free_spirit_etc

Do they get to reduce your benefits WHILE you appeal? Or do they have to wait? Also - they have access to take money OUT of any bank account they directly deposit money INTO (or any OTHER account you have at THAT bank). So you might want to move any money you plan on trying to keep to ANOTHER bank. Right now I am working on getting BACK the money they took out of MY account Two Months AFTER they put a transmittal through to Finance that was supposed to STOP the reclaimation - as I was entitled to my husband's last check as his surviving widow. If they think you owe them money - it is best to have them bill you while you fight it out - rather than be in the position where they already HAVE your money (sucked right out of your bank account) while you fight to get it BACK. It is all a matter of who gets to hold the money until somebody wins. Free

http://www.va.gov/vetapp08/files1/0802691.txt Here's a good one. The veteran was diagnosed as having COPD which the examiner opined was due to cigarette smoking and was not due to asbestos exposure. However, a review of the records shows that the veteran has repeatedly denied to VA examiners during outpatient treatment and at his VA examination that he has used tobacco products. Despite that history, the VA examiner opined that the veteran's COPD is due to cigarette smoking.

Hopefully you won't have to fight that long <_< Hopefully you will get it resolved soon!!! They actually sent me TWO copies of the letter for my husband. I guess that makes up for two of the claims for burial benefits they have lost. You are very smart. So are they. They just act like they are missing something. A key I have found is look close and notice what they ignored - what they failed to address - the place in your claim that they AVOID holds a lot of keys. Like Hoppy says, they try to put up a smoke screen - and pull you into arguing side issues - so you spend your time and enery fighting points that even if you win - won't matter. Like a spider's sticky web. Don't let them pull you into their sticky webs... Keep on the webs that go straight to the point. (And they probably IGNORED the REAL point). Free Free

http://www.va.gov/vetapp08/files1/0805511.txt The above case shows why we need to get IMOs, doctor opinions in support of the claim - or something.. It is a 2008 BVA case. Veteran served in Vietnam. Had lung cancer and COPD. The RO got a medical opinion that the cancer was caused by smoking, not agent orange. This was the ONLY medical opinion on the record. The wife, a nurse, testified - but they didn't override the RO med opinion - "Accordingly, the only competent medical evidence of record that discusses the etiology of the veteran's lung cancer is the January 2005 medical opinion of Dr. R.T., which found that the veteran's lung cancer was not related to Agent Orange exposure. As such, there is affirmative evidence to the contrary sufficient to rebut presumptive service connection under 38 C.F.R. § 3.309(e), and service connection for the cause of the veteran's death on a presumptive basis is not warranted." They rebutted the AO presumption with one opinion. Free

Oh...by the way... I want to thank you for your service to our country. The VA WILL thank you also - but it takes time. But when you die and they get to close your file, they send your widow a nice little certificate telling her they appreciated your service to our country. Just figured you might want to hear it while you are still alive. Free

I read the rebuttal. I agree with everyone - very powerfully written. So is the C&P examiner willing to give you a job? Are you not allowed to have a nice time? Or not allowed to go fishing? Tell them, of course I had a nice time fishing. I enjoy maiming all God's little creatures, but they arrest me when I do that to cats! Free

My husband's treating pulmonologist at the Air Force Base (the one that TOLD my husband his cancer started BEFORE retirement - and the one that has written IN HIS MED RECORDS - cigs and asbestos >80 times risk) was GOING to write an opinion for him - but then called and said the Base attorney said they couldn't write opinions. His treating oncologist - (Tri-Care) told us that they aren't allowed to give OPINIONS - that the VA will have THEIR doctors do that. His treating radiation doctor said he isn't allowed to write opinions, as he is associated with the hospital - and suggested that my husband find a PRIVATE doctor who practices independently - So we didn't have much luck there. And now that my husband died - we can't get any more physicians to treat him... I agree that it sure would be best if the primary physician would write it. Sometimes they won't. Free

How sucky!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am thinking they have to meet a higher standard of proof to reduce your rating than they do to not give it to you in the first place. I would think you could file an NOD while your TDIU is pending. They seem to like to have vets with all different things going on at all different stages - hoping they will lose track of the appeal dates and have to start over. Did you already have an "inferred" claim for TDIU going on? (i.e. there was already evidence in the file that you weren't working? You MIGHT want to indicate that the FORM is PERFECTING your TDIU claim - and that much of the evidence is already of record. I don't even know if they can reduce the benefits while you are appealing - so I am no help there. But someone WILL come along who WILL be able to help! DON'T GIVE UP!! Free

Inspiring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Free!

