I just got the results from my C&P exam and I found the results rather saddening. It is basically the same stuff everyone has been telling me since I fist began actually voicing concerns.
"You deal with it all well"
Well, it seems like my ability to not flip out and off everyone and then myself is seriously biting me in my rear. I have a physical copy of my exam notes so I will try to type out what I have so folks can understand.
My hearing is fine, but I was complaining about ringing. My right ear goes like this.
[x] Sensonorineural hearing loss ( in the frequency range of 400-5000Hz)*
In the little notes area, it says the asterisk means it's not bad enough to be a disability.
I also made complaints about my wrist, but I won't even get into that. It's like as long as you have no broken bones they slap you on the rear and tell you that you are fine. Even when i show them that my left wrist clearly bends far more than what is normal and when it does it causes me great pain. They ignore that. No broken bones = I am 100% fine apparently.
Now for what has me really frustrated.
PTSD. I'll try to go down the lines.
I do not have a PTSD diagnoses. Which is strange because every therapist and even my current VA psychiatrist told me I do. So that means they say one thing and write down another.
My symptoms do not meet whatever requirement of PTSD.
Veteran has another mental disorder. And it is never actually mentioned again.
The rest is stuff about my history which really is glossed over. I feel like she only focused on trivial things like whether I finished high school or how I feel about my mom.
Then we get to talk on my stressor. long story short, she stopped me after my first story and said that was all she needed. Mind you, i had two more deployments worth.
Does stressor support PTSD claim? [x] Yes
Does stressor relate to veteran's fear of hostile activity? [x] Yes
Then the opinions at the end are basically that while all that I have been through supports a claim, I do not show any signs so she feels I do not have PTSD.
And that is basically what I have been hearing for years now. I can't sleep through the night, I startle easily, my every waking moment is filled with the outrageous idea that someone somewhere wants me dead. My grades in college are slipping, I often choose to stay in bed all day rather than even get up to eat, I have 0 friends I am in regular contact with, and i am constantly stressed out so much that I am just so damn tired. Not o mention the only thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that if I screw up and wind up on the street, i can always just off myself and end it all.
But hey, I don't wear all that on my sleeve and try to be a decent person so I must be doing fine right?
I'm sorry folks. This is about my possible (non) rating but I am thinking I maybe just needed to vent. I hate the VA. I hate it so much and that is why i miss most appointments. I know they will not do anything for me until after I am dead and gone. So why even bother right?