This is the first post here and I am hoping I can find out some information to get thru all this mess we are in.
My mom is a Korean War vet. She was a flight nurse transporting patients of at the end of the war, and was also stationed in the Philippines and Japan later down the line.
In 1994 after having problems, she was diagnosed with Parkinson's after exhibiting atypical Parkinson's symptoms. At that time she filed for benefits for disability with the VA. She was not totally disabled then as she is now, and only received a pension for loss of hearing by flying in unpressurized planes during her service. We appealed many times with no successful results as my mom got worse and worse. I finally had to give up the appeals process as it just became too much for me to deal with anymore, while taking care of her, my child, and working while going to school. My mom went to a lawyer and had a power of attorney drawn up for me and a contract I must follow regarding her end of life wishes and the fact she doesn't not want to EVER go into a nursing home. And I cannnot say I blame her.
In the years that followed she required more and more care, and we agreed that she would pay me to take care of her until the end. I was not and have not been making a fortune off of taking care of her over this time and in fact have had my health deteriorated considerably over this time. It has been very hard work doing this full time with being paid so very little. Doctors told me she would not live a year from the point that I started, but she has managed to live 13 because of the good care she received according to the nurses. She can longer feed, bathe, dress, clean herself anymore. She requires round the clock care, medicationas, turning, diapers, catheders and everything else. Then came having to have a feeding tube put in. She is now fed on a regular schedule. I am exhausted and just can't do it myself.
At this point, I am up in age and no spring chicken anymore. My daughter is grown. I am at a point where I need to go back to school/work so that I can have a retirement that I can live off of. I don't mind caring for my mom but I know that I needed help and turned once again to the VA for help. Last year I filed for Aid and Attendance for her in March. In May I received a letter stating it was granted. But because she suffered from the effects of Parkinson's and all it's symptoms, my mom was ruled incompetetent to care for her affairs and money. They told us she needed a Fiduciary. We contacted several agencies recommended to us by the hospital social worker. They all wanted us to pay money up front, and they would file the paper work and get it done. It seemed very unreasonable to me that they would want money upfront when none had been awarded yet, so I contacted the VA. They told me not to pay any group for this service and that my mom could name a Fiduciary herself. Of course she named me.
That's when hell started. We waited a period of over a year almost and just finally had the interview with the agent from the designated hub. I feel like he wanted to crawl up my ass with a microscope. He was rude, obnoxious and made the process unbearable. I bit my tongue and manage thru til the best I could until the end when he handed me the packet and told me I now had to wait for a criminal background check and credit check. Being that we were always taught not to share pertinent information, I feel very violated. He treated me like an idiot and a criminal. If I didn't know any better, he already had done a search about me by the questions he asked.
Then he made the rude comment that if I had been my mom's spouse that this was all unnecessary. If he only knew my mom's husband whom she was seperated from, my father, had conned her out of her home, her pension and everything else he could as revenge before he died. Living thru that and finding out two weeks before he died still makes me so angry I could kill him if he lived. So you can see why I find this comment so rude.
But that was not the end of it.....the packet he handed me has an outline of what I can and cannot do. I cannot pay myself to take care of my mom, even though that is what I do around the clock. I can only charge her rent or living expenses according to what they feel she should pay, and I could only pay so much for her necessitities and so on. I was told that if I took more, paid myself, or did anything they did not approve of I would be held liable and could face criminal charges. He even had the nerve to tell me that her pension could not be combined with her social security money and that if she died, they would take any balance away immediately. My mom does not own anything anymore. She is only getting approx. $250 so far from the VA.
I am livid. I feel as if I sold my soul to the devil to get help for my mom and we are all going to have to pay the price for this now. Doing it the way I was doing it before, I was not stealing anything. We lived hand to mouth, but okay. My mom was well taken care of and never went without anything. She had her cable TV and sat in front of it all day to her hearts content. She got good medical care, and had clothes on her back, good meals and so forth. He had the nerve to tell me that I could only spend so much on that too! Which is far from the price it cost. Matter of fact, everything he quoted me on her paying is far below what she would pay anywhere else. He also told me that if they didn't approve of what they saw in my home, they would remove her. Or she died, they would take back all the money. Even after a year she was not getting any retro back pay!
My mom is the only family besides my daughter that I have left. I just don't know what to do anymore. Can anyone give me some advice. I just can't deal with this anymore. How can I tell the VA just to go to hell without them coming after me. I want our lives back the way they were.
