 2010 for PTSD, and a few other health issues that I have had since Iraq. I have gone to all of my C&P appointments and my file is still in the 1st Phase of the process so god only knows how long it will take for them to give me a rating. I have recently started seeing a therapist at my local Vet Center, everything was beginning to be too much for me to handle on my own and so I finally broke down and made a phone call. I just hope that it gets better, my marriage is hanging on by a thread right now because of everything. I have horrible insomnia, It takes me hours to fall asleep and I wake up numerous times during the night I lay there trying to go back to sleep until my alarm goes off then it's time to go to work. My fuse has been getting shorter by the day and I am not sure how much more of this I can handle, I blow up on people for anything anymore and I hate it. This is not who I am I don't know this person that is living my life and I don't like her and she needs to go the hell away so I can have my life back. Everything is affecting my work performance and I don't know how much longer I can keep trying to pretend like everything is fine and do my job at the same time, it is very time consuming and it drains all of my energy. I just don't know what to do anymore. I found this site through google and after reading some of the forums I decided that this might be a good place for me to get advice and help since I have no real support system here. I am working with a VSO with the VFW for my claim but I don't know how much help he really will end up being. So that is me in a nutshell I guess, I am sure I am leaving things out because my memory sucks and I forget things so dang easily but this will have to do for now.

Kim

[john999]

The main thing for you is to get good treatment for the PTSD and for any other injuries you have gotten in Iraq. If your treatment at the VA is not good I would try and seek out someone who can help you. The thing you most need is to be able to build trust and that takes time. Do you see a VA psychiatrist as well?

[broncovet]

Kim

A couple comments.

First, are you currently working? Working one weekend per month as a National Guard is probably not "substantial gainful employment" unless you make over about 10,000 per year. I did not see that in your posts. If you are not working, consider filing for TDIU (Unemployability) if you (or especially your doctor) feels your PTSD is keeping you from working. Even tho it can take years to get benefits, the earlier you apply the bigger your retro check will be if/when you get your benefits.

Next, dont overlook the other stuff, either. I have not seen your medical records, but it may well not be "just" about PTSD. You may have tinnitus (ringing in the ears) from the explosion, for example. Who knows what else. Check your medical records.

Finally, get ready for the appeals. Almost everyone has to appeal. Its the VA way. Keep reading hadit, and welcome. There are quite a few female Veterans, plus widows. I think that women talk more than men, and that includes posting on hadit. Some here are "generations" of Veterans. I am a Vietnam Era Vet, while my son is a soldier who is an Iraq Vet...and probably going to go to his second war before he is old enough to drink beer in most states.

[Capt.]

Hello Kim, Welcome aboard. You are the right site and are among other vets like youself. I do not know how the VA gets away with the rating on PTSD when all other claims can be adjudicated by Independent Medical Opinions (IMO). I hope that this will go to the Supreme Court as it is the only rating the VA does not accept IMO's and that an opinion has to come from one of "their" doctors. It is at the very least unconstitutional. However it may take years to get it before a court so that it can be changed and that means more Veterans having to go thru the hamster wheel.

Kim you have lots of help here and many people who have or are dealing with many of the same issues so don't be afraid to just let it hang out here and seek advice. Please remember though that above all , no matter how tough it gets , NEVER GIVE UP. God Bless, C.C.

[Kim82]

I am going to try to reply to everyone hopefully I can remember everything that you asked.

First yes I do work full time but it has put a big strain on me keeping my job, I am hardly hanging on right now. I have gotten reprimanded many times by my bosses for not using the right language with my employees or just being down right mean to them. I can't help that though it's a compulsive thing I don't even think about it and by the time all is said and done it's too late. So yeah I am thinking about just quitting my job because it's causing me too much stress on top of all the other crap that I am trying to deal with.

