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  • 14 Questions about VA Disability Compensation Benefits Claims

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    When a Veteran starts considering whether or not to file a VA Disability Claim, there are a lot of questions that he or she tends to ask. Over the last 10 years, the following are the 14 most common basic questions I am asked about ...
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  • Can a 100 percent Disabled Veteran Work and Earn an Income?

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    You’ve just been rated 100% disabled by the Veterans Affairs. After the excitement of finally having the rating you deserve wears off, you start asking questions. One of the first questions that you might ask is this: It’s a legitimate question – rare is the Veteran that finds themselves sitting on the couch eating bon-bons … Continue reading

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    • How to get your questions answered...


      All VA Claims questions should be posted on our forums. Read the forums without registering, to post you must register it’s free. Register for a free account.

      Tips on posting on the forums.

      Post a clear title like ‘Need help preparing PTSD claim’ or “VA med center won’t schedule my surgery” instead of ‘I have a question’.


      Knowledgable people who don’t have time to read all posts may skip yours if your need isn’t clear in the title. I don’t read all posts every login and will gravitate towards those I have more info on.


      Use paragraphs instead of one huge, rambling introduction or story. Again – You want to make it easy for others to help. If your question is buried in a monster paragraph there are fewer who will investigate to dig it out.


      Leading to:

      Post clear questions and then give background info on them.

      Examples:

      A. I was previously denied for apnea – Should I refile a claim?


      I was diagnosed with apnea in service and received a CPAP machine but claim was denied in 2008. Should I refile?



      B. I may have PTSD- how can I be sure?

      I was involved in traumatic incident on base in 1974 and have had nightmares ever since, but I did not go to mental health while enlisted. How can I get help?



      This gives members a starting point to ask clarifying questions like “Can you post the Reasons for Denial from your claim?” etc.

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      Your firsts posts on the board may be delayed before they show up, as they are reviewed, this process does not take long and the review requirement will be removed usually by the 6th post, though we reserve the right to keep anyone on moderator preview.

      This process allows us to remove spam and other junk posts before they hit the board. We want to keep the focus on VA Claims and this helps us do that.
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11cvolley

Dealing with toxic person

Question

So I been rated 100% P&T for over 2 years now. How do I deal with someone that is claiming nothing happened to me in the Army and that I am mooching off the government? Due to having a child with this person I can't totally ignore them.

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11cvolley I won't say what I really think, but I'm kinda wise ass so consider this. Ask him where did he got his phd or medical degree. Obviously, he's a lot smarter than all those medical people you had to deceive to get a 100% rating.Tell him he should apply for a job at the VA. They'd jump at a chance to hire a rater who is that smart. He'd be able to deny anything.

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@11cvolley, there are some things that people are jealous about and one of them is a disabled veteran's pension.  That is why I rarely tell someone I am retired, let alone at 100% VA.  If you are receiving disabled veteran's 100% pension there is a whole lot of people that would like to be in your shoes, what they do not consider is that to get such a pension you paid a dear price.  I myself would much rather have the health that I had before I was disabled out of the military.  I would give my disability back if there was some way to treat my condition.

As a wise old veteran's counselor told me one day you earned your disability and do not let anyone tell you different.  You signed the line saying you would put up even your life to defend your country and somewhere along the way you were injured and disabled.  The hard fact of the matter is that while some veterans may scam the VA most of us paid dearly.

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18 minutes ago, vetquest said:

I myself would much rather have the health that I had before I was disabled out of the military.  I would give my disability back if there was some way to treat my condition.

I feel the same way. Having a three year-old little boy, I would give anything to have my pre-injury health so I could do more things with him.

 

1 hour ago, 11cvolley said:

So I been rated 100% P&T for over 2 years now. How do I deal with someone that is claiming nothing happened to me in the Army and that I am mooching off the government? Due to having a child with this person I can't totally ignore them.

