Jon1371

Yes, but that was years ago and now the claim is closed. Now, I know I should have kept fighting. I accepted their decision at that time because I really didn't know any better and I thought that if that was their decision that they know more than I do.

I applied for increase on my 30% PTSD in 08 after my breakdown. I was denied an increase. However, I just received my medical reports from my hospitalization and it looks like the RO ignored or didn't use the medical files from my hospitalization. Down below are some of the diagnosis that I have received. There are more but I think this might be enough to help answer my question. I'm not a doctor, but from what I have read the last couple of months, I was worse off than I was lead to believe. No doctors told me any of this stuff was serious. The doctor's would ask questions and I'd answer honestly and that was all. It seems to me that I meet 50% and possibly 70% rating and that was back in 08. I know that CUE's are hard to prove, but it there enough to start one or am I wasting my time and energy? AXIS I: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder with anxious and depressed mood R/O Mood Disorder due to medical condition (Traumatic Brain I n j u r y ) AXIS II: deferred AXIS III: Traumatic Brain Injury? AXIS IV: Sporadice employment, limited family support AXIS V: GAF = 25 AXISI: Major depressive disorder with anxiety, seasonal component. PTSD. Agoraphobia without panic d/o. Alcohol abuse. Nicotine dependence. AXISII: Deferred AXISIII: ?Hypertension, Migraine HA, Chronic knee, hip, shoulder pain AXISIV: Poor social support, chronic mental illness AXISV: GAF 45 at the time of admit, 60 at the time of this interview. AXISI: Major depressive disorder with anxiety, seasonal component. PTSD. Agoraphobia without panic d/o. Alcohol abuse. Nicotine dependence. AXISII: Deferred AXISIII: ?Hypertension, Migraine HA, Chronic knee, hip, shoulder pain AXISIV: Poor social support, chronic mental illness AXISV: 45 AT ADMISSION 51 AT PRESENT AXISI: Major depressive disorder with anxiety, seasonal component. PTSD. Agoraphobia without panic d/o. Alcohol abuse. Nicotine dependence. AXISII: Deferred AXISIII: Migraine HA, Chronic knee/hip/shoulder pain, ?Hypertension, ?BPV AXISIV: Poor local social support, chronic mental illness AXISV: 45 AT ADMISSION 65 AT PRESENT Axis I PTSD Depression, Major by history Possible panic disorder Axis II Deferred Axis III Chronic pain hip knee Migraine HA Axis IV Unemployment Combat exposure Axis V GAF 50 Axis I: PTSD, by history Major depressive disorder with anxiety, by history, sx severe without psychotic content Panic disorder without agoraphobia Axis II: Deferred Axis III: See problem list Axis IV: Exposure to war Axis V: GAF 50 (current) Depression: As per HPI. +7/8 SIGECAPS with depressed mood for 2+ yrs. Mania: Notes feels more irritable in winter months with racing thoughts; negative for manic/hypomanic episode. Psychosis: No AH/VH. No delusions. Paranoia related to PTSD. Anxiety: Has anxiety s/s with physical manifestions of sweating, tachycardia, tachypnea; more comfortable in home and doesn't like social situations because of this. Denies panic attacks. Some OCD problems of checking things too often; doesn't interfere with daily activity. PTSD symptoms as per HPI CNS pathologies: Denies TBI/LOC/seizures Other addictive d/o: Denies gambling Personality d//o screening: appeared negative Repeaterd disturbing memories, thoughts, or images of a stressful experience from the past? 5 - E x t r e m e l y 2Repeated, disturbing dreams of a stressful experience from the past? 5 - E x t r e m e l y Suddenly acting or feeling as if a stressful experience were happening again (as if you were reliving it)? 5 - E x t r e m e l y Feeling very upset when something reminded you of a stressful experience from the past? 4-Quite a bit Having physical reactions (e.g., heart pounding, trouble breathing, sweating) when something reminded you of a stressful experience from the past? 5 - E x t r e m e l y Avoiding thinking about or talking about a stressful experience from the past or avoiding having feelings related to it? 4-Quite a bit Avoiding activities or situations because they reminded you of a stressful experience from the past? 5 - E x t r e m e l y Trouble remembering important parts of a stressful experience from the past? 5 - E x t r e m e l y Loss of interest in activities that you used to enjoy? 5 - E x t r e m e l y Feeling distant or cut off from other people? 5 - E x t r e m e l y Feeling emotionally numb or being unable to have loving feelings for those close to you? 5 - E x t r e m e l y Feeling as if your future will somehow be cut short? 5 - E x t r e m e l y Trouble falling or staying asleep? 5 - E x t r e m e l y Feeling irritable or having angry outbursts? 5 - E x t r e m e l y Having difficulty concentrating? 5 - E x t r e m e l y Being "super-alert" or watchful or on guard? 5 - E x t r e m e l y Feeling jumpy or easily startled? 5 - E x t r e m e l y