Has anyone used Medopins for an IMO? I was wondering about your experience with them if you have. I was quoted a rate of $2,900 for an opinion. I think one concern I have is the smoking issue. I think many doctors aren't willing to write a decent opinion for you if you smoke and have cancer. I am not asking a doctor to lie - or to even go against medical science. In fact I am asking for a doctor to write an opinion that medical science FULLY supports: 1. Slow growing cancer usually grows slow. 2. Abestos exposure often increases you risk of lung cancer, even (and actually especially) when you smoke. I would certainly hate to pay $2900 for a doctor with an anti-smoking bias - that could not put that bias aside. I can get doctors do THAT for free. Can I ask for a "smoker friendly" doctor? Or do you just pay your money and get an expert opinion. Free

It sounds like they have it all mixed up. To me, if he submitted the original claim in May 2007 and they notified him in June 2007 of the evidence needed, he had until June 2008 to submit that evidence. I'm not sure why they would deny the claim - and still say you have another year to submit the additional evidence, without telling you to appeal. I would think that you would have one year from the denial (until May 2009) to file an NOD AND submit additional evidence. And when you file the NOD - they should sent you a Statement of Case - and tell you you have 60 days to file the Form 9. To be on the safe side - I would IRIS them and have them tell me in WRITING what I need to do. They are sticklers on those appeals - and they can dismiss a Form 9 if a NOD wasn't filed. Just part of the game... Good luck on the testifying. Free

If the initial initial denial was June 18, 2007 - does he have to file an NOD by June 18,2008 (like kind of quick)regardless of whether he submitted more evidence? Free

Pete, I have also been inspired by many of your posts. You are always posting words of wisdom and encouragement to us all. I sure understand what your friend meant by his joy in working with the elderly. I was an activity director (the party girl) at a nursing home for years. And people would say "How can you work there?" Like it was some horrid thing. But I didn't find it horrid at all. I found it to be a great joy and a true calling. And I guess that I didn't see the people as "old." I just saw them as people...or maybe the essence of who they were. But I do rememeber one time - after I got back from a vacation - I looked across the dining room and thought "Man! These people are really OLD!" LOL - Like I was seeing that for the first time, or seeing them how other people seemed to see them. I think that is why I love my husband so much, because I could see the essence of who he really was. I know after he died, his brother told me that I was lucky because he let ME get close to him. He didn't seem to get close to a lot of people. But there was no question of us being close. I know a couple of weeks before he died, we talked about how having the cancer had, ironically, healed him in many other ways. And I said "You spent a lot of years running away from yourself. Didn't you?" And he responded, "I spent a lot of years running away from myself and a lot of years trying to find myself. And then I met you, and there *I* was." I will always hold that statement in my heart. And I know he meant it - because he was semi-drunk on pain medicine when he said it. B) And it is odd, because we wouldn't seem to be that evenly matched. He was the retired Chief Master Sergeant and I was the, as someone once said "an Old English Sheepdog that thinks it is a lap dog." He was the kind of person that would line up his french fries according to size, and I was the kind of person that would just eat them frozen, right out of the bag. But somehow we seemed to "fit" together in a totally wonderful, though somewhat eclectic way. He just took it in stride when I was considering tie-dying a wedding dress blue to match his uniform (as if a tie dyed dress would match - lol)And I know he knew that once I started tie dying, I wouldn't be able to stick just with blue. I remember the woman who did the eulogy talking about our wedding, and how he stood there so proud and dignified in his uniform, and how I came "chaoticly" down the aisle - with a feather in my hair. But in some odd way, we "fit" together. He would always tell me "I didn't marry you to change you." And I would tell him, "Then this is your lucky day.." Of course, for MY part of the wishes for the funeral / farewell party - I had our friend do the service. She is a minister, but practices the Native American tradition. Since he was a Retired Chief, the AFB sent active duty Chiefs to stand Honor Guard at his casket. So there he was - surrounded by full dressed Chiefs, with our friend, in full Native American regalia doing the ceremony.("Wado Great Spirit!!!") One of my friends called it "A whole lot of Chiefs and one Indian." But he would have loved the eclectic blend. And before he was buried, I put a little gift on his heart. It was a tiny pink glitter tennis shoe (that would have went GREAT with a tie dyed wedding dress) - and a heart shaped stone, and a fortune from a fortune cookie that said "You are about to take a most wonderful journey" that I got the night before. So there he was in full dress uniform, with my pink tennis shoe on his heart. His father asked "What is that?" I said "That's a pink tennis shoe." He said "I know WHAT it is. But why is it there?" So I told him. And he honored my wishes. Free

