PTSD-MST Treatment(s)

[MKAH]

Good evening everyone,

Since November of 2015, I have been getting treatment from my local outpatient medical clinic for PTSD-MST which occurred in 1984 and I finally told my wife and VA doctor about mid November 2015.  (yes, raped by men - and I finally have a claim submitted).

Since November 2015 I have been getting EMDR therapy, frequent psychotherapy counseling and a variety of medications.  I am currently taking 200MG 1X day Sertraline (Zoloft), 2MG Prazosin X2 day, 10MG Ambien at bedtime.  I have been so psychologically jacked up, that my last day at work at a big box retail store manager, was 1/4/2016 and I am currently on state disability for PTSD. 

Strangely, my emotional state and psychological condition seems to have gotten worse in spite of the best efforts of my frequent treatment and medication.  I am now 57 years old and feel as though I have little to ZERO hope in being a productive, contributing and respected member of society anytime EVER.  Since 1984, I have tried an unimaginable variety of things to deal with this problem, none of which had any long term positive result.  I feel drained, empty, lifeless. 

My VA doctors have explained to me numerous times, that my feelings are normal and I will feel worse before I feel better.  I don't want to disappoint them but I feel so terrible.

Can someone please give me an idea how long it takes to actually start feeling alive and useful again?

Thank you so much....

 

Mark
Combat Medic 1983-1986
1/94 FA C-BTY MLRS West Germany

 

 

Edited April 1, 2016 by MKAH

[broncovet]

That all depends on YOU, and the choices you make.  Joyce Meyer is an example of someone who was raped and overcame it.  

[MKAH]

Thanks for the tip.

[TALON II FE]

MKAH,

  What do you do now?  I already know; not much, right?  Until January, how many hours a week were you working?  Big Box Manager, on Salary, my guess is around 60-70 hours a week, right? 3-6 hours of sleep a night? Brother, you were doing what I did on AD for 10 years, what I would wager most people suffering from PTSD do, you buried yourself in your work.  You kept your mind in overdrive, busy with 'immediate' issues until there was no time left over for you to think about any of this much, more important things to do, deadlines and people depending on you, etc.  I think that this is how some of us deal with PTSD, others differently, but that is how I did.

I am not an MST survivor, I have good ol' fashioned PTSD, though complex.  It really doesn't matter as much with the symptoms as you would think.  Some may be more aggressive or fearful, but that doesn't matter on the cause as much as the individual (IMO).  I completely IMPLODED when I went off of Active Duty and was not spending 16 hours at work or transiting to-and-from 6 days a week.  Work hard, play hard, right?  I was very lucky to survive my four months of Terminal Leave and continued to get worse for another 6 months.  I did not go into treatment until around then, at least a year after being diagnosed on AD with what amounted to no treatment at all.  I hate to say it, but you may still have a way to go before you start seeing the 'other side'.  Make sure the people around you, especially your wife, educate themselves as well.  Once my wife FINALLY started reading up on things, and getting some support of her own, things started getting better around the house, triggered less, etc.  Things are by no means perfect, but it helps.

  I also do EMDR therapy (It wears you out, doesn't it?  Tired after?  Drained?) and I have been told it has a 90+% chance of improving our condition, though it is not very well known, and most of that data is based on Viet Nam Vets in private treatment, so older traumas.  The VA only approved use of EMDR for PTSD in the last couple years, but it has been used in the private sector for over 20 years.  One problem with EMDR is that Benzo Drugs interfere with it's effectiveness, so I don't know if your meds may cause slower progress or not.  You need to weigh the benefits of the meds vs the increased benefit from treatment.  I have been going without meds (except some marijuana), for over a year, but I am getting to the point that I am realizing that I can't keep going without meds or I cannot leave my house, I am too afraid I will hurt or kill someone.  SO...I am NOT advocating you quit your meds, but you may want to discuss it with your treatment team and see if you can find a balance that works for you and maximizes your treatment.

Hope this is helpful...

[Tbird]

mkah -

i found this site helpful https://www.myptsd.com/c/ also susan avila-smith has many short videos that helped me not feel so crazy and alone you should check them out if you haven't here https://www.youtube.com/user/mstresources#p/a

you are not alone and it does get better, it doesn't go back to the way it was before the assault, but it does get better. savor your successes - sometimes success for me is just sitting outside in the backyard. 

[broncovet]

Welcome to hadit, "L" and "MKAH".   YOur posts are informative and apprecieated.  

Im not sure who your phone provider is, but with TWC phone or cell phone, you can block unwanted callers.  If the caller "spoofs" his phone number, you can still block, by blocking all "spoof" phone callers such as "unavailable".  

I have a "google voice" phone number (free), where I have the same number for life.  Online I use it and can forward calls, such as a new cell phone, to that number.  It allows me to "block" any callers I see fit.  

Dont put up with unwanted calls, use technology to block them.  

Edited April 4, 2016 by broncovet

[MKAH]

Thank you everyone for the advice and support.  Yesterday I had a long, informative and productive chat on Hadit.com with TBird.   A few hours after that, I spent about an hour chatting with a VA hotline staff member online.

Talking to someone that is not a psychotherapist was a nice change.  If I can get myself together and leave the house today, I plan on going to the VA clinic and discussing a long term plan.  It is my plan to ask the VA for some inpatient treatment so I don't do something that can't be undone.  Not sure if that's a "thing" that Vets can do, but I am going to see?

Thanks again for your help everyone.  Especially Tbird.

Edited April 4, 2016 by MKAH