How to stop an Apportionment

[Woodyb84]

Hi there, 

I need help! As of 2018, my ex-wife filed for an apportionment and surprisingly got awarded it. I tried to appeal it but still got denied. I don't even know HOW she managed that considering the child support she was already receiving from me through our lovely California court system. She was married, had a job and multiple side jobs so she was not going through hardship whatsoever. Fast forward 3 years later, she is still receiving it. We have 50/50 custody and everything financially/medically is split.  I've asked her to stop the apportionment but then Covid hit and she was jobless by choice. She would turn down jobs because she wouldn't make more than her previous job ( not my problem, but okay ) She said to check back in when she found a job. 3 months go by and I checked back in finally she just said No! She will not stop the apportionment because it took her too long to be granted it. 

I've tried calling the VA but I keep on getting the run around. That I would need a court order to file. Has anyone else been through this process? Any help would be appreciated. 

[broncovet]

Unfortunately, you are barking up the wrong tree.  You need to "stop the apportionment" through the courts, not VA.  

Once she gets a "court ordered" child support, she can take that to VA and they will make sure she gets the money.  

So, you will need to hire an attorney (absent your spouse willingly stopping the apportionment), go to the judge, tell him your reasons why you should not have this apportionment.  

Of course, I have no idea what the judge will say.  However, you would be making a good case for yourself if you voluntarily complied with the court ordered child support, or ask him to change the court decree as you and your spouse have willingly agreed to co parent the children and share equally the financial burden.  

Dont expect VA to disregard a court order "even if" its out of date and you have made a verbal agreement with your spouse to modify it.  You have to have it changed legally, through the courts.  

My recommendation is you contact your legal assistance at/near your nearest military base.  Or, if no base is nearby,  contact legal aid.  If that still does not work you will likely have to hire your own attorney.  

You could petition the court "pro se", but dont even think about that unless you are well prepared, which would mean you would need to invest bunches of time to learn the court procedures.  

But, back to your spouse willingly withdrawing the apportionment.  

You should make "every effort humanly possible" to get along with her, even when (or especially when) she does things to irritate you.  

If you can understand this, it will help:  Whenever you tell someone (or allow them to do this) "You MAKE me mad", you are giving them control over your emotions.  Do you really want someone you dont even like having control over you?  Dont give them that, a person can not "make you mad" without your permission.  Dont give them permission to make you mad, instead, when they irritate you, ask God to help you forgive them.  Then "write it off"...sure that person was a jerk, but are they the only jerk in the world?  No.  I promise there are others.  You cant be mad at them all, so why pick the person you like the least to have control over your emotions?  Let it go.  Let them be a jerk.  Respond by being nice to them and others.  

    A friend of mine once told me to use this sentence: 

 I refuse to be offended at your actions or words.  

You dont have control over others' actions, you can only control your response.  

 

Edited November 9, 2021 by broncovet