If you want to put your husband in a wind chime, I know where you can get one for $150. B) I don't think they even have $100 pine boxes any more. But yeah, people have different ideas about what to do when the time comes, and when the time does come those ideas might change again. But I think most people do what they think it right for the right reasons. At least I hope so. Here are the songs my husband wanted played at his funeral: WHEN I GET WHERE I’M GOING When I get where I'm going on the far side of the sky. The first thing that I'm gonna do Is spread my wings and fly. I'm gonna land beside a lion, and run my fingers through his mane. Or I might find out what it's like To ride a drop of rain Yeah when I get where I'm going, there'll be only happy tears. I will shed the sins and struggles, I have carried all these years. And I'll leave my heart wide open, I will love and have no fear. Yeah when I get where I'm going, Don't cry for me down here. IF TOMORROW NEVER COMES If tomorrow never comes Will she know how much I loved her Did I try in every way to show her every day That shes my only one And if my time on earth were through And she must face the world without me Is the love I gave her in the past Gonna be enough to last If tomorrow never comes The first song - the first time he heard it - he said "When the time comes, that is what I want played." The second song - he gave to me several months before he died. I asked him if that meant he was saying goodbye. He said - No, but he just wanted to make sure that if he didn't happen to make it - that he had showed me enough love when he was here- so I would really know - and enough to last me for always. I listened to it over and over - and at first it made me cry just thinking about it. But I was finally able to go back to him and tell him - The answer is Yes. If tomorrow never comes, you have showed me enough love while you were here so that I really know - and enough to last me for always. Free

Sorry to hear that. I read that LOTS of claims get granted, but often have to reach the appeal level to do that. One writing I read by someone who had worked for Social Security said that at the lower levels - the SSA employees never get in trouble if they deny someone who should have been approved - but they can get in trouble for approving someone who the powers that be think should have been denied. So they play it safe and deny unless the person is so obviously disabled that they are sure they won't get called on it. Not sure if it is true, but that's what I read. So maybe they consider denying as a win-win - as they figure you will eventually get approved, and they get to keep their jobs in the meantime. Free

Thanks Betty! Don is "good people" for sure... I am praying for him too. And cowgirl - you can pray for me any time you want. B) Free

Tha is a pretty powerfuly written work! I remember reading a testimony before Congress where a doctor in a VA center testified that they used to deny veterans because they couldn't find a definate diagnosis for their Desert Storm symptoms. And then when the VA approve benefits for undiagnosed illnesses there suddenly became a big push to make sure everyone was diagnosed...because if their symptoms could be ascribed to something that could be diagnosed as SOMETHING - no benefits were payable. So the vets went from not being able to get benefits because they had no diagnosis at all - just unexplained symptoms - then there was a flip - where the VA diagnosed everything - or as they told my husband "No service connection can be granted for your headaches because they have been diagnosed as headaches." ?????????????? The doctor also made a very valid point to Congress that when you take a healthy yound person and send them to war - and they come back with multiple diagnosed illness - something is very wrong. Free

Has anyone heard from Donews for awhile? I was wondering if anyone knew if he was okay? Free

