vet2018

Thanks all for the responses. I apologize for the length of these rants but it's a lot to get off my chest and I want to make sure I go through the process correctly for my family's sake.
@Buck52 the DSM-5 diagnostic code is F41.8, here's a link with more info about it: http://seniorcarepsychological.com/other-specified-anxiety-disorder-symptoms-and-related-dsm-5-diagnosis/
@vetquest Sorry to hear about your delays. That seems to be a common theme. Unfortunately I'm not really in a position to get buddy statements. I'm in the Air Force and it was a very weird deployment situation. They deploy us as individuals to fill slots, not as a unit, and this particular deployment had me (an IT guy) deploying (with a few days' notice -- surprise) into a very small (~60 people) mashup unit of infantry and civil affairs types (Army + AF + Navy) and a small Navy EOD team (even a couple Marine ETTs) on our own on a tiny FOB responsible for an entire province in far east Afghanistan during the runup to the Taliban resurgence. Instead of comm I was put in with the S3 in a TOC that basically only had 3 people in it (S2, S3, and me) because we were so undermanned and I had no prior experience in this type of operating environment at all. (I literally went from cubicle farms doing help desk tickets to coordinating all aspects of a FOB on a daily basis) It turned out I was able to hold my own at it pretty well after I got adjusted to it, and in a lot of ways I enjoyed it and miss the hell out of it but once it was over I returned to my unit stateside. Since I didn't deploy with anyone from my unit there's no one to really reach out to about the things that happened over there. We got shot at/rocketed/mortared and it was my job to help coordinate defense, coordinate air support and medevac when our folks went out and got in TICs, etc. But there isn't anything that says "you got shot at" in particular, so I'm not sure what would be useful for that. I do have helmet cam footage of combat from some of the guys who went out but I wasn't out with them, I was on the other end of the radio making sure they got out in one piece. Usually. I went out some but never got in a TIC while out. Was on the phone with my wife when we came under heavy mortar fire once, that sucked. I do have an ARCOM from Task Force Spartan (10th Mountain) but it is generic.
@broncovet are you saying at the C&P I should explicitly state that I think I have PTSD? My therapist has stated in the notes that I do NOT have PTSD because I said my issues from the deployment have lessened to the point that the issues are "rare." But to me that simply meant that it isn't affecting my life on a constant basis. I still however have feelings of guilt/etc (especially over one friend's death that I feel I could have done more to prevent but probably couldn't -- he was amputated waist down by an IED just outside our FOB -- first daisy-chain IED in eastern theater -- and I was on watch and initiated the response to get them back in safely) but do not have hypervigilance and flashbacks like I did back then. My issue is that I simply forced myself to deal with the issues but don't feel I ever properly processed them, I just buried them over time, and I'm concerned they will come back again. I get fairly nervous even typing up what I did above. My wife did write a lay statement describing how I changed after the deployment, detachment/rage, etc that I was considering giving to my current active duty psychologist but now I'm glad I didn't, since I'm concerned it would be dismissed. I was considering taking that (along with my wife) to my C&P after I file my claim. (we see our VSO next week to start the claim process)
In hindsight I wish I had gone to the local vet center which my wife had urged me to do back then, but I was worried about a diagnosis somehow affecting my clearance (TS) which would harm my career. Now I want to get it on my record but it seems too late, and because I "dealt with it" on my own my therapist seems to be giving testimony against me. And now that I have a serious medical diagnosis I want to research it and understand it as much as possible, but that comes across as "obsessing" over it which is frustrating again.
This morning I had an unrelated appointment with my primary care provider and at that time just unloaded about feeling overwhelmed with everything we are dealing with. (my multiple medical issues, wife medical + pending surgery that stopped her heart before, career change, etc) It finally came to a head yesterday (before I even read my record) when I reached a point where the only way I relaxed was to just finally stop caring about anything, which is a dangerous road to go down. PCM agreed we are dealing with a lot, said she had noticed me deteriorating over several months, was very concerned and offered to hand me off to a psychologist, but then she called my psychologist and came back and said she was told it was "just an adjustment issue" and that there was nothing to be concerned about. So I feel blown off. I was offered an appointment with a behavioral health specialist which I took, just so I can go on record somehow. I was given a PHQ-9 and GAD-7 which I basically maxed out but don't know if they will take it seriously since I was in the psychologist's office yesterday answering similar questions with lower scores, because I try to present as trying to improve. But now I'm not sure how to effectively demonstrate that I am concerned about real issues.
I have asked my wife if she is willing to come with me to the BHOP appointment so she can report what she has observed and experienced and she is very willing. Beyond that I'm not sure what would turn this situation around. I feel like I went way off track in this therapy process and don't know how to get back on track now.
Sorry for the ranting, this is just very frustrating.