I have been there and done that. One thing you must realize is you cannot force someone's heart to change. If they are too obstinate to realize that a P&T rating also benefits the child (CHAMPVA, Chapter 35, etc...), then I would not bother trying to convince them otherwise.

Ages ago, I was in a relationship to a person who developed a toxic and controlling personality and also had a young child with them. I borrowed some advice from a fellow veteran who was in the same situation when filing for divorce. My contributions to the child's college or vocational education would consist solely of my VA benefits and they would be responsible for everything else during school until the child graduates. Years later, I came to realize that was one of the wisest decisions I ever made regarding my child.

If you are not doing it already, it might be helpful to schedule an appointment with the VAMC's mental health clinic. I worked with a counselor for a while and eventually learned it was easier to keep the relationship focused solely on the child. Any time I was on the receiving end of bad breath, I just blew it off. Eventually, they realized it had no effect and it stopped happening.

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Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, 11cvolley said:

So I been rated 100% P&T for over 2 years now. How do I deal with someone that is claiming nothing happened to me in the Army and that I am mooching off the government? Due to having a child with this person I can't totally ignore them.

@11cvolley

I suppose it all depends on what you want done about the situation. Like @Vync said, counseling is helpful, my wife and I had several "thin ice" times during our relationship both before and after marriage. We have done counseling together. If it ever came to be that us remaining together would be negatively impacting our lives, and in turn, our children's development, we have agreed to deal with issues between each other in a constructive manner with mutual respect for both parties.

There are many times over that these situations resolve with bitter resentment though. Gotta sit back and ask yoruself if you feel worked up...."In 10 years, will it have mattered/made a difference?"

We're not therapists or experts, to my knowledge, and so it goes without saying that I'm happy to lend an ear to a fellow Vet and their troubles.

As for the issue of their knowledge of your disability, if they are more concerned about the money coming from you, rather than your well being - What kind of light is the situation now under?

You are not a mooch. You meet criteria for benefits paid to you for (serious) life-changing circumstances, whether they believe it or not makes no difference, and their hurtful words are more "putting you in your place" and controlling than ever should take place in a relationship of equals.

If I'm off-target folks, I apologize, as this is a tender spot for me.

Edited by awgv001
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    • How to get your questions answered...


      All VA Claims questions should be posted on our forums. Read the forums without registering, to post you must register it’s free. Register for a free account.

      Tips on posting on the forums.

      Post a clear title like ‘Need help preparing PTSD claim’ or “VA med center won’t schedule my surgery” instead of ‘I have a question’.


      Knowledgable people who don’t have time to read all posts may skip yours if your need isn’t clear in the title. I don’t read all posts every login and will gravitate towards those I have more info on.


      Use paragraphs instead of one huge, rambling introduction or story. Again – You want to make it easy for others to help. If your question is buried in a monster paragraph there are fewer who will investigate to dig it out.


      Leading to:

      Post clear questions and then give background info on them.

      Examples:

      A. I was previously denied for apnea – Should I refile a claim?


      I was diagnosed with apnea in service and received a CPAP machine but claim was denied in 2008. Should I refile?



      B. I may have PTSD- how can I be sure?

      I was involved in traumatic incident on base in 1974 and have had nightmares ever since, but I did not go to mental health while enlisted. How can I get help?



      This gives members a starting point to ask clarifying questions like “Can you post the Reasons for Denial from your claim?” etc.

      Note:

      Your firsts posts on the board may be delayed before they show up, as they are reviewed, this process does not take long and the review requirement will be removed usually by the 6th post, though we reserve the right to keep anyone on moderator preview.

      This process allows us to remove spam and other junk posts before they hit the board. We want to keep the focus on VA Claims and this helps us do that.
      • 2 replies
    • Exams that were being sent strictly to contractors before, due to VAMCs not being open, are starting to be routed back to VAMCs. This is going forward from last Friday- not sure if prior scheduled exams will be re-created for VAMC vs vendor.
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    • It's time to ask for help from the community. If you can help with a gift it would be very appreciated.

      Fund HadIt.com Veteran to Veteran LLC


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