ptsd Emergent Need For Advice And Help Vet To Vet

[spike]

I have spoken to many counselors at the VA and it seemingly makes my PTSD issues even worse. I've looked into the Track 1 Program and the PTSD weekly counseling. It has created maritial issues in our relationship. My wife has left me, been gone and said that it's just getting worse. She doesn't know if she can trust someone who is on edge all the time and sometimes just doesn't want to be as social as I once was. Counselor told my wife when your husband (me) gets upset, leave him alone and don't bother him....that created issues as well. My wife leaving has resulted in weight loss of 23 lbs in less than 2 weeks, severe depression and having nightmares with my normal PTSD nightmares. What I am looking is anyone can help give advice to me.

saunderson.usmc@gmail.com

we can then share contact info if you should be so inclined to helping this vet from spiraling even worse.

VA doesn't help worth crap i've been counseling for about a year or so (constant)

[Ricky]

Spike: Some times we put those we love in a situation whichs drives them to their breaking point. Their normal reaction is to lash out at the one they know loves them the most for they know that no matter what we will be there in the end with our undying love. Trust me been there. Now I can't run the ole devil off with a stick. Heck I am afraid that if I tried she would take the stick away from me and give me a good whopping, tie me to the recliner and super glue the remote to my hand hahahahaha. The best course of action for you would be to insure that you yourself get all the help necessary to make you well. After that all of the apples will fall close to the tree which makes for a happy ending. Hang in there, get well and keep calling on us. If they don't take away our comp at age 65 most of us will still be here sitting at the computer banging away trying to help all of our fellow veterans and their spouses.

PS: emabrassing? Needing help and true life experience are never embrassing. If you want embrassing look up my post about my meds making me fall off the pot one morning and knock a hole in the bathroom wall with my head. The old woman came a running and when she saw the terrible situation she thought I was constipated which made me go mad and try to commit suicide . NOW THAT IS EMBARRASSING - JUST A LITTLE HUMOR TO MAKE YOU LAUGH MY FELLOW VETERAN!!!!!!!!!!

Edited August 28, 2007 by Ricky

[mountain tyme]

Dear Spike...

If I could cross time and distance and reach out to take away all your pain I would glady do so...I do not even know you but your words cry out in such dispare...and I know saying everything will turn out all right are just words on a screen...and they can not give you confort just quite reassurance that someone is listening...saying many people have felt your pain and have walked your path before are but words..but these are the same people who are rooting you on...to take control of your life...

REMEEMBER SPIKE...YOU HAVE PTSD...PTSD DOES NOT HAVE YOU!...and if you let PTSD wrap itself around you then you again become the victim all over again...take back your life..one day at a time.

Each Morning as the first rays of the sun beckons you to a new day...embrace it relish in it's warmth...you are an amazing person...never let anyone tell you differnt...have you ever thought about how many lives you have touched...think about that Spike...that you count...you are loved...and you are needed...it is these things that will get you through...you are not ever alone...God is always by your side...faith will get you through...and if you don't believe that..then I do and I am praying for you...

Please keep an update on your progress so other Vets will gain courage though you.

May God Keep you and All those you Love safe in his Loving embrace...

God Speed

MT

[Josephine]

I lost 35 Marines in less than 30 days. The USMC base GROUP General swept it under the table and no body spoke about it. Lt Colonel immediately was relieved of command and it's just hard when you were seemingly always in the "crap" at hip level at all times. Sometimes when I am trying to balance a million things, home life, helping veterans, daily life and sometimes when I get caught off guard by the media all at once about losing Marines.....it is almost like a virus on a computer and just starts tearing me apart. Thanks for everyone understanding to a point and "doing the best to keep me straight". It's somewhat embarrasing.

Spike,

You are a marvelous person and look what you have been through and what you have accomplished.

God is here to listen to you and to watch over you and all of us here at Hadit are here for you also.

Try to go a little easier on yourself .

Always,

Josephine

[spike]

Another crashing moment yet again. I am having dispair and depression 'killing' me per se from the inside out. Nothing physical has or will happen to me. However, my confusion and hurt heart is draining the energy from me per se. I fight on for my daughter. I've gotten to the point of complete pain and shut down of feelings except I guess of complete sadness. I do not believe there is anything a psych doctor can do for me in my current state. I have ran out of my medication for sleep aid, as a different doctor changed the dosage and did not update the system, with the holiday, ive been ignored on friday and now i wait until tuesday.

