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Question

I wasn't sure what to title this and where to put it.

timeline:

November 2011, rated 70 % SC for MH. Including PTSD, Bipolar, yadda yadda.

2011-Present time, Lots of counselings and changing of Meds.

About a month ago, I went to my regular physical doctor at VA. I told her that I still have suicidal thoughts. She made me see the counselor.

I talked to counselor in October, and she made an appointment for me on Nov 10, 2014. She said I can bring my wife if I wanted to, and I did.

We shot the bull and talked about how things were getting better for us, etc. I am trying to get back in shape and started walking/jogging a while back.

Also, I need to add, that my VA psychiatrist changed my drugs from one thing to Lithium. I told the counselor that I believe the drugs were a good thing, so far.

I noticed on my BlueButton MyHealtheVet, that she marked that I was doing better, etc, etc, etc.. Well, for one, I don't want to talk about all the bad stuff when my wife is sitting next to me. Because everything I say will be used against me (trust me).

I get a call this Monday, (17 November) from the C&P people. They said I need to come in for a C&P re-evaluation or a yearly evaluation for my MH claim.

19 November, I showed up at this C&P reevaluation, and the Dr. asked, Do you know why you are here? I said no ma'am. And she explained that the VA was making sure that I was being properly taken care of, and that my benefits didn't need to be bumped up.

When I was in the office with this Dr., my body felt like it was on fire. My chest started beating fast. My hands were shaking. I was crying, etc. She asked me to tell her what the following meant, "Don't Count your chickens before they hatch". I just repeated it like a fool like 5 or so times. I honestly believe that the new drug that they gave me started to kick in. She wanted to put me in the Mental Jail, But she kept asking me if I wanted to go there, but I told her, I prefer not. She said, what if I make you? I said, you got to do what you go to do, but I Prefer not.

Those people in the mental ward are literally crazy people. I'm depressed and act all weird, but I'm not "crazy" like some of those. In the mental ward, there was this one guy that kept shitting on everything. I'm not like that.

I'm glad that she seen me in my bad times, since it was a C&P exam.

But, I am so Scared that they are going to re-evaluate me and say that I don't deserve the 70% that I get. I already feel as though I am using the system, and it makes me feel really bad for having to "prove" my insanity. I wish I could go back in time and not ever go to the VA. I want life to be like it was before I went to Afghanistan in 2011.

Anyway, if these post are supposed to be in the form of a question,

What is the chances of them downgrading my % ?

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For future reference for anyone going into C&P.

Have Wife drive you to C&P, because you can use that when they ask if you if you need help around the house, etc.

Keep your medications going. I asked to stop my abilify about a month ago, when they put me on the Titinium. The abilify just made me so sleepy. However, it was a antipsychotic. :\

She did a few new things on this C&P. She asked me to draw a picture of two shape that looked like stop signs that were interweave. I'm no artist, and I am not sure what they were looking for. Also, she handed me a piece of paper and asked me to use my right hand to fold it. So, I did.

She made me call my wife and I put her on Speaker phone for a minute or two.

I didn't go in all dirty, but they look at that. They look at your hair. I cut my hair short. But each time you go to counseling, they look at you and note it. At the C&P, they will also note it. They said I was well groomed, which makes me feel good. :-)

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i think you have to go in really dirty to not get well groomed, I get well groomed above average intelligence but a GAF of 50. I don't understand how or what mental health looks for and makes decisions. Totally lost.

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I have read somewhere before, that the veteran walked in, smelling like smoke and hair unwashed.

Anyway, I am anxious about getting the results, if any back.

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My thoughts are this....the VA is there to help us Veteran's with our disabilities...Do we ever get better? Some situations sure...MH??? not so sure but if you are taking your medication and you are adjusting to life than isn't that worth it?

I want my mental health more than anything so I am taking full advantage of the VA's assistance....do I get better down the road??? I want to and I want to be able to not worry about my issues with my eating disorder/mental health issues due to my MST...

Where I am going with this is this....A lot of Veteran's rely on the "compensation" and don't focus on getting better....If you are truly getting better isn't that what it is all about?

I have been out for 18 years and was just s/c this year...I sure wish I had gotten the much needed help years ago....

Get the help you need for your mind/body/soul

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Navywife is right... what is your main goal... compensation money or getting better?

Yes, everyone is always worry about getting hard eraned service connected rating being reduced by VA. However, treatment comes first, I for one wants to get better and try to go back to my previous life before I went to iraq.

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Semper Fi BoJack!

I didn't see a Navy Wife. I see a Navy4Life.

Edited by cssamo
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