I've been on their suicide watch list since 08 and a lot of the time when I go in they ask me if I'm suicidal and I say not right now. It's true because at that moment in time that is the truth. My time in the hospital was a waste of time. All they did was drug me with some kind of tranquilizer and feed and house me for a few days. I am now trying to get the help I need and make forward progress. I believe that I should have gotten over all this by now. For whatever reason I am getting worse and not better. I hope you're getting good care too jrt1021. Best of luck out there.

Pete, I'm working on my increase paperwork now. Since i have nothing else to do, I am researching and posting questions. Now that I know way more than I did, I think this time will be better for me. I just don't know how to get medical proof from my time in service when I didn't go to medical for all this stuff. Thanks, Jon

The doctor wanted to lock me up a couple of months ago, but since the only thing near me is a community clinic they couldn't tell me where I would go I said no. I couldn't handle the uncertainty. the doctor said he'd call around and see if any local hospital had space but he couldn't give me a definitive answer. I don't leave the house alone so I don't think I could do voc rehab. I get driven to my appointments by family. Thanks for the suggestion.

John, They have recently diagnosed me with Psychosis NOS. I wish I could go in there and show him how I'm functioning on a regular basis, but I psyche myself up and force myself to function for the Doctors appointment. I was told by a Doctor years ago to fake it until I make it and I have been living by that for many years. So, I go in and downplay my symptoms because I am terrified they will lock me up again. I guess I'm also trying to convince myself that I'm ok when in reality I'm not functioning and what I really need is close supervision.

I actually wish I had gone to the doctors so that I have something in my files. I sucked it up, drank water and kept going. I know now that I should have said something, but I didn't want to be labeled a sick bay commando or weak body. You didn't go to sick bay unless you were ordered. I also wish I had gone for a MEB, but i thought I'd lose all my benefits, so I crossed out some of my ailments on my exit physical and just kept the ones that I thought were the worst. I think that if I hadn't gone to Iraq and just presented my symptoms, they would have caught the TBI a lot sooner. I've read that it's hard to distinguish between the two, and since the Doctor that treated me was a Psychologist with the National Center for PTSD that's the direction they went. Whenever they ask about explosions I always answer yes, but the questions stop after I say how many. To this date I haven't been properly screened for TBI and to be honest I didn't know what it was until a couple of months ago. I thought you had to get hit by shrapnel or burned to have a TBI. I had a severe reaction to the anti-psychotics that they prescribed me and one of the things associated with TBI is Lewy body Dementia and LBD reacts badly to antipsychotics. The antipsychotic made whatever is wrong with my left side much worse and moved it over to my right side. It also messed up my brain, sleep, blood pressure and my ability to function. For a while there I thought I was going to die. Seems to me that it accelerated or aggravated everything that is wrong with me. I was only on it for a couple weeks and stopped it almost a month and a half ago but I still have resting tremors and muscle spasms that come and go and my brain is still messed up. Today is a tremor day and my brain is messed up.