Daughter Of 100% Disabled Vet
in Introduce Yourself
Posted
Hi,
This is the first post here and I am hoping I can find out some information to get thru all this mess we are in.
My mom is a Korean War vet. She was a flight nurse transporting patients of at the end of the war, and was also stationed in the Philippines and Japan later down the line.
In 1994 after having problems, she was diagnosed with Parkinson's after exhibiting atypical Parkinson's symptoms. At that time she filed for benefits for disability with the VA. She was not totally disabled then as she is now, and only received a pension for loss of hearing by flying in unpressurized planes during her service. We appealed many times with no successful results as my mom got worse and worse. I finally had to give up the appeals process as it just became too much for me to deal with anymore, while taking care of her, my child, and working while going to school. My mom went to a lawyer and had a power of attorney drawn up for me and a contract I must follow regarding her end of life wishes and the fact she doesn't not want to EVER go into a nursing home. And I cannnot say I blame her.
In the years that followed she required more and more care, and we agreed that she would pay me to take care of her until the end. I was not and have not been making a fortune off of taking care of her over this time and in fact have had my health deteriorated considerably over this time. It has been very hard work doing this full time with being paid so very little. Doctors told me she would not live a year from the point that I started, but she has managed to live 13 because of the good care she received according to the nurses. She can longer feed, bathe, dress, clean herself anymore. She requires round the clock care, medicationas, turning, diapers, catheders and everything else. Then came having to have a feeding tube put in. She is now fed on a regular schedule. I am exhausted and just can't do it myself.
At this point, I am up in age and no spring chicken anymore. My daughter is grown. I am at a point where I need to go back to school/work so that I can have a retirement that I can live off of. I don't mind caring for my mom but I know that I needed help and turned once again to the VA for help. Last year I filed for Aid and Attendance for her in March. In May I received a letter stating it was granted. But because she suffered from the effects of Parkinson's and all it's symptoms, my mom was ruled incompetetent to care for her affairs and money. They told us she needed a Fiduciary. We contacted several agencies recommended to us by the hospital social worker. They all wanted us to pay money up front, and they would file the paper work and get it done. It seemed very unreasonable to me that they would want money upfront when none had been awarded yet, so I contacted the VA. They told me not to pay any group for this service and that my mom could name a Fiduciary herself. Of course she named me.
That's when hell started. We waited a period of over a year almost and just finally had the interview with the agent from the designated hub. I feel like he wanted to crawl up my ass with a microscope. He was rude, obnoxious and made the process unbearable. I bit my tongue and manage thru til the best I could until the end when he handed me the packet and told me I now had to wait for a criminal background check and credit check. Being that we were always taught not to share pertinent information, I feel very violated. He treated me like an idiot and a criminal. If I didn't know any better, he already had done a search about me by the questions he asked.
Then he made the rude comment that if I had been my mom's spouse that this was all unnecessary. If he only knew my mom's husband whom she was seperated from, my father, had conned her out of her home, her pension and everything else he could as revenge before he died. Living thru that and finding out two weeks before he died still makes me so angry I could kill him if he lived. So you can see why I find this comment so rude.
But that was not the end of it.....the packet he handed me has an outline of what I can and cannot do. I cannot pay myself to take care of my mom, even though that is what I do around the clock. I can only charge her rent or living expenses according to what they feel she should pay, and I could only pay so much for her necessitities and so on. I was told that if I took more, paid myself, or did anything they did not approve of I would be held liable and could face criminal charges. He even had the nerve to tell me that her pension could not be combined with her social security money and that if she died, they would take any balance away immediately. My mom does not own anything anymore. She is only getting approx. $250 so far from the VA.
I am livid. I feel as if I sold my soul to the devil to get help for my mom and we are all going to have to pay the price for this now. Doing it the way I was doing it before, I was not stealing anything. We lived hand to mouth, but okay. My mom was well taken care of and never went without anything. She had her cable TV and sat in front of it all day to her hearts content. She got good medical care, and had clothes on her back, good meals and so forth. He had the nerve to tell me that I could only spend so much on that too! Which is far from the price it cost. Matter of fact, everything he quoted me on her paying is far below what she would pay anywhere else. He also told me that if they didn't approve of what they saw in my home, they would remove her. Or she died, they would take back all the money. Even after a year she was not getting any retro back pay!
My mom is the only family besides my daughter that I have left. I just don't know what to do anymore. Can anyone give me some advice. I just can't deal with this anymore. How can I tell the VA just to go to hell without them coming after me. I want our lives back the way they were.