Kappa - Thanks for your kind words... and I agree that my husband would be proud of me. In respect to the material things and the letting go an moving on - that is another issue that can look different from the inside than it does from the outside. Grieving is a process that occurs in stages. Our culture seems willing to let someone grieve for about a week. And then it is time to snap out of it. My husband died February 2007 - and I still haven't gotten rid of many of his possessions. I knew his father wanted his cowboy hat - so I gave it to him last father's day. And I have given away things here and there to people who I think he would have liked to have had them - and people it made me happy to give them to. And I sold some stuff at a yard sale. But I will probably let go of THINGS bit by bit - in a way that works for me. And I don't plan on letting go of my husband or moving on any time in the near future. Maybe holding on to so many of his things is a way to hold on to him. I don't know. I am also a packrat to a fault. But even if I am holding on to things as a way to holding on to him - I don't see that as a bad thing. If holding on to him, or his things, made me miserable - then it might need to pry my fingers loose - and let go. But actually, holding on makes me very happy. To him AND some of the things. As far as the things go - there are even some things I know who I want to give them to, but just haven't felt ready to yet...maybe because I don't see it as getting rid of his things as much as to be giving THEM this things - and therefore a part of him. So yeah..maybe I am trying to hold on to every bit of him I can until I am ready to not hold on as much... I don't know. I never was one of those people who could just pull up a trashcan and start throwing away stuff I didn't need. I always have to find a good home for my stuff. So and so would like such and such...and this little pile I am giving to whoever.. So I guess if I have always considered my own junk to be precious treasures to be bestowed on others - I a consider my husband's junk to be even more precious - as since his death, his junk has become a non-renewable resource. And as to the letting go thing - I see no reason to let go. Holding on makes me happy. I know there are some people who, if I mention still being in love with my husband think that is "unhealthy." (And I am not referrring to YOU B) - just how people tend to be... They think any sign of holding on is a sign of not moving on. But my thought is move "on" to where? My first choice in life would be to be in love with my husband and have him being alive... I no longer get that choice - so I chose plan B - being in love with my husband even though he is dead. Though I am moving forward - I seem to feel no need to let go or move on. Loving him makes me happy - point blank! period! I am happier loving him (though he is dead) than many women I know are loving their living husbands. If holding on or not moving on kept me miserable - then there becomes a point where that is not healthy - where the line is drawn timewise I could not say. But yeah.. my friends totally respect the place I am - but there are also people ocassionally who get real uncomfortable when I am gushing about how wonderful my husband was and how much I love him. It doesn't seem to matter to them that it makes me HAPPY to be this way. THey seem to think that holding on to the happiness is also unhealthy - it just doesn't seem to make sense that loving a dead person would be a good thing. It is not that they want me to be miserable - but I think they could deal with it better if I WAS miserable - than that it STILL makes me so happy. How am I ever going to move on - if I still love him so much. But my own take on it is - if loving him so much makes me happy - why move on? Yeah. I might be able to find someone else or something else that would also make me happy. And I imagine I would. But why give up where you are - if you aren't ready to give that up - just to take another trip just to end up right back at where you are. But then there are other people who DO need to let go, give away, move on - and feel the need to do so very quickly - even more quickly than is "socially appropriate." And people shake their heads at them too. (OMG! They didn't even wait until ____whatever point they thought WOULD have been appropriate to do ___ whatever it was they thought was inappropriate to do). Widowhood is certainly a different place - and no matter how you move through it - there will be some people who think you did it too quickly and some people who will think you took too long.. But I think most widows move along at their own pace doing what they feel they need to do at the time they feel they need to do it. People will still look in from the outside - and often think the widow could have done better if they did something differently. And most of these people really do care - and really do want what is best for the widow(er). But once you reach widowhood - the beat of the drummer changes - and you march to that beat and follow its timing.. Thank you very much for your post. I felt blessed. Free

It is good that you and your wife were able to make plans that you both (and hopefully everyone else) can live with. And actually, had my husband HAD a preference, I would have honored that - and stood behind his wishes. If he WANTED to be creamated. I would have creamated him. If he WANTED to be buried in the National Cemetary, I would have buried him there. I would have stood beside him in death, as I did when in his life - when he kept telling the nurses that he wanted to be put on life support if it came down to that - and they kept telling me I was not doing my husband any favors by doing that. I told them "I am honoring my husband's wishes." Point blank. Ain't gonna budge from what HE wants, regardless of how wise they thought his decision was. But he had no preference about his funeral (other than the military rites, the uniform, and the music) - so to me, what the rest of the family wanted came into play. I will say - it is HARD to save money on ANTHING related to a funeral. I even checked to see if I could get a better deal than the cemetary was giving me on the base for the grave marker. But by the time I would have paid for shipping (for the heavy thing) - I would have come out about the same. I will have to admit when I was searching for the base for the marker - I ran across a wind chime for creamation ashes and thought - "Dang! I could have stuck him in a windchime for $150! LOL I bet he would have loved that one... And $150 is still high for a dang windchime, even one you can put your husband in). I love your idea of the yard sale. My husband and I were both big yard sale fans. My husband and I did discuss the pontential of his death - in respect to making a will, etc. But he usually only discussed his burial in a kidding way. (being stuffed and mounted, being buried on top of President Kennedy, etc.) When there was no known need to plan - he chose not to plan. When the need to plan was breathing down our necks - he didn't find the thought of planning his own funeral something that he wanted to do. I honored his choices in life and in death. I made the best choices I could in the areas he hadn't made choices. And though I agree that you can save a lot of money in making those choices in advance, sometimes it just doesn't work out that way - and there are some things that are more important than money. I will never regret honoring my what my husband needed at the time - nor my intentions to try to make choices that honored his daughter and his father. And yes, death can make people do the strangest things. Free

