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The benefit of being kind.



  • Moderator

This one is easy to overlook.  Its soo easy to "hold responsible" that employee (or VSO)  you are speaking to for sometimes many years of delays and denials.  Its probably not their fault, and it may not speed up your claim for blaming them, either. 

This explains how we often underestimate the benefits of being kind.  If you have tried everything else, then try being kind.  Or, try that from the get go, and you can always get mean later.  Hopefully,  much later.   You may even forget what you were mad about. 


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  • HadIt.com Elder

Agree with broncovet 100%. Especially the part about being kind or nice up front. Once you cross the line and be disrespectful or have a hissy fit, you can't put that genie back in the bottle. There is going to be a note in your file about you being "trouble" and there's no way that is a good thing. I know it can be really hard, but it makes no sense to argue with an examiner. They are just going to dig in their heels if you do and, if you do, you are probably going to say something that will be negative to your claim. If the examiner is not picking up on important evidence, just start making notes about what happens to help in your appeal process. How long did the exam last, was he or she late, did they say they didn't read your file, did they ignore evidence presented, etc. The easy way out is to blow up and take it out on the VA person. It also doesn't work. Most of us have had some interactions with VA personnel that were A.H., but to be fair, it certainly not as bad as it used to be just 5-10 years ago. Be polite; it  won't hurt.

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On 7/29/2020 at 5:02 AM, GBArmy said:

Agree with broncovet 100%. Especially the part about being kind or nice up front. Once you cross the line and be disrespectful or have a hissy fit, you can't put that genie back in the bottle.

Yes! 100% to both you and Broncovet. My mentor, and previous boss, always says: "Never burn a bridge until you're ready to BURN THAT BRIDGE". In other words, don't let the emotions of the moment cause you to lose your cool.

I keep telling my wife this as well. When things go wrong, she always tends to want to blow up on the person informing us or what have you. I cannot count how many times I have gotten an initially grumpy, rude sounding rep to completely turn 180 with attitude all because I was being polite and using respectful terms like thank you, please, and Sir/Ma'am. It doesn't work 100% of the time, but you may be surprised how often it does work. Sometimes being the "good" in someones day is enough to turn them around and, in turn, help you.

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  • Content Curator/HadIt.com Elder

Great information here.

One tricky part about dealing with the VA is we veterans have personally experienced more than our fair share of mistakes involving interactions with the VA, which may trigger episodes of anxiety.

When I received a recent VA denial decision that was not made on the merits, it was quite disappointing. When I was on the phone with the VA, I started the conversation by informing the VA agent that they were not the problem, but I was very appreciative of any efforts to provide me with information and advice.

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I will add, "patience" sometimes helps, too.  Several years ago, my wife was cashing in a CD and the bank early.  So, we asked what the penalty was.  Well, this person didnt know, so we waited to talk to the manger, who ALSO did not know.

This went on for an hour.  I patiently waited for an answer.  Finally the manager said, "Well, I tried and cant find out the prepayment penalty, so I guess there is none.  We wont charge you a penalty, because you have been so patient and kind."

Im not sure how much it saved us, but probably 200 dollars or so THAT time.  

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