firemedic139

i am not sure where to even begin. i served in Navy as a corpsman with 2nd Force Amphib Recon back from 1986-1992. i was deployed around the globe with various recon teams from training drug interdiction training in S. America, to peace keeping in Africa for U.N protection, to getting discharged after Desert Storm. In Africa i witnessed chidren with weapons who would die for adults who put them in harms way, having to on occassion take a childs life for the safety and protection of not only our mission goals, but also civilians. i also witnessed what a ruler was willing to do to his "loyal subjects", when they got out of line, or just to cleanse a region of certain villages. in the gulf i was part of the Kafji liberation, again witnessing what humans can do to each other, ie..rape, pillage and murder. isaw bodies of Americans desacrated, and mutilated, and even had to provide aid to Iraqi republican guard troops or just those left in the desert and told not to let Americans get by. the sheer number of POW's we took or some who gave resistance was staggering. There were many sleepless nights due to scud missles, and one that landed only a few hundred feet from our position, and wearing MOP gear to bed was routine. with this so long i apologize, however, recently ( within past year or so) i have begun to have recurring vivid dreams of things i had forgotten, noises that are suden and loud startle me like never before. when i first got back from gulf war, friends thought it was funny to see me jump out of bed and lay on floor at loud noises, and fire truck sirens at night sounded like scud air raid alarms. eventually i grew used too or some how stopped all that. i figured it was shell shock and never talked to a doctor about it. also PTSD was at its infancy as being recognized as true and real problem. even myself, up until recently didn't think it was legit and something people claimed to get benefits. i now wonder if its real. i take 2 anti depressants, one to get rid of dreams, i turned to heavy alcohol use to sleep and make the ghosts go away. My wife is on the verge of a divorce becase i have fits of rage/anger i cant control, my drinking, and lack of feeling, especially intimacy. i guess with all this, i am trying to see if this could be PTSD related? can it lie dormant in our brains/body this long? do i see my private doc for referal to VA, or am i entitled to VA to see what they think? My spouse thinks its a cop out or excuse for my behavior. it also didn't help my belief in this illness, when my son, who was a Marine grunt, went to Afghanistan and then was not allowed to reinlist due to disciplinary actions, but he and several guys from his company, filed disability claims fo knee pain, back pain, hearing loss and PTSD. he said its easy to fake those problems, so he gets 50 or so disabled from government. i told him i lost all respect for him as a vet. so now here i am, wondering if i am eligable to talk with somebody from VA, what is statute of limitations? i am not seeking compensation, just salvaging my marriage, and liver. who ever actually takes the time to read and respond, God bless. Merry Christmas. Where do i start?