I agree with your opinion that the funeral directors often take advantage of the sitaution when someone dies. I disagree that anyone is charged more than the cost for direct creamation is being ripped off. Funeral directors do make a signifcant amount of money off the grief of the survivors. But funeral directors also make a significant amount of money selling people what they want - which often includes the add ons like visitations, funeral services, caskets, etc. And I do not agree that people always merely purchase these out of guilt. People purchase them for many reasons. It often results in a significant bill, as each choice is somehow separately considered - this much for that casket - this much for this many hours of visitation...all seeming somewhat "reasonable" for the purchase of that particular product or service - but a bit hefty when they are all added together. I don't like the fact that the funeral director's have you choose this and that - and THEN add on all the extras they haven't told you about before you chose this and that (the cost of the obituary, the cost of the car, the cost of many services you have already "received BEFORE you even go visit the funeral home.) As soon as someone dies - you have to pick a funeral home to send them to. They have already performed many "chargeable services" before you go to make the arrangements. In my case, I ended up with a funeral home that was more expensive that some. We hadn't selected a funeral home at all. The nurse TRIED to talk to my husand about it several days before he died - but he was fighting for his life and did not feel like making plans for the alternative. Though she kept insisting that it would be better for them to know, for as she told my husband "WHEN you die," - he didn't want to discuss it - and I told her to BACK OFF. I understood that meant that in the event of his death, I would have to be deciding fairly quickly where to send him - without any time to check that out very fully. But I also didn't realize HOW quickly. I asked to be able to go check out a couple funeral homes and come back and tell them. I was told I was NOT ALLOWED to leave the hospital until I signed a paper telling them what funeral home to send my husband to. Perhaps I was misinformed. But in the moment, I did not have whatever it would have taken to fight them about it within me. So I picked a funeral home. After that - everything was just a whirl. I did go get some sleep. I hadn't slept more than a couple hours at a time by sitting up at his bedside (yes you can sleep sitting up) or on the floor in the waiting room (when one of the nurses wouldn't let me stay at his bedside) for several weeks. But there were so many decisions to be made -and so many things to be considered that you don't even know will have to be considered until you reach that point. I know I paid the price for not picking a funeral home in adavance. But I would still pay that price to be able to not make my husband pick a funeral home as he fought for his life or to leave his bedside to check out good deals. I do beleive they take advantage of the situation and I do believe they overcharge for many things and pad the bill. Heck! I was even charged I think $250 for "use of the funeral home car" to "deliver flowers" to my home. After the funeral I asked them to take that charge off - since all the flowers went with him to the other funeral home (and were then donated to a local community college for their flower arranging classes) - and I picked up the remaining three plants myself. But they said even if they didn't deliver the flowers - they used the car for other funeral related purposes. I DID refuse to pay for one of the obituaries. Obituaries run $100 and up. The funeral home ordered the obituary, but I received the bill for it.($110). They also ordered an obituary in my husband's home town (where he was buried). The original obituary failed to mention my husband's father. The funeral director placed a corrected obituary in our local paper, but failed to correct it in my husband's home town paper. A month after my husband died, I received a bill from the funeral home for the other obituary - with a note that they had not included the expense on their bill, and that I was responsible for it.(though the newpaper had billed it TO them). I called the newspaper and asked when the corrected obituary had been published. They informed me that they had not been notified to publish one. I wrote to the funeral home and informed them that I had already paid them $7424 (the rest of my expenses were for the hometown funeral home, cemetary, grave marker, etc.) and that I was NOT willing to pay them for publishing an obituray in the hometown of my husband's father, that failed to even mention that he HAD a father. I told them I had paid for all services I had recieved, but I did not think I should be charged for their mistake on the obituary. I sent them a claim form and invited them to file a claim agaisnt my husband's insolvent estate if they chose to. They sent me a letter aplogizing for trying to bill me for their mistake - and that is the last I heard from them. So yeah..they do get in there and scramble for every bit they can get - and take advantage of the situation - but I still don't agree that to pay for any more than direct creamation is a total rip-off. It depends on what the survivors feel they need to feel at peace with themselves as far as the "farewell party" goes. I do see that preplanning can really save some costs. But again, preplanning can have it's downside if it places the survivors in the position where they are uncomfortable with what was arranged. And, sometimes, as in our case, by the time you realize you might want to "preplan" - it is kind of late in the game, and at a time when making those kinds of decisions would seem like admitting "defeat" at a time where to admit defeat is more horrifying than making arrangements in advance to save a few bucks. It is not as simple as it looks from the outside. All things being considered - there are lots of things to consider. Free

