Va disability & C&P question regarding veteran with suicide risk

[Lagin02]

So my husband is going though the VA disability process. He began treatment in April doing CPT which aggravated his symptoms immensely. In May, he was fired from the job he has held for 8 years. In June, he was put on disability leave from his National Guard unit after command became aware of his suicide risk and they have mandated that he continues the therapy which is only making the situation worse. He has been in for 15 years and most likely will be medically chaptered out which has worsened his depression significantly. Due to his suicidal thoughts I am trying to manage this financial crisis as best I can because I’m afraid he is being pushed over the edge. He just stares off into space and sits in our basement. I filed for VA disability at the beginning of June because prior to all this he was our only source of income. I left my job a couple months before he was fired because my income was not enough to cover daycare after our son was born. I can’t leave him alone with the kids in the state he is in right now. I payed off our bills for a couple months with our savings but we only have a month left before we will be homeless. I also expedited his claim due to financial hardship in June. His claim seems open and shut to me. He did is C&P exam in July 31st but the VA still haven’t received the report (it was a VA doctor that did it not a contractor).  I called on Thursday to ask where it is and was told “it’s not ready yet” by the office where it was conducted. 

My understanding is you must prove three things:

The stressor:

His stressor occurred in Iraq in 2007. There was a CID investigation due to the circumstances around the event and there are still people in his unit that were in Iraq with him and knew what happened. I don’t want to write details because it would defeat the purpose of confidentiality but there is no denying that it was extremely traumatic and involved death and serious injury of service members in a small convoy. I also have a memorandum signed by the commander sending my husband to the combat stress unit in Iraq after the incident when he became suicidal. In my mind there is no denying the stressor. 

A current diagnosis: 

He is currently under treatment for PTSD at the VA doing CPT and is on medication. His team wants him to do an in-patient program in Chicago but as it stands with our impending homelessness, it just isn’t an opinion right now. 

The Nexus: 

He marked off symptoms of ptsd on his demobilization paperwork and stated he encountered stressors. In his periodic health assessment 6-month and also 1 year follow-ups for his Iraq deployment it shows he endorsed every symptom of PTSD and one Depression question. He was supposed to be referred to mental health according to this form but for whatever reason it slipped through the cracks. His current treatment is focused on the events that occurred during his first deployment. 

I called the VA homeless assistance line and was told that they will place my husband in transitional housing but me and our children (6-month-old and 9-years-old) will need to “find somewhere else to go.” I called the White House VA line and was told “I am so sorry but I don’t know what else I can tell you to do” His ebenifits portal broke 6 weeks ago due to duplicate files and was supposed to be fixed 3 weeks ago but is still broken. I have called veteran resources but all in our area require we have a “resolution” if they assist which we don’t because I don’t know if or when he will start to improve. 

So if your still with me, I have a couple questions: 

How long does it take for the doctor to send a C&P exam? Is it normal that it wouldn’t be don’t weeks after the exam? 

What are the chances that this will be resolved before the end of September when we will be homeless? If we do become homeless how do we follow up with the case with no address? 

Will the transitional housing be able to make sure he doesn’t follow through with his suicidal thoughts? I’m afraid that separating our family and having to toss everything we have build over the last 10 years will push him over the edge and I won’t be there to make sure he is okay. 

Is there anything else I can or should be doing? 

Is there any chance he could get better soon? Like it gets really bad but than starts then better? He has a bachelor’s degree and if he stops staring off into space and having these episodes he could get a job paying good money or I can work and he can watch the kids. I can’t imagine throwing everything we own in a dumpster, having my family torn apart, and taking my kids to a homeless shelter. I don’t even know how to explain it to my 9-year-old. He always struggled but at least he was functioning by numbing everything and isolation prior to opening this can of worms. We were financially comfortable so I just don’t understand how things got so bad so fast.

[Lagin02]

1 hour ago, Berta said:

I am praying for you and your family. I owe so much to Vietnam Veterans and those with PTSD sure taught me a lot

Thank you so much! I do sincerely appreciate it! I think we all owe a great deal of gratitude  to our Vietnam Vets. They endured hell and then came home to a ungrateful country. People can disagree all they want with the reasons a war is fought but that is a matter to take up with our politicians. The men and woman who fought, bled, and died for us did not get to choose the conflict. 

[GeekySquid]

23 minutes ago, Lagin02 said:

Well when you put it like that... I didn’t make the connection between the stigma and the shame. ...Why I let myself have any concern over what people who don’t even know me think is a bit irrational. 

yes it is irrational and more than just a bit. It is also common in American Society to feel those things because we build up false values of what we believe others should think about us. Keeping up with the Jones is the mildest part of this social problem.

I understand dysfunctional families and being the most competent in the family. That does not mean I don't need help too. In fact it is more reason for me to get help to make sure I don't jump down the toilet my relatives live in. I had to build a support system and let those that would drag me down the sewer go out of my life. You can CHOSE YOUR FAMILY despite all the Hallmark cards and platitudes. Pick those who will support and help you and who you can do that for. Blood means nothing beyond sharing DNA.