I really can't figure it out at all. So in order to maybe better understand the situation, I'll spill more here.

My wife and I have been together for 3 years prior to the 1 year and 1 month of marriage for a total of 4 + years.

Sadly to say I met my current wife after i was divorced and my wife tina was divorced from her ex for about a year before that. Her Ex Husband was violently abusive and her mother and father gave her away all of her life, and were sexually abusive. I believe Tina has PTSD but doesn't and hasn't taken care of it....i once had her getting help.

I met Tina at the bar and after my wifes step sister tried to make sexual advances at me. I dated her sister, and dropped it completely as I met Tina and 'i swear that it was god and maybe something like a cupid per se' grabbed a hold of my heart. From that June 22, 2003 summer day, I fell in love and was never ever the same. I took things slowly. It took 2 1/2 years to introduce her to family...all of my family. for 4 years my wife told me she loved me everyday. She did have a nervous breakdown once and left our engagement for 30 days for a man off the internet. She married him and had sex with him....two days later....she called me in complete tears and desperate to apologize. She said she deserved to die. I brought her back paid for the annulment and paid for her trip back to my loving arms.

We got married in April 10, 2006, where her former sister in law witnessed the judge take care of the marriage and then we had a full blown ceremony in June 24, 2007 (two days before her birthday-wife). I knew something was always wrong with the fact that she called this former sister in law her 'sister' but i digressed that she had a very disfunctional family. Come to find out her former sister in law who I will call Laurie here, I found out is constantly involved with drug users, abusers, felons, etc. I believe the track record is that she has been married something at least 4 times.

Here is where the disabilities come in. In March of 2007, I was unable to continue my path of work. I was found I/U and rated at 90% with 10% I/U granted. Tina had indicated that my PTSD nightmares were getting worse and she did not like the csw i was seeing. She started taking more time to visit Laurie and Ang indicating that I never had PTSD before so she doesn't get how I have it now.....it's always been there but I for some reason was able to supress it. With my back (l4, l5 herniated), chornic sinunitis, bi laternal knee disabilities, and PTSD it has hindered my ability to do what I used to. In fact, funny enough the MD prescribed Levetra to me (a month to late). My wife has left me and I believe she is having sex (guys always think the worse I dont know for a fact) but I saw her Aug 4, 2007 in the arms of a Greg K. who picked her up from work. I believe I witnessed her kissing him. My wife indicated that I suffer from PTSD and told the City Cops I was a former Marine and did not need weapons, I served in a unit that was very deployable. Her family is trying to say that I am harrassing and abusive (even though I have never done either)....they are welfare system abusers, drug users and a bad influence all over.

Since that time I have been in Track I at Batavia, and sought many counseling sessions. I have lost over 26 lbs in less than a month and have been in and out of great depressions. I filed for divoce hoping that it will wake up my wife that I am not playing a game, but it seems to just hurt me. I did hear from a co-associate who was doing her laundry at the time of being served that tina seems shocked and slightly depressed from afar. Tina's family has indicated to me when Tina gets scared or things get hard, she has had a tendency to run. I can't seem to get my PTSD counseling before I find out the structure of my marriage and the support for my daughter and the stepchildren. My wife is facing a violation for running away now and not paying support. They are looking to put her in jail. The ex husband and father of the children are looking to take all custody away and possibly restricting visitation to just his house. My daughter cries for 'mommy' aka Tina. I filed divorce documents on Aug 31, 2007. I believe she was served on Sat Sept 1 or will be served today Monday. These two people Laurie and Angie have ruined Tina's relationships over the past 16 years since they were first introduced.

I am a former Marine, and it took my everything to trust and put my heart and soul in my wive's hands. To be honest, I would probably weakly give in to her coming back and reconciling even after such. My wife did not even have a place to stay when I met her. Since then shes gotten Nine West Shoes, clothes from Fredricks of Hollywood, clothes from the Gap, etc....when she was living in Family Dollar stores pretty much. My marriage residence has 1,500 SQFT and tv's in each room to include a HDTV, 2 couches and william ashley beds for everyone. I am active in organizations like MCL, DAV, VMW, etc....how can I possibly help anyone though, when my life is in a burning hell?