Yes. Apparently I did feel the need to jusitfy myself - as I already said I did. I am not sure why you are certain that I would disagree with you, or that I wouldn't appreciate your thoughts on the subject. Part of it would depend on whether your thoughts on the subject were about burial costs and choices we make in general, or whether you were discussing (and sitting of judgement of) the choices I PERSONALLY made in MY situation. I interpreted your question of "$10k for burial . . . . what were you thinking! jmo" to be more a matter of to be a direct statement to ME - questioning why *I* spent more than your remark indicated I should have, and somewhat judgemental of me for choosing to spend that amount. Perhaps you intended it in a different way than the way I intepreted it - (as I intepreted it to mean "What your YOU THINKING when you spent THAT MUCH!") And maybe, as a widow, I am overly sensitive to any implication by someone else that any amount I spent on my husband's funeral, regardless of the reason, was excessive, or a poor choice. We widows can be that way sometimes. I can appreciate whatever opinions you may have about the costs of funerals in general - and may even agree with some of your opinions. But I get a bit defensive when directly questioned about the cost I spent on my husband's. Free

Thank you Ruby. You make a very good point about the final arrangements being for those still living. I knew before my husband died that I wouldn't go the route of creamation. Neither my husband or I had any preference in regard of creamation or burial - but I realized his family was horrifed at the thought to creamation. I, personally, don't think that the thought of having my body burned is any more horried than the thought of being preserved forever and stuck in the ground. As for me, I wouldn't mind being a cadaver - and letting medical science get some use my body when I don't need it any more. But, as I have no strong preference as to what they do to me when I have moved on, I will not put the struggle on my survivors that they have to do anything in particular to please me - and leave it to them to decide what THEY need to do, with the knowledge that whatever they decide will please me. As my husband's father had danced all around any topic on creamation - and as his daughter had alredy told me the struggle she was having over her mother preplanning a creamation, and how though she was horrifed by the thought of creamating her mother, but that she would "honor her mother's choice" (but wished she knew if her mother had made it because she really wanted to be creamated, or if her mother was just looking for a way to save money) - the choice of creamation for my husband is a choice I took off the table early, in respect to the feelings for the rest of the family. Likewise, my father has signficant issues with creamation. If I were to die prior to my father, there is no way I would want to put him through the struggle of trying to decide whether to creamate me (because I made that choice on the basis of "saving THEM money") or whether to bury me as he would prefer. When a person dies - there are many people they left behind whose feeling have to be considered. And sometimes those feelings are very strong. Even though my husband's daughter was being a real brat throughout the whole funeral planning process - there was no way I was going to tell her "Nope. I am sticking your father in the cheapest casket I can find no matter how strongly YOU feel about getting him a nice casket as his "final home" - deal with it. There are many people involved - and each person's feelings DO matter. In my case, I tried to honor the feelings of EACH person that my husband dearly loved. It didn't matter to me what some people thought I should do. But I honored the wishes of each person whose feelings would have mattered to my husband. Free