Second I do see a therapist about once a month at the vet center and I do see a shrink at the VA for all my prescription meds. Right now they have me on Welbutrin and Ambien. And it seems to have helped a little. I have gone through my fair share of trials on different meds though and that was not fun at all. First one was trazadone oh god that stuff was aweful, then they put me on topamax it didn't do anything for my headaches that I get every day and it made me feel awful so stopped taking that, then they tried to give me Seroquel OMG that stuff made me like a damn zombie holy crap I couldn't function on that stuff. Called my Dr and I told her "look lady I am not going to be your guiny pig I will do my own research and I will pick something that I think will work for me" she said ok so I went online did some research and I came accross Welbutrin it has minimal side effects which is good cause I hate taking drugs that have worse side effects than the original problem you are trying to treat. And one of the side effects is weight loss and I am not going to lie I look forward to that side effect also the increased sexual arrousal I need that as well since my sex life is in the toilet, and the last one that stood out to me was the extra energy it gives you I need all the energy I can get since I am also mildly anemic and pretty vitamin D defficient so I am ok with that side effect. They are putting me on some Vitamin D suppliments to get my body somewhat back to normal but of course that is one of the side effect of PTSD I never go outside so of course I don't get enough sun to give my body what it needs....oops.

Third, Yes I have other injuries from Iraq that I have claimed and some that I still need to claim. I did claim my asthma that was a result of an uper respiratory infection that I got in basic training from when they smoked the dog crap out of us in the rain and forced us to stay in soaking wet acus all day. I was sicker than a dog went to sick call and got put on all these meds and went back and kept training, they had put me on a 5 day profile but I said no way was I going to get recycled so I sucked it up and probably made my situation worse. Anyhow after being in Iraq my asthma did get worse and I have also been diagnosed with Sinusitis with a polyp. Once again was treated for that in basic and it's been worse since coming back from Iraq. I do have tinitis as well and it drives me absolutly insane some times it's so loud that it actually hurts my ear drums. I have yet to claim that. Once this claim is done I will be going to my VSO and claiming everything else. Such as tinitis, Sinusitis with polyp, migraines, and possible TBI I am waiting for them to schedule me for the nueropsyc exam so we will see what that shows. Luckily I have all my medical records from basic from when I was sick and everything so they can't say that I didn't get it from being in. And Iraq did make everything with my respiratory system way worse. I still serve in the Army Reserve and it's so bad that I can not run anymore I will pass out from lack of oxygen. Luckily I do have a permanent profile for that and so I can do the walk for my PT test.

Other than that I think I covered everything at least I hope I did. I tried my best to fill you all in if you have any other questions please feel free to ask.

Also my claim is currently in the decision phase so we will see how much longer until I get a rating, I really hope I don't have to apeal it though. Im tired of fighting the system already and it's only been about a year. I can't imagine what the rest of you have to go through when you have been fighting them for 10+ years, hats off to you guys for sticking with it and not giving up.

[carlie]

I am going to try to reply to everyone hopefully I can remember everything that you asked.

First yes I do work full time but it has put a big strain on me keeping my job, I am hardly hanging on right now. I have gotten reprimanded many times by my bosses for not using the right language with my employees or just being down right mean to them. I can't help that though it's a compulsive thing I don't even think about it and by the time all is said and done it's too late. So yeah I am thinking about just quitting my job because it's causing me too much stress on top of all the other crap that I am trying to deal with.

I can't imagine what the rest of you have to go through when you have been fighting them for 10+ years, hats off to you guys for sticking with it and not giving up.

Kim82,

I would speak with my doc's and therapist first before "just quitting my job because it's causing me too much stress on top of all the other crap that I am

trying to deal with" and see perhaps if they are in agreement with this and if any of them might be willing to write a letter in support of you no longer

being employed.

Once you just QUIT on your own - then it's too late for them to write any letters, suggesting you discontinue employment due to the conditions

you have requested service connection (SC) for.

Hopefully you will get a good size retro deposit when your claims get adjudicated.

[navydoc2]

Welcome to hadit. Let me first say thank you for your service. You are not alone as you can see. I would encourage you to continue to get the help you need at the VetCenter, but know you will find the support and experience here to help you navigate through this maze called the VA and also be able to talk with people who understand what you are going through. I won't give you much advice as others here will point you in the right direction to start. That is not my expertise, I will say no matter who is working your claim VFW, DAV, etc. It is in your best interest to keep on top of things keep going to appt's, always, always, always, get copies and keep records of your treatment, if you have not already got a copy of your medical record while on ative duty get it. You know what they say in the military if its not on paper it didn't happen. God Bless, good luck, keep coming back. The more you read the more you will know.

/doc