I am an old, fat, over-educated white dude and I have a big mouth. I resemble Colonel Sanders and I am from the South. When I get angry my speech slows down to snails pace and my drawl is thick as molasses. Some people who look at me assume that I am one of the stereotypical bigots from the old south. Those people usually freak out when they find out I am not what they imagine. I am not politically correct in any way, shape, or form. I have intentionally or unintentionally insulted every possible group on the planet, including those I am a member of.

I DON'T FREAKING CARE what other people think or assume about me.

I had to learn to not care, and it took a good person metaphorically knocking some sense into me to come to that realization.

I can be mean as cat shit when trying to make my point. If i hurt someones feelings by being blunt that is a them problem not a geekysquid problem.

34 minutes ago, Lagin02 said:

1) I didn’t mean to make it sound like I wasn’t taking that seriously.

2) I can handle bad things happening to me, it’s watching the ones I’m supposed to take care of be hurt and be helpless to make it better that causes me the most stress. 

3) I know his therapist mentioned that I could also attend individual therapy at the VA.

4) It’s just a matter of childcare right now

5) and my son is still nursing so I can’t really leave him.

6) Once this all gets sorted, I’ll figure out what I need to do to get that set up. 

1) I hope you do take me seriously. I am a stranger on the Internet begging you to get the support and help you need in the Real World. Nothing more. We will never meet, never talk on the phone and never send emails back and for begging for money. I have no dog in your fight.

Yet I am still begging you, for your own well being, to get help and get it as soon as you can.

2) This is as much ego as reality. You have selected yourself to be Atlas and carry the weight of the world (your world) on your shoulders. You don't have to fall apart, but let others (support system that you build) carry some of the load some of the time.

3) take his therapists suggestion to heart. get that therapy.

4) Childcare is valid...in the short term. If you are still using that reason in six months it has become an excuse to avoid doing what is the best thing for yourself and your family. See the ego comment.

5) Your therapist and or group will not be offended by a nursing child. If they are they are not the right people to support you. While I am not a fan of those who want to sit in a White linen table cloth restaurant and flop out a boob to feed junior over Pinot and Chateaubriand, in a semi-private session like therapy or group it is perfectly acceptable.

6) Six months. no more. get it done!!!!!!!

Internet Grandpa has spoken!!!!

[Lagin02]

3 minutes ago, Berta said:

None of that helped my husband's problems. He threatened me many times and he had weapons.The last time he was still at the VA and I begged his doctor to admit him to the psychiatric ward. The doctor refused.Then I called the director who also refused to admit him.Then I called my congressman, and then they,the director and the doctor  ran all over the VAMC looking for him and even had him paged and found him just as the DAV van pulled up to bring him home.

I am so sorry this happened to you! There should definitely be more resources for the family as everyone in the household is impacted by this disorder. In situations where violence is involved the safety of all people in the home should matter and I don’t think the VA sees it that way. 

 

6 minutes ago, Berta said:

This spouse is going through more than we know.Many of us go though far more than we should deal with.

I’ve pretty much barred my soul on this forum. I agree that it isn’t fair that it falls to us to deal with the collateral damage that the military causes. My family has been devastated by this but I include my husband in that. 

 

12 minutes ago, Berta said:

Shame is a symptom  that abuse victims have.They can actually believe it is all their fault, if they are the blame target.

I don’t view myself as the victim or the one to blame. I blame the military. I blame them for ignoring his PHA when he came home where he marked off symptoms of PTSD and for providing zero support when he came home. He didn’t even have medical insurance 30 days after returning from a combat zone. 

[GeekySquid]

43 minutes ago, Lagin02 said:

Unfortunately he is mandated to attend therapy by his unit command.

They can make him go to counseling they cannot mandate a specific type of therapy program.

[Lagin02]

1 hour ago, paulstrgn said:

As you can see Langin02...everyone above cares for you and your families well being. This comes from caring, as veterans we care about our brothers and sisters, no one wants to see anyone hurting. We know that the family of the veteran can hurt and suffer as much as the veteran does. But always remember as veterans we are always there for our fellow veterans (spouses are just as much the veteran as the veteran themselves). We want to see you and your family safe and free from worry. 

Remember you are never alone for your family of veterans are there to assist you as much as possible. Please get the care you and your family need.

That is abundantly clear! I am amazed by the outpouring of support and concern the people on this thread have shown. Thank you so much! 

[Berta]

I hope that whole last post I made was deleted---I tried to delete most of it right away-

I said too much about how PTSD affected us all here. It got worse after the VA caused my husband to have a major stroke.

This is funny now but at the time it was true- in my case- the first time I met my husband's PTSD doctor,he identified himself as Dr. -------, ---the Employee Psychologist for the Bath NY VA.

My husband was still in the hallway talking to his secretary and could not hear us,  so ,as I shook the Drs hand, I said " and I am Berta Simmons, ---the Blame Target." We both laughed

However the VA gave me therapy as well, and it did help to some degree-

I am glad you do not consider yourself as any blame target at all.And you are right- PTSD is never the fault of the veteran or anyone else.

I believe your posts here and the great amount of encouragement and support here from everyone ( plus the prayers) has helped others reading it as quests in hyperspace,who might sure being dealing with similar issues.