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Not sure where this goes, child support



My fiancee has been medically discharged from the Army services. We find out when he has heart surgery in a month. He finally filled for disability about two months ago. Everything went smoothly until he went to pick up the funds. He just found out his ex wife is trying to take his funds as child support. The problem is that she was pregnant shortly before their divorce. He was being stationed in another state and she refused to go with. He had to find out by mail that she was divorcing him. She's constantly harasses us. Text, phone calls, her friends you name it. She discovered my phone number and our friends and I have no idea how. At one point, when he went back to work part time she called his work.

Now, he can't work at all. He has a large amount of funds waiting for him. The divorce papers state that he is not responsible for the child, she made that point. She also made a point to call us continuously to demand money, insult him, and tell us that he will never see this child but he's going to pay for it. We think someone forged his signature on the birth certificate. He doesn't even know what hospital the child was born at. He was told today that she filed an apportionment but it was denied already. She keeps filing these. I have tried to research it but is there a point to where she can't file them anymore? He has his divorce papers on file. He has his residence listed as being a different state during the divorce and after. She wants him to have nothing to do with the child but wants money.

What can we do? We're at the point where he can't work but I can't afford to keep us afloat. We've been together for a little over a year now and she just won't stop. He admitted something to me a few months ago. During their relationship she was very abusive. If he argued she hit him or threw things at him sometimes resulting in stitches. He never reported it because well... Guys don't report this kind of thing. Female spousal abuse generally goes unreported.

A restraining order won't work because she's in a different state. About six months ago we turned off his phone because she wouldn't stop calling and reporting his phone as stolen. Somehow she got a hold of my number. Somehow she got a hold of my families numbers and some of our friends. We don't know what to do... Every time she calls she does nothing but scream insults at him. When he left his part time job we got a call from them stating that she wouldn't stop calling. And now? We're facing eviction and repossession because she won't stop filing...

I'm worried, in a month we find out when he will have his open heart surgery. It will take him three months to recover. In the meantime he can't take any medication. This is too much stress. He's a decorated Veteran. He pushed his body to do his job to the point of his heart breaking... And now this?

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“He has a large amount of funds waiting for him.”

Do you mean his VA claim has been awarded  and there is a large pending  retro?

By apportionment, do you mean she has formally filed for apportionment with the VA

and the VA has denied her?

Is her attempt to have VA apportion the funds what is holding up his retro payment?

What % of disability has VA awarded him.


“A restraining order won't work because she's in a different state”

I filed police reports in 2 different states when someone attacked me here at hadit many years ago.

This was prior to the internet Libel and Slander Laws.

Their documented attacks on me became part of a court case on the west coast (I am in NY) – a case that they never dreamed I would learn of and could give testimony and evidence for.

You need to get her actions documented.

This must be aggravating your husband’s physical condition as well as causing him mental anquish.

He needs to file a police report and then get a lawyer.

People like this woman can be very dangerous.

He is the victim so he must handle this himself. You can certainly help by getting copies of any emails, phone bills, etc etc etc , screenshots of text messages, witness statements from the last employer he had,

AND do not answer the phone when she calls.I assume you have caller ID.

If you have DirectV you also can take a screen shot of their phone app that shows who is calling on the TV screen, if you have that app. Maybe Dish has it to.

I took photos of it when I had a VA issue last year to show how many times VA called me.

Mine only holds 21 calls however.

I don’t know why he would be evicted over this….

DO NOT use Facebook or any Social media that could reveal his or your identity.

I often hear on police scanner , calls whereby someone has been threated in email or on Facebook etc….

The police show up but of course I don’t have privy to what they advise the victim to do.

I filed one police report in person with my evidence in the problem I had here years ago and I filed the other one via email with the police department out west, (who were only a few blocks from where the perp lived) with a follow up call.

The police couldn’t really help me to follow up, but those reports were accepted by the court as evidence.

Libel and Slander Internet laws have changed since then. And text messages have become a great part of civil and criminal law these days.

Do NOT react to this person…..tell anyone else they contact to HANG UP and NOT respond or simply ignore the call if her # pops up on the caller ID.

Actually you are all victims. Everyone of you should file a police report.

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to add:

This BVA case holds the apportionment laws:


Child support laws are determined by each individual state.

I suggest you husband contact one of many of the vet claims  lawyers....who someone posted a link to here recently- to see if they can help.

The BVA web site under their search feature has many apportionment claims. www.bva.gov

You could search some of those recent claims ( use apportionment as the search feature) and maybe a lawyers name will show up in an appeal they succeeded in regarding this matter.

This involves two issues........#1 .the apportionment scenario (state laws have a lot to do with these claims if they involve child support)

The second issue # 2 is that somehow this woman found out about a potential large retro claim award...maybe even through the VA itself...

and is threatening and harassing the veteran (and others).

Others here might offer more help regarding # 1.

After my personal situation above here,  I found that swift action was needed to stop that individual who caused me

problems . It took time and a little money, lots of research, they had changed their name a few times, Intelius run downs on their background etc etc etc.....that is how I found they had a pending court case

and after I submitted testimony to the court  they Never bothered me again. And they  lost the court case...

They had harmed many  others as well.

 I can sue them under the internet libel/slander laws now, if they attempt to start trouble with me again. ...but they just crawled back under their rock and probably still troll here once in a while too..


You are enabling this person to hurt you and others every time you react to their calls or texts etc etc.






Edited by Berta
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Do you mean his VA claim has been awarded  and there is a large pending  retro?

