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Sad News For Me At Least



If I am posting this on the wrong forum, I apologize in advance. my husband passed away very suddenly yesterday afternoon. I was all by my self and had nobody waiting with me as things went down hill. Right after I heard the news, I tried calling the VA out patient clinic in in Ft.Smith. My husband was inconsiderate enough to die after business hours. When I called no one would pick up the phone. Even when I dialed 9 for emergency, no one answered the phone either in Ft. Smith OR Fayetteville. So I called the bastards up this morning to give them a piece of my mind. Nothing was resolved, they did not care that I am all alone, with no family or friends in the local area. If I become suicidal again, just go to an emergency room or urgent care. Otherwise we will see you on the 12th at your scheduled appointment. Now, if I should feel a need to go to the emergency room, how am I going to get there???? Who will take me??? My husband is dead, he used to take me to all my appointments. But I coud not expect anything different from our fine VA health care system B)

I will try to struggle thru the long holiday weekend. After all, I still have my Siamese cat to care for. Once I get thru next week & get affairs in order, I will proceed to attack VA again.

About my husband......he had a verry colorful career, a proud Viet Nam vet with 23 years honorable service. I flew in the back seat of F-4s over Viet Nam. Even the crazed Marine pilots could not make him throw up no matter how many Gs they pulled, He was discharged from the Navy in 1984 on a medical diabiliuty. The Navy rated him as 20% disabled because of a back condition called angolsing sondilitis(SP?) A progressive back disease that would eventually affect his breathing. He was OK for a while after retirement because of temp civil service jobs. But once we moved to Arkansas, his health started going down hill gradually. Over the years, I tried talking him into filing a claim with VA. He would have none of that & he did not want VA to treat him. He has had high blood pressure since I've known him, but he also developed type II diabetes, & gained almost 75 LBs since getting out of the military 22 years ago. I am sure my own mental health issues probably affected his own will to live. He would not follow doctor's orders or the pleadings of his wife, family and friends to take his health seriously. I hope he is happy, where ever he is tonight.

Aftter I get thru the following next weeks, is there any way I can file some kind of posthumus claim for him & get benefits as a surviving spouse?? Again, that is not my concern right now. I just needed some one to talk to tonight even if it is only to a computer screen.

Thanks all for your patience. Sorry to have rambled on so.

Liz, giving new meaning to the slogan HADIT!!!

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I am very sorry. That is not the news I was wanting to hear today.

I dont mean to post this right now but if you are going to file a claim, You need to have an autopsy performed to get the official and secondary causes. That will save you headaches down the road.

You are in our prayers this weekend.


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This is shocking news Liz- just horrible- I been there-I know how you feel right this minute-it is a stunning shock-when a spouse dies like this-

Men and women- do NOT call the VA to try to get an ambulance in any emergency situation-like this-their ambulances do not come to a PTs home to get them in situations like this-

Locally we call 911 for the volunteer ambulance corps- I think 911 is who you have to call for an ambulance-anywhere in the country now-they dispatch the first closest ambulance they can-

it wont come from the VA-it will come from the closest private hospital.or from a local volunteer ambulance Corp. In a critical emergency a vet is much better off anyhow getting taken to a real hosp by a local ambulance.

This is who you also have to call Liz- 911 and tell them if you yourself need an ambulance.

You are right not the time to think about the VA or any benefits- I advise you to have him autopsied-where did he die? you were somewhere else?

Tell them if he was an organ donor , and make sure you get many copies of the Death Certificate with the stamped certified impression on it-I went through 6 copies in two weeks-and still needed more-

Did he have service disabled life insurance?

Do you have his DD 214 on hand for the undertaker?

Make sure his obituary contains all the awards and decorations he got for his service.Write it yourself . I did.

Also if the minister, Priest,Rabbi etc didnt know him well -write for them what you want them to say about his military service.

Some of them dont have a clue as to what the death of a veteran should mean to us all.

Call the American Legion IMMEDIATELY- if you want a military funeral service with the guns and color guard-

(I assume he is eligible for the color guard?) for service connected veterans-I dont know what you said his VA comp was for-

They need time to get out their uniforms, buy bullets and make arrangements to be at the service.

I am sorry-I lost two veteran husbands . This gives me flashbacks------

There will be so much you HAVE to do that you will not have time to grieve for a while.

The claims matter can come later-

I am deeply sorry for you and regret that this happened.

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  • HadIt.com Elder

Dear Liz:

I am so sorry that you had to go through this by yourself. Forget about the VA and concentrate on yourself. If there is anything I can do please let me know.

Just know that you are in my prayers. I will also pray for well being and that you will find someone to help you through this irdeal/

God Bless you and Keep you in Grace and Understanding


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So sorry to hear about your husband; I've not any experiences to relate, so I will just say if you want someone to talk with my wife and I aren't too far away, near Hot Springs, AR.

Take care of yourself, and try not to worry about all that is going on right now with the VA. Take care of yourself right now. Your in our prayers!


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  • HadIt.com Elder

Liz, I'm so sorry! What a shock for you, dear one. You had to go through this all by yourself yesterday. Please remember that we are here, you are not alone! I have been so comforted over the years with all the members of Hadit. We all know, really know what it feels like to lose someone close. Just keep reaching out - to everyone you meet, and everyone you talk to. The bonds of human beings run deep: our experiences in life are more similar than different. I agree with all the prior members: breathe deep, walk, keep your body moving: it will let your feelings surface - let your feelings out! Everything you feel now is normal, everything. Right now, you need to be good to yourself, and take some comfort in God and us, if that makes you feel better.

Keep posting, we can offer our advice: someone said to ask for an autopsy. That's a good idea. The next few days will raise questions about his burial, services, etc. Just ask for the help you need and deserve.

Love to you, and prayers. Silver Wings

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