Please tell me this is worth it

[megtwils]

OEF female vet here just starting the process of my PTSD/MST and Tinnitus claims.  

I'm gonna be really honest here : For many years I didn't file anything because I felt guilty filing claims next to soldiers missing limbs and suffering from TBI and other horrors.  At the urging of a fellow friend and vet, I've started the process and have quickly gone from feeling guilty to becoming a total trainwreck.  I met with a VSO last week and have slowly started working on my statement and I feel like a giant hole has been ripped open and everything is spilling over.  It's affecting my job, my family, everything.  I am having panic attacks and crying uncontrollably off and on.  I really am shocked at what is coming out.  I thought the two years of private therapy immediately after my deployment was enough. Did anyone else feel the same way?

Please tell me that putting myself/family through this and reliving these traumas, coupled with the tedious maze of claim do's and don'ts is truly worth it?  I think I may need to start counseling again to get through this.

Thanks. 

[GeekySquid]

On 10/9/2018 at 10:28 AM, megtwils said:

just starting the process of my PTSD/MST and Tinnitus claims.  

@megtwils

PTSD was not a "Thing" when I got out, we were told to 'man up". The VA refused to help me, and I had to cope the only way I could figure out how to. Now decades later my path is set in cement. Don't let the happen to you.

PTSD and MST share a trait in that they can "hide" or be "hidden" for decades, or at least we think we are hiding them. What we don't see/know/realize is that they don't stay hidden and in most cases sneak out an express themselves in how we react, behave, and respond to every day life, and that is rarely pretty. Those closest to us may not even realize something is "off" with our behavior simply because they are so close.. that old adage about not seeing the forest because of the trees.

Our emotions and reactions can stay buried for decades but sometime, someday a barely related comment or event can trigger them to come flooding out.

I just had an experience in a grocery store with a woman I had never met. She worked there, and I asked her a question. Which led to another question and then I commented that the store had set aside parking spaces for Veterans. This led to a conversation about my being a veteran and that her husband had been in the service 30 years ago. Out of nowhere she started to cry and her face went ashy.

I asked her what as wrong and just our talking about their being on base 30 years ago dredged up a situation that happened to her on base 30 years before. She was bullied and physically attacked on station by her husbands coworkers when he was sent out on training. She is black he is white, and the good old boys on base found that to be enough reason to physically and psychologically abuse her, even their wives joined in to make sure she knew what her place was and what they thought of her/them.

They got out and fled to the farthest corner of the U.S. away from South Carolina they could get and still be in the contiguous states. She put it behind her for 30 years, but her limited and short conversation with me about being a veteran pulled up all those old emotions.

Her reactions were too sudden and intense to be anything but a flash back to those events; there was nothing contrived in her tears, body language or words. She had never spoken of the situation once they left South Carolina. I suggested she get counseling to work out the issues.

I make that same recommendation to you. MST and PTSD only get worse if you don't deal with them head on. The longer you have waited, and I speak from experience, the more difficult it can be. I am rate 100% SC P&T for PTSD and without going into details my life has had some very serious problems and limitations.

Suggestions for you:

Don't rely on your VSO doing the paperwork or getting it right.

Turn yourself into an expert on the VA, procedures and lingo. They are very different that the rest of the world in many ways.

Get your C-File if you haven't and print out every page. Search this forum for how to organize that information. It is important for your Caluza Triangle and in case you have to file a Notice of Disagreement (NOD) about the outcomes of the rating decision.

If they rate you at say 30 or 50% or something, and you feel they low-balled you, file the NOD. After you filed the claim, bone up on NOD's and what is required. Prepare yourself by learning the information you already have to use to refute their decision.

Learn what the DBQ;s are for your rated conditions, learn the very specific phrases that the C&P examiner must put in their evaluation for you to get the different rating percentages.

Don't make the mistake of being polite or putting on your best face when you talk to the counselors and the C&P examiners.

You don't get points for "dealing with it" on your own.

When you are asked about your conditions relate the worst situations, not the average ones, that you experience.

for example they will ask you if you are depressed or get depressed and how often. Think about it carefully, have you ever just been unable to get out of your robe, take a shower, brush your teeth, answer the phone for days or weeks on end? Or have you had to fight off the overwhelming desire to do just that but life didn't let you?

If that is true for you they will ask how often it happens. If it only happens 1 every couple years, you don't have a rateable depression based on that behavior (maybe on other behaviors just not that example). If it happens monthly or cyclically every couple months then you have a mental health issue and may be clinically depressed. Help the Docs diagnosis you correctly by telling them the true state of being and the really bad times/things/feelings. 

