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Dealing with toxic person


11cvolley
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So I been rated 100% P&T for over 2 years now. How do I deal with someone that is claiming nothing happened to me in the Army and that I am mooching off the government? Due to having a child with this person I can't totally ignore them.

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11cvolley I won't say what I really think, but I'm kinda wise ass so consider this. Ask him where did he got his phd or medical degree. Obviously, he's a lot smarter than all those medical people you had to deceive to get a 100% rating.Tell him he should apply for a job at the VA. They'd jump at a chance to hire a rater who is that smart. He'd be able to deny anything.

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@11cvolley, there are some things that people are jealous about and one of them is a disabled veteran's pension.  That is why I rarely tell someone I am retired, let alone at 100% VA.  If you are receiving disabled veteran's 100% pension there is a whole lot of people that would like to be in your shoes, what they do not consider is that to get such a pension you paid a dear price.  I myself would much rather have the health that I had before I was disabled out of the military.  I would give my disability back if there was some way to treat my condition.

As a wise old veteran's counselor told me one day you earned your disability and do not let anyone tell you different.  You signed the line saying you would put up even your life to defend your country and somewhere along the way you were injured and disabled.  The hard fact of the matter is that while some veterans may scam the VA most of us paid dearly.

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18 minutes ago, vetquest said:

I myself would much rather have the health that I had before I was disabled out of the military.  I would give my disability back if there was some way to treat my condition.

I feel the same way. Having a three year-old little boy, I would give anything to have my pre-injury health so I could do more things with him.

 

1 hour ago, 11cvolley said:

So I been rated 100% P&T for over 2 years now. How do I deal with someone that is claiming nothing happened to me in the Army and that I am mooching off the government? Due to having a child with this person I can't totally ignore them.

I have been there and done that. One thing you must realize is you cannot force someone's heart to change. If they are too obstinate to realize that a P&T rating also benefits the child (CHAMPVA, Chapter 35, etc...), then I would not bother trying to convince them otherwise.

Ages ago, I was in a relationship to a person who developed a toxic and controlling personality and also had a young child with them. I borrowed some advice from a fellow veteran who was in the same situation when filing for divorce. My contributions to the child's college or vocational education would consist solely of my VA benefits and they would be responsible for everything else during school until the child graduates. Years later, I came to realize that was one of the wisest decisions I ever made regarding my child.

If you are not doing it already, it might be helpful to schedule an appointment with the VAMC's mental health clinic. I worked with a counselor for a while and eventually learned it was easier to keep the relationship focused solely on the child. Any time I was on the receiving end of bad breath, I just blew it off. Eventually, they realized it had no effect and it stopped happening.

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2 hours ago, 11cvolley said:

So I been rated 100% P&T for over 2 years now. How do I deal with someone that is claiming nothing happened to me in the Army and that I am mooching off the government? Due to having a child with this person I can't totally ignore them.

@11cvolley

I suppose it all depends on what you want done about the situation. Like @Vync said, counseling is helpful, my wife and I had several "thin ice" times during our relationship both before and after marriage. We have done counseling together. If it ever came to be that us remaining together would be negatively impacting our lives, and in turn, our children's development, we have agreed to deal with issues between each other in a constructive manner with mutual respect for both parties.

There are many times over that these situations resolve with bitter resentment though. Gotta sit back and ask yoruself if you feel worked up...."In 10 years, will it have mattered/made a difference?"

We're not therapists or experts, to my knowledge, and so it goes without saying that I'm happy to lend an ear to a fellow Vet and their troubles.

As for the issue of their knowledge of your disability, if they are more concerned about the money coming from you, rather than your well being - What kind of light is the situation now under?

You are not a mooch. You meet criteria for benefits paid to you for (serious) life-changing circumstances, whether they believe it or not makes no difference, and their hurtful words are more "putting you in your place" and controlling than ever should take place in a relationship of equals.

If I'm off-target folks, I apologize, as this is a tender spot for me.

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