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Dismissing Every One Around Me

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maset22

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I find myself short and don't want to tolarate BS. Including Mom's, and friends, my solution is to cut them out of my life, and vice versa. My voice raises gradually, but.I am not angry, and my juices start flowing, just like a mission. How I feel? Relieved, blood pressure down couple points, but I really don't feel bad. I love my Mom but we are opposite, she is passive aggressive, and I still am like the military. Now I have several friends we speake on the phone, but the are all military. Even thou I cut a military out also.

What's wrong with me? Am I getting more mental from my PTSD like don't care, I say that a lot, " it does not matter " now I am going to have my Dad disappointed in me, another reason to cut him out. I just don't care, suicidal is not in my doing due to my faith, but ridding fast living on the edge is ok.

I am still going throught treatment for a full.stomack and partial spleen removal. The chemo and radiation is still in me. What is wrong with me? You guys know, you have done countless counseling in your time. Help me. I am not going back to V.A.

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  • HadIt.com Elder

Get mental health help from non-VA source. I did when I got back form Vietnam and it saved my life. If I had gone to the VA I would have spent next 20 years in a nuthouse. Things at the VA have improved marginally, but they don't do psychotherapy. They do drugs. I went to a very stable private group therapy for years. My clinical psychologist was the key. If you think you can't afford it then can you afford to be going downhill for years?

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IDK WHat I was trying to say was. My back pain was contributing to my depression because I couldn't do the things I use to do. I have to accept that I can't heal mentally until I accept my physical disabilities. I was probably just speaking about my own issues thinking I was helping you with your issues. My bad. :-/.

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Maset, 82nd makes a good point. When you find yourself physically unable to do many of the things other people your age enjoy/are able to do, it gets to you. When you find that your body is permanently injured, the depression comes down like the side of a mountain.

My foot was permanently damaged 30 years ago. My psych traumas can be traced back to that first injury, too. I've been angry, sad, bitter, you name it. Suicide is a daily wrestling match (it would be so easy).

One thing I have never really done, is grieve. Not really. Maybe because I always thought that if I just tried hard enough I would be healed. Not going to happen. Best hope is that I get a handle on the PTSD. My physical injuries are with me for as long as I live. Multiple private doctors have concurred that pain management is my only hope.

Maybe it sounds funny or crazy to say we need to grieve for our broken bodies. I kinda think it might make sense.

And it makes perfect sense to withdraw from others when you're in pain and suffering. All animals do this, they all crawl away into a hole or den and stay there until they heal. It's perfectly natural. So don't beat yourself up for isolating.

It's also natural for humans to need other humans. Even if it's just a therapist or another vet, we need someone to say they understand that we're in pain.

Good luck, Maset.

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wow that its true. and you know what else happens in nature, and why the injured and weak animals hide and go lone, its because natural animal instict is to try and weed the weak ones out, destroy, and remove. so its a natural instinct, for those of us injured, to go lone ranger status. lonely is depressed. depressed is dying. dying is dead.

Edited by 63SIERRA
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  • HadIt.com Elder

When you cut yourself off from others you will make your depression and pain worse. I am depressed about my condition in the last 15 years since I started to age and old injuries have flared up. I had horrible depressions before my physical thing which would incapacitate me. When I graduated from college I had one. When I was in graduate school I had another which destroyed my role in a program. I remember sitting in a chair at my crummy apartment and I could not decide to get up or just sit. It was a horrible feeling. I felt like I was turning to stone. It was either a hallucination or delusion but it was horrible.

John

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Thanks to all for taking time to help me, Airborne, you can tell me anything and it would not be taking in a bad way, if you want to talk about part of your experiences, let it flow. 63 SIERRA, and john 999 I dont think depression is on me at this time, I have this Cancer to deal with and all the side effects that come with it. My plate is full. I believe it is all writting, there is variation on choices, but at this time, isolation, with all of my treatment of 7 years gives me options, plus I will give the Vet Center a try.

I feel good, but very bad no communication with my parents, but I take it as it is. I have to get better from this Cancer first. I don't even know what that mean, what after that? Dan

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