Do you ever go through cycles of being really energized for days or weeks at a time, and then crash into depressed slug states? like the above how long and how often that happens is very important to your diagnosis and your Service Connected (SC) Rating percentage.

you don't get points for dealing with it on your own!!!!! so don't try and minimize it or seem strong. Admit that you try to be strong, just don't hide the worst situations from the counselors and C&P examiners.

These conditions are/can be what are called Secondary to a Primary Diagnosis. Somethings are just documented to occur with different Primary Diagnosis. For PTSD Depression, Major Depressive syndrome, Chronic depression, Bi-Polar condition, and Manic Depression are just some of the Secondary conditions that affect your diagnosis and rating.

All of this stuff is here in these forums. Read, learn, ask questions. be prepared. You are your own best advocate at this stage. If you have to get a lawyer later on so be it, but now you need to work to be the best advocate for yourself you can be, your VSO may or may not be a good one.

For example some VSO's will argue that you should NOT file a disagreement with the raters because that will make them reduce your award. That is total B.S. and you should get rid of that VSO.

Keep coming here, posting questions and providing updates. Every veteran on this board is in your corner.

 

 

 

 

[EgregiousError]

I held off because I was scared the VA research into my claim would trigger re-opening the criminal investigation that destroyed my career and life. It might not seem rational, but neither was the handling of my original case. I wanted to be 100% sure that my family would not endure another round of harassment from NCIS  and Navy brass.  Opening that can of worms, (after years essentially in hiding, seeking treatment under pseudonyms with organizations known not to cooperate with authorities) I ended up on the verge of hospitalization repeatedly.  The fact is, trusting the system "this time" is absolutely making me feel worse.  BUT I did it. I filed a very methodical claim that included the original police report (traumatic event), my psych treatment records in service (evidence of service connection), pages from my  military and civilian medical records referencing the trauma (along with a release and reference dates so they could request the entire records for quick review if desired), a recent Nexus letter from the Vet Center (with current diagnosis, impairments, and statement linking them to service). For good measure, I included my rapist's latest sentencing transcript and highlighted where he was required to "admit to facts" for his plea bargain. It included that he'd committed several rapes of women and children, including while on active duty, though he was never prosecuted for mine. In my statement, I explained why I waited, what my fears were, why I included the sentencing report, and what my life is like today. I submitted in March 2018, did my C&P exams 3 weeks later, then waited. In spite of the 17 year delay between exiting the service and filing, I was granted 70% for PTSD in 6 months (in mid September 2018). But, that wasn't all. The rater kept my claim open, requesting further DBQs for anxiety, depression, and OCD secondary to the PTSD, and sent me a request to file for unemployability.  I have submitted the forms they requested, along with statements from my two most recent employers and my last 3 W2 forms (demonstrating I barely made $6k in the last 3 years combined). I expected an answer to this in six months to a year, per my DAV rep's past experiences. I just checked and the unemployability and additional ratings have been decided. I do not know the outcome, I will have to visit my rep for him to check the system. Even if denied, I know that this process was decidedly less painful than I expected it would be. I honestly questioned if I could survive being denied or getting under-rated like so many MST survivors are. As a precaution, I'm in counseling, twice a week and am being urged to consider inpatient treatment or attending some kind of retreat program. Is it worth it? It will depend what your goals are. I can't hold a job, keep getting banned by civilian shrinks, and have been threatened with losing Tricare coverage because of incidents at military treatment facilities.  I don't think the VA can fix me, but I kind of feel like they're finally taking responsibility for breaking me. That is worth it for me.

[GeekySquid]

3 minutes ago, EgregiousError said:

I just checked and the unemployability and additional ratings have been decided. I do not know the outcome,

First and foremost I am sad you had such experiences. No one deserves that.

One suggestion to find out the "status" and outcome of your TDIU and other ratings is to go look on Ebenefits at your letters section.

If you are 100% schedular or 100% TDIU, you will see a letter that gives you commissary privileges and to get a base ID to use that facility. This letter only generates under those two conditions and since they don't include any financial or extra information they tend to promulgate faster then other letters and even the BBE and official notice. 

So if your VSO is not reachable or does not see the outcome yet in your file, check E Benefits Letters.

As a reminder the other stuff in Ebenefits may not be completely reliable or up to date,  but if that letter appears it does mean the decision has been made in your favor.

Someone else may have information about the timeline for it to appear verses the arrival of the BBE, but in general it should show up quicker.

