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I'm Not Worthy


coastie72

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I turned 64 a few weeks ago, after over 40 years I finally gave in and asked for help with my hearing loss and tinnitus. I was awarded 10% SC for tinnitus and 0% for hearing.

I always had both conditions since leaving the USCG in 1972. Neither was as bad as it is now, especially the tinnitus which is really bad.

I always felt I was undeserving when I look around at what other vets have gone through.

A few weeks ago I contacted the vet crisis line and just unloading all that was pent up inside of me. I had mentioned how depressing and aggravating the tinnitus was to my DAV VSO. I also mentioned thoughts of suicide and recurring nightmares. At that time he suggested we do a claim secondary to tinnitus for depression. My personal Dr. gave me a nexus. My VSO didn't realize like most people how messed up I really am so that was the way we were going.

I spent over two hours chatting and on the phone with the Crisis Line people on Oct. 11th. The lady was very nice and after answering a zillion questions and insuring me I could get help she said that my dreams that also just pop up during the daytime hours are stressors and that I most likely have PTSD along with other issues. My talk with her that day made me feel better and she very well might have saved my life.

She gave me a list of phone numbers to call including the local Vet Center. Today I needed to talk to someone again, so I called the vet center. I spoke with another nice lady that listened to my story and she too said, likely PTSD..........I did not every know until a few months ago that you could have PTSD without combat.

So as we spoke and she calmed me down, I asked her if they had after hours counseling or groups ET. She said yes we do, but ONLY for combat veterans..... That took me back to square one for this day.

I see the VA MH next week, and then I go from there..........I'm beginning to believe what I always thought.... I am not worthy!!!!! I wish I had never started this process! God Help me!

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You are worthy - of being, try to not let your mind tell you

that you are not.

Once you can get into some therapy, you will see your self a bit differently

and see that you have worth and goodness.

Hang in there.

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You served just like everyone else. I also feel/felt the same way you do. Physically the years have taken their tole on my body and I am haunted by some of the things that I saw. That does not make me better or worse than any other veteran. I have never been looked down on by another veteran and everyone has been very encoouraging, especially on this forum. Don't give up, sometimes in life we have to fight for what is right, whether it be for the country, our family or ourselves.

You are worthy and you deserve help just like the rest of us.

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You served just like everyone else. I also feel/felt the same way you do. Physically the years have taken their tole on my body and I am haunted by some of the things that I saw. That does not make me better or worse than any other veteran. I have never been looked down on by another veteran and everyone has been very encoouraging, especially on this forum. Don't give up, sometimes in life we have to fight for what is right, whether it be for the country, our family or ourselves.

You are worthy and you deserve help just like the rest of us.

Thank You Carlie and USCG CWO4,

Thursday I go for an initial visit with MH. I don't know what to expect, but I sure hope they will come up with a plan that will help. I've kept so much bottled up inside for so long and now that I have shared some of my issues for some reason I feel more anxious and desperate. Several panic attacks in the last few days especially. I have gotten pretty good at fighting them off mentally, but here lately that's not working quite as well as it did.

I'm just so tired of everything. I'm hoping I won't have to fight for the help I need.........I just don't have that much fight in me right now.

Thanks again.

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coastie,

You do not necessarily have to be a "combat vet".

Here's the eligibility for the Vet Center's.

There are instances where they will most likely provide services - even if you don't meet the

eligibility criteria.

The team leader can probably make a decision on it.

jmho

http://www.vetcenter.va.gov/Eligibility.asp

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