John, Lots of close calls with me too. Young, invincible kids with access to dangerous stuff. It was always funny when no one got hurt, but not much appreciation for the potential consequences. I'm glad you didn't lose your head because myself and all the other users of hadit really benefit from your knowledge and expertise.

I've been at 30% since 06, had a serious breakdown in 08 and filled for an increase and I was refused. I think the IME/IMO idea is great and I'm going to pursue that.

john999, I am going to find someone to help me start to fill out the SSDI application. I don't want to make mistakes and I don't have the mental capacity for complex paperwork any longer. I'm going to look into hiring a lawyer for all this stuff. Hopefully they'll work for a percentage of my award because I don't have the money to pay them. Thanks for all your input, I really appreciate all your help.

Does the VA have secret files that you can't request? I'm just curious to know if I was given my whole file or if there is more information to be requested.

Just got the records from the first VA hospital I used. No screening for TBI even though one of my stressors was removal and detonation of UXO. Did I just fall through the cracks?

That's a good idea to file for SSDI, but I don't think I have anymore fight in me for another government organization.

My GAF was up to 55 when I was released. That was back in 2008, so maybe the GAF was still being used then. I don't know. I've got the psychotic symptoms now. I have flashbacks of people and events I don't remember. If it wasn't for my flashbacks, I'd have no memories at all. I've found buddies on facebook and I have been talking with them and they've sent me pictures of events from my flashbacks. I have 30% for PTSD and after my hospitalization I went for an increase, but I was denied. Makes you wonder if they read any of the hospital paperwork. It's hard to have all this stuff going on and still fight the VA. I don't have money for a private doctor, I haven't worked in almost 2.5 years and I'm living off family generosity and my 60%. Thanks for your input john999, I really appreciate your help.

I've only had a C&P twice. Once when I was getting discharged and the other by the Dr that diagnosed me a few years later. I have never been called in for one, but I would like to know how your changing the appointment dates affects your decision. Good luck and I hope it's in your favor.

Just got my records from one of the VA hospitals I used. AXIS I: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder with anxious and depressed mood R/O Mood Disorder due to medical condition (Traumatic Brain I n j u r y ) AXIS II: deferred AXIS III: Traumatic Brain Injury? AXIS IV: Sporadice employment, limited family support AXIS V: GAF = 25 This was in my diagnosis for my hospitalization. I'm wondering why no one ever followed up. The question mark was there too.

john999 I tried going to a Vet Center for group sessions and felt like a total poser. Most were Combat Arms talking about some crazy stuff and all I had to say was I blew UXO and got shot at, and only fired a handful of times and saw nasty sights. So I really didn't belong and it made me feel worse because I didn't have it as bad as the other guys. Drugs and come back in six weeks seems to be how the VA works. Lots of those drugs have black label warnings and it's amazing they just give them to us and send us home after seeing us for so short of a time.

john999 I was actually thrilled to be diagnosed with Schizo because I know they make pills that can help treat it and it did make sense. I started having problems with the anti-psychotics immediately, told them and they said it was all in my head and that I should keep taking them. I'm glad I stopped when I did, but it took over a month for me to get back to "normal" and I don't remember that time so it's a good thing I started a journal when I started the anti-psychotics. I still have residual side effects, but they are much improved and only show up for short periods of time now. I couldn't afford a private Dr even if I wanted to. I haven't worked in over two years and I'm getting by on family support and my VA pay. My family is wonderful and I wouldn't still be here if it wasn't for them. Tbird Thanks for the link. I experience all of that except for the stuff about the perpetrator.

Thanks john999. I recently found out that my hallucinations are actually flashbacks. My memory is so bad I've forgotten so many people and so many events that I didn't recognize those people until I started going through photos to figure out what happened. They DXd me as Schizophrenic/Schizoaffective and put me on anti psychotics that I had a severe reaction to. That's when I decided to look into things and figure out what happened and what's wrong with me. No more taking a bunch of pills until they figure out what's really wrong.

