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Guilt should not prevail

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oceanorange

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I've been reading topics for a few weeks, and decided to share, maybe this can motivate some of you to start or continue your claim.  I was a very successful Marine, Guide, honor graduate, 300 pft'er, Iron man, top of my class, followed orders to the T, leader, honored to serve my adopted country AMERICA, as a first generation immigrant from Colombia, South America.  Not to go into details, I was honorably discharged three years in... it was catastrophic to me, I felt shame, failure... guilt. Many hospital stays, loss of all hope and finally distancing myself completely from military and VA for 20+ years.  Nothing ever really changed, I just bottled it all in and changed jobs at least once every year +... highly technical, but not good working with others.. in the last three years, lots of things have gone down hill.  I started a claim two years ago and just let it sit, out of fear of being labeled again, out of being cast in the shadows of mental disorders. My world spun out of control again and I panicked. I had been volunteering, taking out disabled veterans on outdoor trips and one vet told me, Jaime, it's ok, go file your claim and at minimum get some help through it.  I took his advise to heart, as he meant it.  All I wanted was some relief from this pain and guilt, 20 plus years of suffering in silence, pain, hurting, crying, nightmares, hallucinations ... just awful sadness.  It's hard for me to write this, but I want all of you that read this to know that I found I was not alone, in reading what you all go through, I found common ground and my guilt has settled a little.  I received my 100% P&T within 3 months with little effort, through my records and accepted that it's ok to not be ok.  I was only asking for medical support and now I'm working through medications and support, it's not easy, I still hurt, I still feel like I failed my brothers.  Even though most people that win their claim feel success, I don't feel success, but I feel it's a step in the right direction, it was extremely difficult for me, still is.  I hope this brings those of you hope, I hope this testimony shows that the VA system will be there for you and all you have to do is ask for it.

Thank you, Jsim, USMC.

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Oceanorange Good success story brother. You have learned, as many have, this is a good place to be. Your posting will encourage others. Just another chip on the pile, but a chip none the less. And it is your chip. Good job. Hang around and maybe you can contribute with some of your knowledge also and help that way too. Way to go!

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THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING! i had a lot of guilt when i first got back from Iraq for filing a claim and i didnt win. and i would go to the VA and see all these vets from korea and ww2 and "nam"(of course);i would just think about how much more deserving they were of the benefits and how much more they needed help. i would see guys without limbs and think "man at least i can still walk"........i gave up. i loss my claims in 2008 and quit. it wasnt until i met my wife and she pushed me to fight for my benefits and and i started reaching out for help i desperately needed...but i still often think those thoughts...

but HADIT and community members like you have helped so much! i cant tell you what a resource this is to me. yeah its given me great info on helping my claim but its also given me a place where i connect to people that understand my frustration and thoughts and feelings. you guys know what i am going through. and stories like yours show we even have very similar thoughts and hardships. 

AGAIN, thank you for the encouragement and speaking up!

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1 hour ago, blahsaysme2u said:

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING! i had a lot of guilt when i first got back from Iraq for filing a claim and i didnt win. and i would go to the VA and see all these vets from korea and ww2 and "nam"(of course);i would just think about how much more deserving they were of the benefits and how much more they needed help. i would see guys without limbs and think "man at least i can still walk"........i gave up. i loss my claims in 2008 and quit. it wasnt until i met my wife and she pushed me to fight for my benefits and and i started reaching out for help i desperately needed...but i still often think those thoughts...

but HADIT and community members like you have helped so much! i cant tell you what a resource this is to me. yeah its given me great info on helping my claim but its also given me a place where i connect to people that understand my frustration and thoughts and feelings. you guys know what i am going through. and stories like yours show we even have very similar thoughts and hardships. 

AGAIN, thank you for the encouragement and speaking up!

Thank you, your response means a great deal to me, an affirmation that it's ok to speak up, I was second guessing myself as I'm not one to talk or write about such private matters.  NEVER BE AFRAID TO WALK INTO A VA CLINIC AND ASK FOR HELP! NEVER> no matter what.

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