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Please tell me this is worth it

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megtwils

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OEF female vet here just starting the process of my PTSD/MST and Tinnitus claims.  

I'm gonna be really honest here : For many years I didn't file anything because I felt guilty filing claims next to soldiers missing limbs and suffering from TBI and other horrors.  At the urging of a fellow friend and vet, I've started the process and have quickly gone from feeling guilty to becoming a total trainwreck.  I met with a VSO last week and have slowly started working on my statement and I feel like a giant hole has been ripped open and everything is spilling over.  It's affecting my job, my family, everything.  I am having panic attacks and crying uncontrollably off and on.  I really am shocked at what is coming out.  I thought the two years of private therapy immediately after my deployment was enough. Did anyone else feel the same way?

Please tell me that putting myself/family through this and reliving these traumas, coupled with the tedious maze of claim do's and don'ts is truly worth it?  I think I may need to start counseling again to get through this.

Thanks. 

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  • HadIt.com Elder

Vetquest

what year did you first file your claims that your S.C. AT 100% P&T Today? i

if it took you 10 years  to win and your claim was filed at that time  that could be your EED..

But if they went by the date your disability/condition first arose  they can use that date too  and it might put you close to the 20 year protection rule!!!

you should check on that.

I still have 3 years left on mine  I was awarded TDIU P&T IN 2002  BUT i FILED MY CLAIMS IN 1998...I had thought my EED was 1998  but its the 2002 award date  2002 I  was 50% then increase 40% to a  90% combined rating  hench the IU. BUT IN 2014 I WAS Awarded 70%FOR Chronic PTSD  which I had ever since I got out but I was did not want to admit to it...but it just got worse and worse I could no longer hide it   I was just ashame to admit I had a mental problem for years  once I opened up & mention it to my PCP  She sent me to M.H.  that lifted a big burden off my shoulders.

  I am now in CPT Therapy  ..I been in therapy ever since I was diagnosed. in 2014.

Anyway my point is that 70% Made me 100% scheduler and  met the criteria for 2 SMC'S  -S H.B.  & K 

My 20 year protection won't come until 3 more years  2021

Which the 20 year protection seems like a life time to worry about rather or not the VA will try to reduce.  eh! We should not have to worry with that...Ms Tbird got her 20 year protection in a couple years ago and she said what a Releif that is.  I can't wait for mine.

I could file a OSA (sleep apnea) claim but no more $$ in it for me...so why go through all the stress.

I think I'm done.

Edited by Buck52
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On 10/21/2018 at 12:08 AM, GeekySquid said:

@megtwils

PTSD was not a "Thing" when I got out, we were told to 'man up". The VA refused to help me, and I had to cope the only way I could figure out how to. Now decades later my path is set in cement. Don't let the happen to you.

PTSD and MST share a trait in that they can "hide" or be "hidden" for decades, or at least we think we are hiding them. What we don't see/know/realize is that they don't stay hidden and in most cases sneak out an express themselves in how we react, behave, and respond to every day life, and that is rarely pretty. Those closest to us may not even realize something is "off" with our behavior simply because they are so close.. that old adage about not seeing the forest because of the trees.

Our emotions and reactions can stay buried for decades but sometime, someday a barely related comment or event can trigger them to come flooding out.

I just had an experience in a grocery store with a woman I had never met. She worked there, and I asked her a question. Which led to another question and then I commented that the store had set aside parking spaces for Veterans. This led to a conversation about my being a veteran and that her husband had been in the service 30 years ago. Out of nowhere she started to cry and her face went ashy.

I asked her what as wrong and just our talking about their being on base 30 years ago dredged up a situation that happened to her on base 30 years before. She was bullied and physically attacked on station by her husbands coworkers when he was sent out on training. She is black he is white, and the good old boys on base found that to be enough reason to physically and psychologically abuse her, even their wives joined in to make sure she knew what her place was and what they thought of her/them.

They got out and fled to the farthest corner of the U.S. away from South Carolina they could get and still be in the contiguous states. She put it behind her for 30 years, but her limited and short conversation with me about being a veteran pulled up all those old emotions.

Her reactions were too sudden and intense to be anything but a flash back to those events; there was nothing contrived in her tears, body language or words. She had never spoken of the situation once they left South Carolina. I suggested she get counseling to work out the issues.

I make that same recommendation to you. MST and PTSD only get worse if you don't deal with them head on. The longer you have waited, and I speak from experience, the more difficult it can be. I am rate 100% SC P&T for PTSD and without going into details my life has had some very serious problems and limitations.

Suggestions for you:

Don't rely on your VSO doing the paperwork or getting it right.

Turn yourself into an expert on the VA, procedures and lingo. They are very different that the rest of the world in many ways.

Get your C-File if you haven't and print out every page. Search this forum for how to organize that information. It is important for your Caluza Triangle and in case you have to file a Notice of Disagreement (NOD) about the outcomes of the rating decision.

If they rate you at say 30 or 50% or something, and you feel they low-balled you, file the NOD. After you filed the claim, bone up on NOD's and what is required. Prepare yourself by learning the information you already have to use to refute their decision.

