tdiu Violent to peaceful

[82airborne]

Hello everyone I'm back. How's it going. Good I hope far as my mind set it has changed. After years of counseling and anti psychotics I have realized violence isn't the answer to my problems. I can't lie these past years I have been pretty much in isolation I only leave home to go to the store or fishing. I still have violent thoughts but I don't feed into my thoughts. I'm still having nightmares man if y'all only knew how many CPAP machines I have destroyed in my sleep the number of times my girl have been hit by my in my sleep. I'm still one dizzy camper I guess from tinnitus. Hey after waking up do any of y'all have hallucinations I see a black spider  crawling around are a bunch of binary codes all over my room I can't lie all I love about life is fishing I have moved since last July away from friends and family I finally moved I wish I could have moved on the lake like a couple my old buddies on here but I live close to a bunch of lakes and I guess that's good enough. I still have major anxiety around to many people so pretty much all is the same only thing that has changed is my reaction time at first I use to attack first then think now I think before I attack which I don't attack no more I don't fight I don't even look people in the face and I try to tell everyone hello my violent days is over I won't squeeze my years of absence all in this one post but I have more to tell y'all I left I need some buddies who can relate with me ANG guess what I miss y'all kind words so here I am I do have some stressful stuff going on the va sent my tdiu or total disability to my old address so last month out of the blue they tell me that I'm getting paid for 90% and not at 100% total disability well of course I freaked out got dizzy and my thoughts was all over the place sooooo today is the first and guess what they cut my cash by 1200 dollars unexpectedly bills will go unpaid credit will start to deteriorate starting today I went to the office on the 17th of this month hoping that I could fill the right paperwork out that they sent to the wrong address hoping this stop them from cutting my cash noooooooope it didn't I am officially screwed as of today bouncing back from moving my family to the high desert away from the inner city drama into my new quiet place but yup normally I would have a violent reaction and have crazy violent thoughts and threats but nope I am calm I am mad but not violent I will try to solve this situation with niceness and calmness I have realized its no civilian FUALT that this has happened so this is where I'm at happy fourth y'all I'm back for now ???

[82airborne]

9 minutes ago, Buck52 said:

IMO (Independent Medical Opinion) usually from a specialist Dr in the field of medicine that treats your type of disability.

We don't know what your disability is?

The VA Medical records could help too if you been getting treatment there? if you get a DRO Hearing  you need to let them know your disability has not improved and let them know your reason you never sent in the 21-4140-1 Employment Questioner. or Missed  a C&P Exam....  you do this with evidence like medical records and lay statements from family and friends.

Also let them know it will be hardship on you and your family  to stop/cut your 100% disability benefits.

Thanx

[82airborne]

PTSD major depression 70% then back knees and osteoarthritis 50% I am 90% service connected

[Buck52]

Ok on 90%combined rating   & I assume he VA used the extra=schedular to rate you IU and pay you at the 100% rate? because your S.C. Disabilities keeps you from finding gainful employment.

What exactly is your question?

[82airborne]

No question I'm just here venting also thanx for all your info it was helpful

[82airborne]

Hey good morning world yesterday I caught three catfish the lake close at 4:30 I caught all three of my fish between 4-4:30 like a pro I almost got skunked well I will be going this morning I'm hoping everyone is in Vegas and I can fish by my lonely it feels good to let go of violent actions and thoughts and just attempt to live in peace fishing is about the only thing that gets me out of my room of isolation it's crazy I see people in groups laughing with their friends and I wonder how can I get back to that life of HAPINnESS around people just being able to relax and laugh and joke without violent thoughts appearing in the corner of my mind but no matter what happens to me I thank God for allowing me to get this far in life to experience being in a peaceful place I'm at the point in life where I avoid violence and anything that may trigger it I changed my phone number and moved guess what only about ten people have my number so guess what I get no phone calls and I love it I'm hoping to catch my limit of five catfish today since my little cash been cut it will be less food in the house so it looks like if I don't catch these fish I might not have dinner ??? but it's all a learning experience and what I have learned over the years is kindness will work better than violence haaaaaaaa at least I hope I'm just here venting passing time until I get to the lake hope all y'all have a safe and wonderful holiday and may God bless us all ???

[82airborne]

I can't lie I think I'm going to the hospital and admit myself in the hospital