I'll ask the Dr the next time I see them. Thanks for the reply.

I feel your pain because I'm in the same boat as you, except mine's for OIF1. My DD214 doesn't prove my deployment even though I'm SC for PTSD. I just joined Facebook to find my buddies and I'm in the process of correcting my DD214. If the VA is Service Connecting things for you that sounds like a good thing. Good luck in your journey, Jon

I'm wondering if there is a difference between a diagnosis of PTSD and Chronic PTSD. My Healthevets notes have a diagnosis of chronic PTSD now. Is there a difference between the diagnosis as far as VA ratings go? Thanks all, Jon

Over the last 11 years I have been in and out of Mental health including the psych ward. I have had so many diagnosis and pills pushed on me I have lost count. The VA sure does love to give out pills and then see you six weeks later. I haven't been able to think about Iraq for the last 11 years without spinning out, but I am now because I need to know what's wrong with me and get some kind of closure. I am trying to prove that I am damaged, not disordered or have bad genes. I will be happy with 0% SC for TBI if that is what is wrong with me. That's why I asked if anyone has been injured by a blast but not hit with shrapnel. Every new doctor I have asks about TBI but stop after I tell them how many. Look up migraines and seizures and you'll find that they're very similar especially in how they start with an aura, feeling poorly, but some seizures end with you feeling euphoric just like migraines. I think EEGs are the only way to tell them apart. I am SC for PTSD, migraines, left shoulder, left hip, left knee, and my left testicle. Rated at 60%

Hamslice- I keep getting asked if I've been exposed to explosions and I always say yes it was dozens. The questions always stop after that so I assumed that I didn't test positive, but that was before I started researching TBI last month. meghp0405 wrote-"memory/concentration issues; headaches; dizziness; nausea/vomiting; blurred vision; ringing in the ears; bad taste in your mouth; sensitivity to light; mood changes; depressed or anxious; fatigue; difficulty sleeping; profound confusion; weakness in your fingers/toes; seizures and dilation of one or more pupils" I had all of this and more I know except I don't know about pupil dialation. Turns out the migraines, for which I am service connected for, aren't migraines but seizures. I guess they're almost identical. No one was talking about TBI back then and we were always told that shrapnel was the main concern. We had to clear the airbase of UXO and repair the runway as fast as possible and safety wasn't as important as mission accomplishment. We weren't able to go several hundred yards down range to safety. We were told to get down after the blast and wait for the shrapnel to stop falling. We'd get hit by the blast/shockwave/overpressure/blast wind and then get down and wait for the shrapnel to stop falling and then work until the next explosion. I can't remember how many explosions happened in Iraq. In the year before going into Iraq, I was exposed to dozens of explosions for training purposes during five different field exercises. Some close like bangalore rushes and breaching charges, some farther away, some in a bunker, some a ways down the road, some just on the other side of the demo pit berm. I have a lot of memory loss and the last eleven years are a blur, but for some reason Iraq is seared in my brain and it's easier to remember than where I left my car keys. John999-I'm already service connected for PTSD. The explosions weren't from the enemy, just us clearing UXOand training. While I was there IEDs either didn't happen or I didn't know about them. Probably the later. Looking at what the VA connects to TBI is terryfying and I know that whatever is wrong with me is getting worse, not better. After researching TBI everything is starting to make sense. I think what throws them is they ask if I've been exposed to explosions and I say yes it was dozens of explosions and they think I'm crazy or lying. they never explained anything, so I never knew about TBI until last month. Now I'm trying to prove that I'm damaged and not disordered. Thanks for your replies, Jon

I cut all ties when I got back and then out a couple months later. I just joined facebook to see if I can find any of the people I served with. I'm also requesting files and documentation.