What do you think my wife will do? How will she react to divorce papers? Why would she leave me in a good neighborhood where she has great rights and visitation with her kids, given the 3 basic needs, and stuff for a 900 SQFT apartment in a drug infested, crime ridden area, in which she will never be able to have the kids at her house, NYCSE going after her against the child support and take a relationship on with some stranger. What am I to do, my daughter cries every night. I'm a tormented soul with no real ability to address PTSD treatment when my life is upside down. I know this is long winded and probably off topic, but I need some help. Please advise.

[Jay Johnson]

Spike,

Wow, you're in a really tough spot and it's hard to help someone (your wife) when you have "issues" of your own to contend with.

Let me start off with a few things I've learned about women who have had sexual abuse in their past (especially as kids): Your fears of adultery could very well be true, but not likely for the reasons most americans would assume. Women who have been raped/molested can become hypersexual, but it has nothing to do with their husband/BF; rather, it's an issue of control. In other words, those women have a deep seeded need to prove that they have control over their bodies, so they seek out relationships to show that they can manipulate and control the men they're with. This tends to be influenced by their relationships at home; if they feel they are losing control of their husbands (for various reasons) they may seek out other relationships to get back that feeling of safety and control. However, the ultimate goal is almost never sexual intercourse because intercourse is a submissive act (for women). This is also why women who have been raped or molested tend to have a much higher chance of being raped again later in life; in essence, they purposely put themselves in situations to which there is a high probably for rape (IE - they lead on overly sexually aggressive men and back out at the last moment).

I have found myself in this situation with my wife. After the first rape in the military she began to become hostile towards me (of course I was unaware of the rape until long after the fact) and she began to go out to clubs and drink heavily. This put her in horrible situations and led to two more rapes. It was a viscous cycle and it's very hard to break (especially without treating the PTSD with meds).

The only thing you can do is be VERY caring towards her to give her a level of stability so she doesn't seek it elsewhere. Also, it is imperative that she seeks treatment for her PTSD (and I'm 99% certain she has PTSD given your post). Without treatment this cycle will NEVER end and you will find yourself in this position over and over again. What's worse is that the more you get upset about what she's doing the more it will drive her to do the things she does and the more viscous she will become towards you, regardless of the fact that you're well within your right to be upset.

It's an issue where logic has NO meaning and no amount reasoning will fix the situation.

As for my wife, I tried to commit suicide while she was in the military because of the hell she was putting me through (going out 'till 3 am every other night and coming home drunk) and the thought of actually losing me snapped her out of it, but it wasn't until the PTSD really kicked in (delayed onset) that she really began to understand just how crazy her life was and illogical her actions were.

But, even to this day, if she were to stop taking meds and start drinking again I have no doubt that she would end up back in the same lifestyle that got her to where she is.....

The one thing I have learned is that you cannot meet her aggression with anger....the only way I can snap her out of it is by being overly caring via hugs and a calm voice; anything else just pushes her further over the edge. However, there's NOTHING I can do to get her under control without the psych meds......no meds = no chance of correcting the problem; she either ends up hospitalized, dead (or at least attempting it) or drunk (self medicating).

So, try to help her to help herself, but if she's not willing to work with you it is probably in your best interest to cut the ties between you. Serving her with divorce papers will only compound the problem, so if she's not willing to seek treatment before that, I highly doubt she will after:-(

Edited September 3, 2007 by Jay Johnson

[spike]

Jay,

One thing I find very very interesting, is that Tina has self medicated before heavily. I would just wish that I could get some SIGN that she still loves me and a SIGN that she will hurry through the process and get back here, where I may or may not be able to get the help for her she so desprately needs. Her Ex Husband her distance family has basically told me that they fear for Tina and they love tina. Anything they can do to hard love to help her get help they will do if she so wants it. I.E. counseling, staying with family through our situation. Her Ex husband has so eliquently put it that as long as she is with Laurie and Angelina and in the place she is she will have a fight in hell to see the kids and he wierdly enough says he would guide her back to having a lot more time with the kids if she gets marriage counseling, counseling for herself and get back in a productive relationship with me. She is not living with me johnson...shes away and has been away since July 24, 2007. Tina has in the past self medicated to oblivion in alcohol when shes been away. One thing that drives her beyond upset and come back is when she hears that other women are very much interested in me. She becomes very terriotorial. She said in fact even after our issues that she will never let another woman have me. Is there anyway to know if she loves me still? Is there anything I should look for? What happens if she gets the divorce papers, if she doesnt sign or argues the divorce or if she signs them what do all these things mean. By the way, my last question for you is I had a CSW in Syracuse that was named Jay Johnson, are you the same gentleman?