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Memory235

When You Speak About Your Sw Asia Experience

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Memory235    4

Now before I go on you have to understand that my family is a military service family. The man I'm named after was a Union Veteran from the CW. My dad is named after a vet who fought in the Revolutionary War. Both grandparents fought in WW2; one stayed in for the first few years of Korea. My father Vietnam. My brothers Desert Storm/Shield and me in OIF. I have a doctoral level degree, I speak three languages fluently and am a generally even keel guy. Well, my BA is totally unrelated to my doctorate. But, a PHD I know gave me an invite to lecture his class. I spoke a little nervously. I am a research guy I've never been too inclined to teach. Even though docere is the exact definition of Doctor. I believe writing articles, researching texts and translating texts; Is my way of living up to the phrase " to teach". I digress. After the lecture I was smoking a cigarette and a rather liberal professor accosted me. He had somehow heard that I was a combat veteran. He proceeded to tell me that the war was illegal, we were war criminals etc. Well, before I knew it experiences of IEDs, Suicide Attacks and Mortar rounds hitting the FOB were pouring out. Next thing I know.... I'm smashing this man's face. Well, I ended up sitting in a corner crying. Police were called and of course I described to them with great emotion what had happened. They said " he hit you first didn't he?" I answered I don't know. It's like I blacked out. The cop who happened to be a National Guardsman fresh back from the Stan'.... Told me that he would be writing this up as a self defense case. He'd take the case to the prosecutor because no one witnessed the initial altercation. But, I am checking myself into a VA PTSD program. I always think I have something under control and I fall apart. I got a notice from the sheriff today that ill have a meeting with the prosecutor on the 23rd. But, no charges were being pressed! I don't know what this meeting will bring about but please pray for me. I am honestly sorry this incident happened. I hate myself somedays. Thanks for letting me rant hadit.

Edited by Memory235

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Navy04    677

Sorry to hear of your troubles bud. While stationed in New Orleans in 2012, I spent 3 months in a Civilian Mental Hospital. While it was nice to take some weight off my chest, it did not "Cure" my PTSD or Mental Issues. I take a lot of Meds both for Physical and Mental disabilities, and see 3 different Mental Docs at VA to include a Trauma Counselor. I used to think that PTSD was a made up word for the Older Vets, and now I know what it means, and that there is no cure for it. I don't sleep much, have a lot of bade dreams, and always have this hidden rage stuck inside of me. I have always been a good hearted, love to help people and see everything in the world to be happy. When the world hurts, I hurt, but I always have this dark feeling that someone is going to push me the wrong way and I am going to let loose like a Pitbull and not be stopped until it is too late. I try to explain this feeling to people but they don't understand. I don't Drink, Smoke, Never tried Drugs or been Arrested for anything in my life. God Bless and good luck. I did not mean to ramble on your topic, just know how you feel. I too have multiple Degrees and was working on PHD last fall when I had to drop out, and resign from my Federal Agent job. We will always be here for you.

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Memory235    4

Thanks for your kind reply. Sorry to hear about your having to drop out of a PHD program. In a way I wish I would have went to a science based Doctoral Program. It would have helped me immensely. Science jobs help society and they pay more. My cousin has 14 years with the Treasury Dept. He makes good money.

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manning01    8

Sorry to hear of your troubles bud. While stationed in New Orleans in 2012, I spent 3 months in a Civilian Mental Hospital. While it was nice to take some weight off my chest, it did not "Cure" my PTSD or Mental Issues. I take a lot of Meds both for Physical and Mental disabilities, and see 3 different Mental Docs at VA to include a Trauma Counselor. I used to think that PTSD was a made up word for the Older Vets, and now I know what it means, and that there is no cure for it. I don't sleep much, have a lot of bade dreams, and always have this hidden rage stuck inside of me. I have always been a good hearted, love to help people and see everything in the world to be happy. When the world hurts, I hurt, but I always have this dark feeling that someone is going to push me the wrong way and I am going to let loose like a Pitbull and not be stopped until it is too late. I try to explain this feeling to people but they don't understand. I don't Drink, Smoke, Never tried Drugs or been Arrested for anything in my life. God Bless and good luck. I did not mean to ramble on your topic, just know how you feel. I too have multiple Degrees and was working on PHD last fall when I had to drop out, and resign from my Federal Agent job. We will always be here for you.

I'm the same way I just hope my pent up rage doesn't all come out when pushed to far. I try to avoid any conflict.

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T-M    5

Good luck and hope everything works out! PTSD is no joke and people need to understand that sometimes we just can't help certain feelings and actions. Stay positive!

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knap-sack    40

I was told three times by a vso to go get evaluated for PTSD. I said to him no thank ya. I thought the way I felt and reacted was normal. I can click like switch. I dont have a gradual buildup of rage its all or nothing. I became an alcoholic to block out the world. The 26th of this month will be 10 years sober.

I have turned into the most basic of emotional intelligence fight or flight. I am so much more inclined to do flight today because of experiences like you described where you blacked out. I never ever gave anybody the opportunity to hit me first. When I start I dont stop until they stop moving that what scares the bee jevys outta me.

As you can see by my writing I'm uneducated. But I have been extremely fortunate and aquired aviation experience to sustain my family and myself.

The va called me for a pre appointment survey. I was at work, they asked these questions and for some reason I did not surgar coat my answers. I answered them totally honest. I started crying half through the survey. It was a huge relief but I was so scared I told what was going on in my head. They wanted to send me to ptsd inpatient for an extended stay. I would've went but I just started a new job. I have been going to weekly sessions since last May. My ptsd cliam was done in under 90 day's. I was awarded 50%. I am grateful to the va I think they may have saved my marriage and possibly my life. Time will tell.

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