Learn what the DBQ;s are for your rated conditions, learn the very specific phrases that the C&P examiner must put in their evaluation for you to get the different rating percentages.

Don't make the mistake of being polite or putting on your best face when you talk to the counselors and the C&P examiners.

You don't get points for "dealing with it" on your own.

When you are asked about your conditions relate the worst situations, not the average ones, that you experience.

for example they will ask you if you are depressed or get depressed and how often. Think about it carefully, have you ever just been unable to get out of your robe, take a shower, brush your teeth, answer the phone for days or weeks on end? Or have you had to fight off the overwhelming desire to do just that but life didn't let you?

If that is true for you they will ask how often it happens. If it only happens 1 every couple years, you don't have a rateable depression based on that behavior (maybe on other behaviors just not that example). If it happens monthly or cyclically every couple months then you have a mental health issue and may be clinically depressed. Help the Docs diagnosis you correctly by telling them the true state of being and the really bad times/things/feelings. 

Do you ever go through cycles of being really energized for days or weeks at a time, and then crash into depressed slug states? like the above how long and how often that happens is very important to your diagnosis and your Service Connected (SC) Rating percentage.

you don't get points for dealing with it on your own!!!!! so don't try and minimize it or seem strong. Admit that you try to be strong, just don't hide the worst situations from the counselors and C&P examiners.

These conditions are/can be what are called Secondary to a Primary Diagnosis. Somethings are just documented to occur with different Primary Diagnosis. For PTSD Depression, Major Depressive syndrome, Chronic depression, Bi-Polar condition, and Manic Depression are just some of the Secondary conditions that affect your diagnosis and rating.

All of this stuff is here in these forums. Read, learn, ask questions. be prepared. You are your own best advocate at this stage. If you have to get a lawyer later on so be it, but now you need to work to be the best advocate for yourself you can be, your VSO may or may not be a good one.

For example some VSO's will argue that you should NOT file a disagreement with the raters because that will make them reduce your award. That is total B.S. and you should get rid of that VSO.

Keep coming here, posting questions and providing updates. Every veteran on this board is in your corner.

 

 

 

 

I’m very humbled by your lengthy reply and insight/advice. I had a mental collapse last week and finally surrendered to the fact I can’t do this alone. I opened up to my husband and mother and they are helping me get additional counseling through the local Vet Center. I started the “intake” process and I’m putting my claim on hold for a bit while I get help.

I wish everything was streamlined and I could go through this once and be done (and not have to likely reiterate and relive the details in my C & P exam), but I understand now that maybe that’s what needs to happen as part of opening this wound and facing it. 

This has taken me to some pretty dark, gnarly places and I have a strong support system and much to live for. I cannot imagine less fortunate vets and I’m so grateful for the support on forums like this. 

Thank you.

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I filed my first claim November 1986 and it took ten years before I was awarded 50% PTSD.  This after being diagnosed with no fewer than seven different personality disorders.  100% UI was filed in 2007, with a request for service connection of neuropathy.  Ten years later I was declared 100% P&T.  So I am only at ten years.  I am filing an EED for that ten years on SMC K.  They can attempt to reduce me but I am 80% for neuropathy and that does not get better. 

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By the time I got out I was so severely traumatized that I wanted nothing to do with my time in the Navy, even filing a claim with the VA was a no go for me, I wanted to distance myself from that experience as much as possible.  It took 3-4 years after I got out before my husband convinced me to file a claim. When I did it was very hard on me emotionally. It opened up wounds that I wasn’t ready to deal with and really halted any progress I had made in therapy.  I honestly do not know how I survived the last year and a half of my service, it literally was hell, and had I not had my son I know I would have ended my life. 

That said, I completely understand.  One thing I’ve learned is that not all disabilities are as visible as others and that doesn’t make the less visible ones any less serious. Do not cut yourself short. If the military caused you injury, whether physical or mental, than recieving VA disability is your right.  I really hope that your case will move smoothly, but I recommend being ready to battle.  I wasn’t when I first filed, and I almost walked away after my first denial, but then I met another vet at a concealed carry class, and for reasons I can’t explain I let everything out.  He directed me to a VA rep who helped him and after that things started rolling.  My claims are not done however, as I have a review of my mental health (50%) still in the process and I’m still waiting for my RO to implement my SMC-L A&A rating recently granted by the BVA. 

Hang in there.  It Will be worth it in the end, and you have this amazing support group here to help you along the journey. 

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I waited roughly 3 years to seek help for mst and was granted 70% with no denials. By the grace of God there was evidence in my service record. Just don't give up and focus on finding ways to heal yourself. The therapy never really helped me much. Focusing on my son and time is what helped me. 

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  • HadIt.com Elder

11cvolley Congratulations on your 70%.although I recommend you keep going to the therapy ...although you can't really tell if its helping  but give it time  it may take a while  but someday you will start to see a difference.

Although I was not a MST Victim Thank God but a as a combat PTSD Veteran I have my MH Problems as well as any other combat PTSD Veteran.

.I too have problems in therapy understanding the physiologic part of it. how our beliefs of  thoughts and feelings and reality being mixed in , it is some what confusing for a lot of us.  so I keep going to therapy hoping to understand all this better.

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