My own bump up to 100% saw my letters update a full month before I got the BBE, or in my case the BWE with the rating decision.

I would also ask your VSO to get you a copy of the DBQ, Raters qualifications and the request sent for the DBQ, and don't forget the final decision. You want print copies of these as soon as possible in case you need to file a NOD.

You also need to make sure you get your C-File, or the latest copy of your C-File. If you are on MyHealthyVet download all the data in your Blue Button File. Set a custom range to a date BEFORE you went to the VA until today. That will pull in all the data they have made available to you. do the same for the electronic images they have under a different option.

Good luck and i hope you don't have to file a NOD for any of your claims, just get yourself prepared. gather all the information you can as soon as you can. research the proper and effective ways to file a NOD.

 

[EgregiousError]

6 minutes ago, GeekySquid said:

First and foremost I am sad you had such experiences. No one deserves that.

One suggestion to find out the "status" and outcome of your TDIU and other ratings is to go look on Ebenefits at your letters section.

Thank you.  No one deserved it, but it was done with astonishing regularity and was normalized with use of things like the McDowell Checklist, which is still in use today. There is a special place in hell for that man and all his contemporaries and apologists. I find solace in knowing I will have an opportunity to spit on his grave. (a wee bit passionate about it. lol)
For me, the DAV is much quicker than e-benefits.  When I got my first rating they notified me a full 3 weeks before the VA letter or changes in e-benefits.  When I got my dependency approved, they called five days before I saw it on e-bennies.  The sign that e-benefits is about to catch up to DAV, in my case, has always been in my bank account. I'm going to swing by on my way to the VA today. 

[Buck52]

I got out in 71

spent 2 years in Vietnam...ok during my seperation in Oakland Ca...all I did was going around the different areas that was on my chart for the Sgt or Officer s  to put a check mark on  to be cleared..I had a quick hearing test  which I do not remember doing it but its in my records  anyway I never was claiming anything back at this time..but I was never informed about anything as for as any disabilitys if I had any? I didn't have anything wrong with me and I was just excited to go home..

.nowdays they make sure the Veteran that is getting out they give all kinds of information on your health if you have anything wrong  hearing problems,Feet problems ,back problems, and any otherphyiscal problems what so ever ..or any mental health problems.

As for as I know us old Vietnam dogs never had that opportunity ..Had I know what I know now  I would have my 20 year protection rule in place  even 30 year.

I finally filed on m hearing loss b/c it got to where I couldn't hear a damn thing, my spouse was always telling me to get my hearing check mt mom did too my step dad did to my father-in-law did to and said he would pay for the test  ect,,ect,, buy me some hearing aids...one thing that made me take note about my hearing loss and get out of the  frame of mind my hearing is ok  its all you guys ...I was working for an oil company  Exxon. and we made the drill pipes that they get oil out of the ground with   these pipes a veay heavy and long differenrt feet ect,,ect,, the only way to Handel them is by over head cranes  one day I was walking through the shop and a over head crane mal-function and would not stop it was out of control, I was standing in the way as this crane with 3 of those heavy drill pipes came toward me  the guys hollaring at me but I didn't hear them   as the crane got within inches of me  one of my fellow workers ran over and tackled me  as fast as he could as the crane almost got me  if those pipes would have hit me  I'd be dead now...I never heard them yelling screaming at me to get out of the way..the co working saved my life that day  All because OF my bad hearing  I was let go after that incident 

Anyway I went to the VA and this is when I started my claims  and was declared server profound hearing loss in both hears  with tinnitus  from Noise induced Noise  this was in 1998..took me 4 years to settle my claims...they inferred the TDIU P&T 

ALso I hid my behavior for years  my avoidness and always wanting to be alone and not never go with the family for outings or get to-gathers like at Christmas or Thanksgiving  or even birthdays  I was numb to everything and everyone  I was jumpy I didn't trust anyone and was very cautions of people...I felt numb to things than should made me happy///I had that old Mental Bent Brain they call PTSD and I was ashamed of it  and hid it for years years...Until I finally went to seek help.

diagnose 70%chronic combat PTSD.

Thats about all I have to say about this.

Edited October 23, 2018 by Buck52

[vetquest]

I got out in 86 and was discharged as fully healthy; due to a disability with an RE3 code.  The Navy (USMC) really pulled a number on me.  The VA added insult to injury claiming I was a hypochondriac.  

I am now USMC Retired and 100% scheduler P&T.

Edited October 23, 2018 by Buck52