http://www.vba.va.gov/bln/21/topics/indigent/index.htm What is the purpose of VA burial benefits? VA burial benefits help to offset the costs of the veteran's burial, funeral, and plot-interment. How much does VA pay? Service-Related Deaths. If a military service-related injury or disease caused the veteran's death, VA will pay up to $2,000 toward burial expenses. If the veteran is buried in a VA national cemetery, some or all of the costs for transporting the veteran's remains may be reimbursed. Certain Non Service-Related Deaths. VA will pay up to $300 toward burial and funeral expenses, and $300 as a plot-interment allowance. If the veteran died in a VA hospital or under VA contracted home care, some or all of the costs for transporting the deceased's remains may be reimbursed. What are the eligibility criteria for non service-related death benefits? The veteran was receiving VA compensation or pension at the time of death, OR The veteran was entitled to receive VA compensation or but decided not to reduce his/her military retirement or disability pay, OR The veteran died in a VA hospital or while in a nursing home under VA contract, or while in an approved state nursing home, OR There is no next of kin or other person claiming the remains of the veteran, and there are not available sufficient resources to cover burial and funeral costs, and the veteran served honorably in the U.S. Armed Forces during any war or was discharged from the military because of a service-connected disability. So they pay $2000 for a Service Connected Death and $600 for a Non-Service Connected death for burial in a Private Cemetary - if the vet was recieving Compensation or Pension at the time of their death, or died in a VA facility. (My husband's cause of death has not been SC'd yet). If buried in a National Cemetary, the veteran's family does not pay for the plot, the vault, or the grave opening or closing. (The $600 for a private cemetary is supposed to offset SOME of these costs - but they costs are somewhat greater than $600 no matter what kind of "deals" you get on these). Even if buried in a National Cemetary the veteran's family covers the cost of transportation from the place of death to the funeral home, transportation to the cemetary, "preparation of the remains," any visitation or funeral service, certified copies of the death certificate, somewhere in the range of $100 to $150 to have an obituary published - all kinds of things. So they kind of have you pick out things bit by bit - and then add all those up and add in all the other "standard charges." So burial in a National Cemetary isn't neccessarily free unless you throw their dead body in your own car, and drive them out to the cemetary yourself, and convince them to bypass the casket and put them directly in the vault. The VA also provides a free grave marker, and places it for free in a National Cemetary. In a Private Cemetary, the family pays the cost for "setting the marker" and the cost of any granite or concrete base the cemetary requires to set it on. You can't just lay your free marker directly on the ground yourself. Of course you always have to option of direct creamation, and the option of leaving a grave in the private cemetary unmarked - and save lots of money. Those are choices that each person has to make. Also, the National Cemetary doesn't "save a spot" for the spouse. The spouse can be buried in the National Cemetary (and still can, even if the veteran was buried in a private cemetary) but the spots are filled in the National Cemetary on the basis of "who is next?" The next person buried there gets the next spot. it is not saved for your spouse. Thank you Tanker for your kind words. My husband DESERVED every BIT of honor he got - and then some. He was a tremendous person! I know his father would have honored my choice to have my husband buried in a National Cemetary that would have saved several thousand dollars. But my husband had no preference as to where he was buried. I had no preference in regard to the National Cemetary and the Private Cemetary - as in I felt no need to bury him in a National Cemetary as a way of "honoring" him. The choice would have been based more on economics. The upside was it would have saved money. The downside was I knew his father wanted to "take him home." Though his father didn't actually pressure me one way or another, I was fully aware of what his wishes were. And as his wish to take his son "home" trumped any need I had to try to keep the expenses down a bit - I honored his father's wishes - a decision my husband would be proud that I made - because it was a choice that honored BOTH my husband AND his father - and COST me nothing, except for some money. Free

Thank you Betty. Your response is much appreciated....And made me realize I just spent a significant amount of energy "justifying" myself to someone whose comment to my post was - in my opinion - unjustified. I do not have to explain every reason I made every decision that related to any cost in my husband's funeral and burial in order to secure the seal of approval of my choices from someone else. And I find any implication that a vet's widow might not have "thought clearly" enough in making decisions that needed to be made to bury her husband - or even imply that a widow should have been thinking clearly the day after her husband died to be somewhat judgemental and disrespectful. Though I am sure some of the expenses could have been trimmed, had my husband and I spent time preparing for his funeral in advance - I will NEVER regret that we spent EVERY OUNCE of our energy FIGHTING FOR HIS LIFE instead, regardless of the position that put me in when we lost the fight. And I will NEVER regret the extra cost involved to honor his father's wish to take him back home for the burial, to be buried near his mother and his brother. Though I do regret that some of the costs were the result of others taking unfair advantage of the situation - there is nothing I can do now to go back and change that. I made the BEST choices I could make at the time I made them, in the position and the situation I was in. I did not ask the VA, or anyone, to pay anything other than what they are required by law to pay. I made the choices I made at the time that I made them, and am willing to pay the cost of those choices. I DO expect the VA to pay the $600 they are required, by law, to pay. And I am aggravated that I am now required to send in the THIRD application for burial benefits in order for them to do so (if they don't lose this one too). Thank you for supporting me in my feelings of frustration with the VA at the moment, rather than for judging me for spending too much to bury my husband. Free