Yes, I apologize I'm not very well versed in the terms used.

By apportionment, do you mean she has formally filed for apportionment with the VA

and the VA has denied her?


Is her attempt to have VA apportion the funds what is holding up his retro payment?

Yes, every time he goes to get the back pay and his current fund it is what his case worker calls "flagged," and held up.

What % of disability has VA awarded him.

90% although this may change depending on the new information once the thirty day observation is over with his heart. He is going to need surgery though.

He is the victim so he must handle this himself.

I want him to file a restraining order. I practically begged him. I think he's afraid of retribution, or ashamed. Or he just thinks she will go away eventually. He's tired and his medical condition isn't helping this. I can get records of calls and texts easily. He used to be an MP and states that a restraining order won't really do much. It's not going to stop her. She goes in bursts, she will leave us alone for a few months and then suddenly start up again. He gets frustrated after the first dozen calls and ends up picking up the phone. I've started to turn off my phone when she calls. She calls and it comes up as restricted. I attempted to have the phone company block restricted calls. They will but for an extra fee we simply can't afford. I'm changing my phone number next.

We're facing eviction because we can't afford everything on my pay alone. He had unemployment and then was working but he can't work anymore. We will find out when he needs surgery soon. However, the last time the doctors told him that if he doesn't get surgery in six months his heart will give out. He's young. I think all of this is just getting to him. I can understand why he shuts down sometimes.

On Monday he sees both a lawyer and a councilor. I'm trying to educate myself as best as I can to prepare for what may happen.

Yes, I do use facebook he does not. Although, all of my stuff and I do mean all of it, is set to friend's only. This is because I keep in touch with family members that are far away. This still doesn't explain how she was able to obtain phone numbers and names that aren't even associated with us. We do know that she has his SS number and has used it for several things according to his credit history.

She attempted to use his medical benefits when the baby was born but was denied. This was well after the divorce.

We are not married as of yet but I am on his DEERs. We wanted to get married before his surgery, just in case...

I feel like everything is out of our control. On Monday, I'm going to talk to him again about filing a restraining order. I don't want to push too hard but enough is enough.

Thank you for your response. Really, thank you.

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"On Monday he sees both a lawyer and a councilor." Great

I was surprised to read that he was exemption from child support, per a court decree.....

The VA is obligated in apportionment claims, to give divorced parents some rights. She probably got a lot of info from the VA itself.

"We are not married as of yet but I am on his DEERs"

I don't understand that but now I assume you live in a Common law state...???

"We wanted to get married before his surgery, just in case... "

If you mean' just in case 'he died, if you did not live in a common law state prior to the marriage, the marriage would have to have lasted at least one year prior to death, before the VA would pay any death benefits or DIC.

You ,and others you mentioned who were harassed by this woman can all file police reports.


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If you can do anything today, do it.  The sooner the better.  Call your local PD and make a report for her harrassing you, and your family.  They will have to do their own.  Even if the locals can't truly help you, they can certainly take an official complaint, and establish that paper trail.

Another thing to look at, if you haven't yet, is identity theft.  Since they are divorced, and she is still using his SSN to fraudulently open accounts, report it as identity theft. Report it to the credit monitoring companies, Trans Union, Equifax and whoever the other one is.

Also, contact the VA and speak to whomever you need to to report his impending homelessness via eviction.  Don't wait till tomorrow for that one.

Semper Fi

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He went to the VA again today. We're waiting on word about several loans he can apply for. We managed to wrangle up enough items for rent. Yes, Texas it's a common law state. No, he's not going to die if he gets the surgery. I'm being realistic but on that I will not accept. However, we want to get married... Yes, just in case. Besides it's a long recovery about a year. We just want to make sure... It's not about having me as a beneficiary. It's about me being able to make decisions if I must. I could care less about what happens with his VA funds, if he were ever to pass away. I can manage myself and what I need on my own, as far as finances go. However, I can't for the both of us.

I do want him to talk to the police. But that's a hard one. I mean, he used to be one it's going to take him a little bit to swallow his pride. We are going to report the identity theft though, thank you for the additional companies! I have talked him into our friends filing their own police reports, I want his previous employment to file as well. I don't want to push him. He's in a very delicate state right now. He can't take any medication. He has ventricle failure. Without surgery and without a device to regulate his heart beat, he will die.

I cringe when he wakes up screaming and flailing his arms. Yeah, he has PTSD as well. It's not good for his heart. None of this is.

Yesterday, I had to convince him not to get a job. He feels, well... Think about it. He was a soldier. He deployed several times. He was a cop. He's seeing a councilor on Monday. I'm really happy about it because with some of these things I can support and that's it. I wish I could make this all go away. He doesn't deserve any of this. Everyone makes mistakes but this, this is ludicrous.

As of right now, it appears that there are two different judges. One in this state and the other in the other state. Some how, some way they both ruled. Don't ask me how that happened but I have the paper work for it. One is pending, one is denied. 

His case worker states that he may have to see a judge. Which is fine because he has most of the paper work needed. Apparently, she can keep doing this. There is no limit on the amount of appeals she can file. I'm trying to still arm myself with knowledge. I've been reading up on the processes. Yes, I know I'm using all the incorrect terminology I apologize.

Yes, one judge denied because of the divorce decree. There's a statement she specifically wrote stating that she wants no funds from him and will not be seeking child support or alimony. Well, obviously she changed her mind...

On Monday we find out the next steps in this process.

Thank you both for your support and help. I hope to keep this entry updated.

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