Not sure where this goes, child support

[Simply_me]

My fiancee has been medically discharged from the Army services. We find out when he has heart surgery in a month. He finally filled for disability about two months ago. Everything went smoothly until he went to pick up the funds. He just found out his ex wife is trying to take his funds as child support. The problem is that she was pregnant shortly before their divorce. He was being stationed in another state and she refused to go with. He had to find out by mail that she was divorcing him. She's constantly harasses us. Text, phone calls, her friends you name it. She discovered my phone number and our friends and I have no idea how. At one point, when he went back to work part time she called his work.

Now, he can't work at all. He has a large amount of funds waiting for him. The divorce papers state that he is not responsible for the child, she made that point. She also made a point to call us continuously to demand money, insult him, and tell us that he will never see this child but he's going to pay for it. We think someone forged his signature on the birth certificate. He doesn't even know what hospital the child was born at. He was told today that she filed an apportionment but it was denied already. She keeps filing these. I have tried to research it but is there a point to where she can't file them anymore? He has his divorce papers on file. He has his residence listed as being a different state during the divorce and after. She wants him to have nothing to do with the child but wants money.

What can we do? We're at the point where he can't work but I can't afford to keep us afloat. We've been together for a little over a year now and she just won't stop. He admitted something to me a few months ago. During their relationship she was very abusive. If he argued she hit him or threw things at him sometimes resulting in stitches. He never reported it because well... Guys don't report this kind of thing. Female spousal abuse generally goes unreported.

A restraining order won't work because she's in a different state. About six months ago we turned off his phone because she wouldn't stop calling and reporting his phone as stolen. Somehow she got a hold of my number. Somehow she got a hold of my families numbers and some of our friends. We don't know what to do... Every time she calls she does nothing but scream insults at him. When he left his part time job we got a call from them stating that she wouldn't stop calling. And now? We're facing eviction and repossession because she won't stop filing...

I'm worried, in a month we find out when he will have his open heart surgery. It will take him three months to recover. In the meantime he can't take any medication. This is too much stress. He's a decorated Veteran. He pushed his body to do his job to the point of his heart breaking... And now this?

[Simply_me]

Oh, I haven't been added to his DEERS as of yet. It's in the process. However, apparently I qualify because we have a date set, I am his sole care provider, and he lives with me. I guess it's state regulations. Going to research a bit more. I may have found a loop hole, if his only sole income is his VA benefits/disability.

Again, thank you both!

[MCCFR97]

Berta and Andyman, that is good advice.  Simply_me, you said twice that the RO (Restraining Order) doesn't work and I can tell you that is not true.  I am a police officer and I have gone to a persons house in California and arrested them for violating an order from outside the county or state. Beside, as time goes on, if he has to go to court for any kind of claim on his benefits by her, the restraining order, any police reports, text messages, nasty emails will go directly against her in any kind of civil litigation and in some cases could be used as evidence in a criminal proceeding in some states (every state has rules of evidence).  Point is, you should be documenting ANY negative contact with her.  The paper work trail can only help instead of hurt.  It goes to his credibility and to her lack of credibility.

 

if you want to help him you should be documenting everything and let her hang herself, just sit back and feed her the rope...

[Andyman73]

MCCFR97,

I think the idea that the ROs don't work, is simply this, a piece of paper won't stop someone from committing a crime. Sure, it's useful afterwards, but until the person gets arrested, charged, convicted and sentenced, it's only paper.

A friend of one of my sisters in law, had an RO, and it was very useful.  The DA was able to use it to show that the person was not, and is not able or willing to be reformed.   The DA was able to use it because the Police showed up at her house, while her estranged husband was on top of her, on the front porch, strangling her.  The restraining order didn't keep her from being nearly strangled to death, nor did it stop the broken ribs, jaw, or fingers from being broken by him. On the other hand, she could have changed and upgraded the locks on the doors too, since she already knew his propensity for violence towards women.

Simply_me, file the order, track everything, talk to a lawyer, protect your Vet and yourself, and your family!

Semper Fi

[Simply_me]

Update: He finally filled a restraining order. I'm iffy about it working but it can't hurt. Also, she lives in another state I'm not too worried about physical violence. He now has a lawyer as well. I'm working on getting mobile phone records sent to me. Long story short, during my divorce three years ago my sister who lives in other state, up north, wanted to help. So, she sent me a free phone with her family plan. I have to go through her to get the records. I'd get another phone but I don't want to hurt her feelings. She feels bad enough that she is not able to visit me. Or vise versa.

He goes back on Monday to the VA, but it's pretty much a wait and see game now. In about a week we find out when his heart surgery is going to take place. Apparently, there is a loop hole though. She can't touch his funds if it is his sole income, which it is. I'm still fighting with him about not getting a job. Not until he heals from his surgery, which will take about a year.

The lawyer is checking up on the clearly illegal use of his SS number and identity theft. Apparently, she also used his medical several times well after the divorce. His phone company has been contacted and they are attempting to track down the times that she called in and reported his phone as stolen. We're also waiting on the phone records from that company as well.

Thank you everyone for your assistance!

[syne7]

On 5/13/2016 at 8:03 PM, Simply_me said:

1. The problem is that she was pregnant shortly before their divorce. He was being stationed in another state and she refused to go with. He had to find out by mail that she was divorcing him. She's constantly harasses us.

2. We think someone forged his signature on the birth certificate. He doesn't even know what hospital the child was born at. He was told today that she filed an apportionment but it was denied already.

3. She wants him to have nothing to do with the child but wants money.

4. What can we do?

1. Sorry to hear this painful situation.

2. Consider contesting the paternity.  The state will likely order a DNA paternity test.  Most states allow contest within a certain number of years (5 - 10).  If paternity is disproved, this will all go away.  This in my opinion is the cheapest and easiest solution.  Also, consider bringing charges of forgery.  If he was assigned in the military, you should also be able to prove that he was not in the state when the child was born and could not have signed the BC.  How old is the child?

3. Neither parent has the right to deny the child it's right to support from either parent.  If it his is child, he is legally and morally obligated to support it, regardless of visitation situation.  The visitation situation could be addressed in court or by petition should it be determined he is the father or you decide to leave the status quo (no contestant of paternity) then he will owe child support.

4.  Several items:

A. Contest paternity.
B. Get a dna test.
C. Level charges of forgery.
D. Contact the state and agency and establish he is not the father.  This will all go away quickly, if you establish he is not the father.

Hope this helps.